


As the world falls down

by Joey_Westwife



Category: Westlife
Genre: Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Art, Confusion, Death, Dreams vs. Reality, End of the World, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, Ghosts, Goodbye Sex, Guardian Angels, Hallucinations, Imaginary Friends, Lost Love, M/M, Memories, Mystery, Promises, Regret, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Sick Character, Song Lyrics, Suicide, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 20:03:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 64,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14722721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joey_Westwife/pseuds/Joey_Westwife
Summary: The 'Black Mist-ery' was killing the planet, America being strangled first, where Popstar Shane had been sent to work, leaving long term boyfriend Mark grieving in Sligo. Shane makes it his mission to ensure Mark doesn't die alone by guiding Nicky to his side. But it doesn't all go to plan... Does the afterlife exist or is it all in Mark's head?





	As the world falls down

**Author's Note:**

> Never written anything like this before so sorry if it doesn't make sense.  
> Lost all my italics when pasted this and took 2 hrs to re-add paragraph spaces so didn't have time to change those back too! (PC was down so had to use mobile)  
> Also, sorry there are no chapters to break it down. I know this is frustrating!

*Falling. Falling down. Falling in love.*

The Americas gone. Gone but not forgotten by the higher spirit that allowed this to happen. God? God didn't exist. Never did. At least that's what the world was feeling now. Faith was nothing. Faith in God to guide and save... There's nothing God could do this time. There was no God. The devastating powers from above were unexplained but mightier and far more dangerous than any genie, sorcerers or higher being. Scientists were baffled and brain sore; the brightest of genius bled from their eyes and ripped teeth with pliers as the dooming overlords took their sanity inch by inch, penetrating rusty bullets deep into pressured beating hearts at the enclosing reality and conclusion of what had been considered the most intelligent planet in the known cosmos. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. It was inevitable now.  
***

It was dark today. Darker than yesterday. But the rain clouds were moving and that was a good sign. A sign that he still had time. Time for what he wasn't sure. Time wasn't something anyone had anymore.

It'd been 4 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours and 10 minutes since Mark kissed Shane goodbye. It felt like a lifetime ago. The way Shane's muscular shoulders had felt against Mark's broad chest, the bruising below his collar bone had faded but the memory was still fresh. The smaller brunette's soft hands that usually clamped hold of a microphone had been pressing his vertebrae, as if playing the oboe; fingers spread equally down the indents of Mark's spine. The squeeze had been painful at the time but Mark would give anything to feel the love of his life hold on for mercy now. Mercy to be spared. But what would be the point? Everyone's fate was the same. It just would have been nice to do as they both had hoped - be together forever, until the day they die. But the 'Black Mist-ery' as it had been branded had taken that away from Mark. His gorgeous, perfect, talented long term boyfriend had been taken too soon and he blamed no-one other than Simon Cowell for it.  
That bastard had forced, blackmailed Shane into conquering America a week earlier than originally scheduled, insisting an exclusive appearance on the biggest chat show on earth would be a once in a lifetime opportunity and the offer for him to appear had only been given as an overdue favour to Simon and had only become available last minute.

Mark was due to be flown over 9 days after Shane to join him on his epic 2 month tour of North and South America. But 2 days in, Shane was trapped. All flights postponed until eventually cancelled leaving anyone where they shouldn't be, completely, well and truly stranded with only land fuelled transport to get them around.  
At that point suspicions of an ash cloud circulated but when scientists couldn't discover any seemingly silent or secretly undetected eruptions anywhere on the globe, work began to investigate why the skies were thick with methane scented smog, choking the superstars of L.A. 

The smell was unfathomable to anyone who wasn't within the growing vicinity of the dooming cloud. Beyond fermented eggs dipped in pig muck and far removed from the bog of eternal stench, not even gas masks could filter the gut wrenching odour seeping into the atmosphere. Just one long inhale of the tainted air was enough to splinter fragile lungs to cough phlegm balls and turn the stomachs of residents into a projectile vomiting mess. It was a contagious domino affect of sickness sweeping the streets, lining pavements with unsavoury regurgitation as the organ breaking illnesses took over.

Mark sat on the windowsill as he did everyday for the past 4 weeks. Since it was confirmed. Since he heard Shane's voice for the last time. The confused tone of the older Sligo boy rung in his ears. The fear and uncertainty in Shane's shaking voice caused concern for his lover back home. The news channels hadn't shed much light on the subject until after their phone call and the regrets of their conversation haunted him every day. If only he'd known. If only they'd been able to share their last thoughts and feelings before it was too late. How would it have been different? What would Mark have said to his one true love had he known they'd never speak again? He asked himself the same thing every day as the clock struck 2pm; the exact time on that day that he'd held the phone to his ear.  
**

"I have no idea if I can even get to Graceland yet. To be honest it smells so bad I'd rather not leave the hotel anyway. I can see people spewing their guts on the street from my balcony window. It's vile whatever it is." Shane explained, pacing the room as he bit his thumb; his worst habit that drove Mark insane. The clicking and flicking of his nail between his teeth grated on his boyfriend and it usually gained a twatted hand to the back of his head but Mark's hand couldn't quite reach to the west coast of America to punish him this time.

"Great. You know this is Simon's fault right? If he hadn't been so persistent in sending you over there on your own you could have avoided all this and still be wrapped up in bed with me."

"Aww baby I know that. I wish I was home with you too. It won't be long until you're out here. As soon as the airline are given the all clear I'll get you over here. I can't wait to share this experience with you. It's gonna be amazing Marky." His enthusiasm was still inspirational despite the flu lingering in the hotel.

"You're gonna blow their socks off Shay. Send me a photo tonight yeah? I need to see you... Naked." Mark's cheeks blushed at his suggestion of receiving a dick pic.

"Ha-ha missing my body already? I might make you wait until you get here to see this temple again. I don't trust the airwaves right now to send you something via my mobile."

Mark smiled and frowned in the same second, missing his boy already. "Shane just stay safe will ya? I'll be there in no time. I have a surprise for ye."

"Ooh how exciting. I can't wait." Shane bounced towards his apartment door when he heard the knock.

"Shane?"

"Oh great, my chaperone has arrived to usher me to a late lunch. I have to go baby. I'll call you tonight. Love you." He cut Mark off right then, failing to allow the younger boy the chance to reply.

"Shay..." He sighed, hearing the plunking tone that ended the call. "Love you too." He mumbled to himself.  
**

The last thing Shane had said. Love you. He didn't even get the opportunity to say it back. He knew Shane knew it went without saying but he'd felt robbed. Robbed of his right to express his never ending feelings for his man. The surprise would have completed them. After 8 years of unbelievable happiness, getting through more tough times than Mark had struggled with during his school days, the couple were stronger than any other they knew. Nothing had defeated or deflated them nor knocked them down for long because Shane's determination to live in peace caused little stress after a session of meditation and he always knew how to cheer Mark up. 

The surprise would have seen them engaged in Elvis's ranch and it would have been the most romantic and perfect proposal Shane could hope for. But no...  
By the time dinner was over, so were most international lines of communication. In a blind panic, Shane had realised he couldn't end his conversation with Mark. He couldn't hear him say I Love You Too. The internet was down to home owners, local phone signals had weakened until diminished completely and some power lines to the hotel had been destroyed in the electric storm that ripped through the coast line. How was he supposed to contact home or Simon now?!

'Love you.'  
Mark grinned at the picture perfect photo of his perfect man with his perfect smile staring back at him as he blew fag smoke from the corner of his mouth, out through the gap in his double glazed window. There'd been no confirmation of a date or time his love was taken. Taken to the stars with thousands, millions of innocent people; eventually the entire population unable to flee.

 

*There's such a sad love. Deep in your eyes; a kind of pale jewel. Open and closed within your eyes. I'll place the sky, within your eyes.*

 

Shane's stunning hazel orbs were soft and caring. Although often tired and wrinkled with laughter lines, Shane's eyes were the windows to his soul and Mark saw his life within that soul forever. Had seen...

The fizzing whistle coming from Mark's nose was ignored as he rested his back against the cold plasterboard on the wall of the bay window. His head tilted so his brow was centimetres away from the rogue picture hook poking from the egg shell painted wall where there was once a dreamcatcher that fluttered in the breeze.  
His heavy heart and tear sodden lashes beated in sync with one another as he lifted his trainer wearing feet to comfortably press against the opposite wall, his knees bent at a 90 degree angle, stains and burns upon his grey jogging bottoms, the ones he'd been wearing 24/7 for 4 days now.  
He eventually dropped his hand to the side on his body, his fingers opening enough for the photo to slip from his grasp. A long, uneven breath escaped his lips as they quivered. Dry and chapped in his dehydration from rationed water access.

Ireland was next in line and a world war living condition was in place. Prevention and preparation was key now. Saving energy consumption for a rainy day took its toll before the pending pandemonium hit his home turf. The water board limited its availability to 4 intervals of 2 hours a day. 12am-2am, 6am-8am, 12pm-2pm and 7pm-9pm. In this time it was recommended everyone filled their kettles, took a shower and filtered water bottles for storage. 

But Mark hadn't showered for 7 days. In fact he'd barely washed at all. It wasn't a priority anymore. He had no one to impress, no one to inflict his body odour onto and no reason to take care of his fast growing beard or overgrown brown locks. He hadn't spread a speck of gel through his hair since the news broke but it was now held in place with natural grease, holding tight to the dandruff when he itched like a flea riddled stray cat.

As a single tear escaped his piercing, blue, oceanic windows to the world, Mark's gaze appeared to stare down the road at passers-by. But in truth he couldn't see the public moving about their day, carefree, in stubborn denial that life was to end in a matter of days or weeks. All he could see with open eyes was Shane. Shane's beaming pearly whites. Shane's veins pulsing in his neck as they made love. Shane's...

His phone rang. His mother was calling again... But again and again, repeatedly, he'd ignored it. He couldn't face the conversation. The truth that he wasn't coping. Who was coping?! The anxiety could be smelt a mile off and so could Mark. He knew he'd have to face the music soon. It wasn't fair to leave the earth without thanking his parents for bringing him into this beautiful world. It didn't seem very pretty anymore and he sometimes wished he'd never been born but he respected his mammy and couldn't go until he'd told her he loved her. Not that it'd matter in the end but he felt he could go more peacefully with a clearer conscience.

"If the world should stop revolving, spinning, slowly down to die. I’d spend the end with you. And when the world was through. Then one by one the stars would all go out, and you and I would simply fly away."  
It wasn't his most powerful performance as his voice crackled between jolts of his aching chest but the dream of holding Shane to the end was a beautiful vision.

Precipitation was evident as speckled trains of rain drops formed on the window pane. The dot-to-dot map created by Mother Nature. Her tears for the world, trying to wash away the sorrow and fear. Mark pressed his index finger on the inside of the glass, following the gradual, vertical descent of the droplet zig-zigging its way to a Barbie sized puddle forming on the white emulsion, wooden sill on the outside.

It hadn't rained for over a week which was unusual for Ireland but given the circumstances, there wasn't much of a climate to blow their way. The only reminder in the rain that America was gone was the odd fleck of dust in the wet streaks racing for victory. Mark had picked the winner this time. His eyes flinched as the corners of his lips twitched the faintest of smiles for half a second. Shane always won the droplet race in the back of his chauffeured rides. It constantly annoyed Mark that he was a loser in the harmless game but now he'd been handed the baton he had confidence to keep trying, show Shane he could carry on with their lives as one, just for a while longer before he was thrust into his angel arms for all eternity.

'What if there is no afterlife? Will I see him again? What if there is? Where will we go?'  
Mark hated thinking about the deep, dark meanings of life and the scientific reality of what happens when you die. He'd never been religious and had no fake being to pray to. There was no hope now remember.

When spits of rain made it through the window to his forehead, he docked out his cigarette and squashed it down dead into the pot of ash and dog ends by the corner of his feet. He shuffled off the plinth for a moment to reach for his sketch book and placed a cushion down to sit on before climbing back to the windowsill to a drier seat now the window was closed again.

Mark was a successful graphic and interior designer. He'd climbed his way up the ladder from sketching bespoke lamps and wall clocks to chucking out digital plans for beautiful bedrooms and conservatories, ordered by the likes of Bertie Ahern and Brian O'Driscoll no less. But like so many others, his career was over. No one much cared anymore. Retail workers and the emergency services were still paramount but all job sites had been defunked. No one need advertise for a vacancy when so many people were unemployed, desperate to live a normal life until their days were outnumbered. Not Mark. He'd lost everything already.  
On blazing summer days whilst chilling in the park beside an alfresco picnic, Mark would often sketch the profile of Shane's face. Capturing the essence of his beauty in few simple lines. His slim, pert upper lip was always the pinnacle of the portrait. If this pout wasn't perfect, it wasn't Shane. He'd kept and bundled every scribble and doodle he'd ever made related to his love and the curves of his brow, nose and chin were etched so deep into Mark's brain he could now draw Shane's picture from memory.

Taking a long, steady inhale of smoky oxygen, he calmed his shuddering torso after silent sobs and held his graphite pencil in his hand. Today he didn't want to draw Shane. He wanted to free his mind and capture the image of a guardian angel. He could feel a spirit of comfort holding his shoulders when he cried but not for a second did he believe it was Shane. He'd never felt Shane's presence and part of him was grateful. He didn't want to be talking to himself, to Shane, if insanity took over at the company he felt by his side. No, this angel was blonde for a start.

That night Mark's dream had sent him to another place. The place he was expecting to be in a few short weeks. Heaven. The virgin white clouds were soft cotton pillows, shimmering silver lines of glittery dado rail above the molten gold banister of the stairway to the pearly gates of freedom and peace. There standing at the entrance to tranquillity was a cute blonde man with plumes of fluffy feathers arching above his slim shoulders. His wings. There was no need for a halo above his head as his perfectly styled streaks shone as bright as the stars below.

"Thee is not ready. You must first find peace within on earth. There is a soul searching to beat solitude. A soul to embrace, sent from lovers old. Seek the heart that will fly with you. Once you have bound your mind, body and soul to another, only then may you enter. For he is waiting, he who left with your heart and regret. Upon request you shall be reunited with your love on the provision you leave not alone. Seek the boy. The boy to lighten the load."

What had this angel meant exactly? Shane was asking him to die with a stranger? His own interpretation of the dream gave him comfort in the end though. The blonde man was talking about himself. The image of his pretty face haunted Mark's waking hours so he began to drag the pencil along the paper, forming the eyes of an angelic being. He was going to need colour for this. A baby blue crayon to circle the iris within a soft socket. Subtle eyelashes and the perfect brow above them.

The concentration on the brunette's face caused creasing in his forehead. His bottom lip pouting further than it usually did. Despite the dull sky, the window offered enough light to throw shadow in the right places. The black and white portrait was some of his best work. The blue orbs that stared back at him were a reflection of the angel's. He hoped this astonishing figure would come to life, that he already existed and was the boy waiting to be found. He wished he had the courage to leave the comfort of his sanctuary to search high and low for the man Shane wanted him to be cradling in his arms at night, feeling his heart break piece by piece, crumbling as everyday that passed without the singer beside him shattered an extra portion of the only organ keeping him alive.

The portrait was done. Mark's head was pounding and it was time to indulge in a hot cup of cocoa by the fire, watching the flames as they mesmerised him to nap until the next water slot. Perhaps he should shower today. Maybe he should wash the filth from his hair and the soreness of tears from his cheeks. Or he could just wallow for one more day. See if Shane came to his subconscious to lecture him about the importance of self-hygiene. It had never been an issue before, Mark giving up on his dashing appearance, but Shane prided himself on being presentable at all times and no one would want to lay beside Mark in bed if he smelt like a tramp. He'll just sit by the fire for now. See what happens.  
***

“Shane how did you get back? I thought you were dead.” Mark’s arms reached out in front of him to take hold of his man. To hold him tighter than Shane had him before he left for America. 

“I’m waiting Marky.” Shane stared back at him. His hazel eyes almost black. 

“Waiting for what? We’re together again.” Mark’s eyes were filled with relief as the last night’s dream must have been his imagination playing tricks on him.

When Mark’s hands were about to come in contact with Shane’s neck, his pale Irish skin shimmered like a vampire in sunlight. He couldn’t feel flesh. His hand vanished into the lifeless figure before him and the vision of his almost fiancé was wafted away into a puff of smoke.

Gasping for air as his body sprung from his bed, Mark panted and opened his eyes.  
“Fuck sake!” he sighed, flopping back down on his back, sinking his head into the goose feather pillow that was stained with tears. “Another fucking dream.”

The frustration with his tricky mind was getting worse. He wished he had someone to blame for every tease he was jabbed with. Every time he thought he’d seen, heard or being in contact with Shane, it turned out to be a dream. He knew he wouldn’t see his boyfriend walk the earth again but it was so painful to come to terms with when his subconscious was giving him such believable ways to doubt himself. 

The sun was shining today and after forgetting to close the curtains the night before, Mark could feel the warmth of the rays beaming through the bedroom window onto his face. How long would the sunshine last? How many days would it be until Ireland was victim to the Black Mist-ery? It wouldn’t just be Ireland undercover either. Yes it would be the first land to shadow under the cloud but once it had found its place, the UK and Europe would be suffering too along with Africa if the mass hadn’t shrunk anymore on its travels across the ocean. 

He laid staring at the ceiling and realised today would be the best chance to spend some quality time with his parents in their garden. One last alcohol fuelled BBQ maybe? It was within shower time so Mark jumped into the bathroom and washed away the grease from his hair. He actually enjoyed preening himself; shaving his beard into a smart cut, twisting a spot of gel into his fringe to form a half hearted quiff, clipping his finger nails to a reasonable length and drawing guy-liner onto his lower lash line. He needed to look good in case he bumped into his angel. 

The second the doorbell rang, Marie was hot on her heels to welcome in her son. At first she pulled him in for a long, loving hug but as she stepped away her hand slapped the back of Mark’s head serving him a warning not to ignore her calls at a time like this. 

“The Mist-ery is coming Mark. I need to know you’re safe.”

“No one’s safe Mam but I won’t give up easy. As much as I’m desperate to be with Shane again I have to do something else first. How are you guys anyway?”

Mark’s dad puffed a short, sharp breath from his tight lips. He was having trouble comprehending the truth but when he saw the torture in his son’s eyes after losing his man, it all began to feel more real.  
“I’m so sorry Markus. I’m sorry we’re not Shane and he was taken too soon.”

“Dad, don’t apologise. I’ve spent the last 4 weeks grieving and pushing everyone away but I know that was terribly selfish of me. I can’t even bring myself to call Mae and Peter. What would I say?”

Mark’s mum had been best friends with Mae for many years and had spoken to the heartbroken mother on several occasions. There was no funeral for her boy and she was torn to shreds over the thought of her youngest son laying dead in a gutter or cold and alone on his bed. No one knew if he’d been alone when he was taken. No one knew how long it’d took to claim him. Although it hurt now not to know the details, it wouldn’t matter in the end. 

There had been a brief showing of a satellite image of broken America on BBC news just 2 weeks ago but all whom were inflicted to it, reported the terrifying medium to the broadcasting ombudsman and it had been banned from public use. It was far too late though what with modern technology, a copy of the image was easily accessible online for those that wanted to scare the bejesus out of themselves. 

The blackness of North and South America was scary. It wasn’t that far away but it looked like another planet. It was only a photo but all judgement concluded with how still it looked. Just wasted land. The only colour seen as tiny specks were the persistent eruptions of every volcano ever to spit lava. The surrounding seas were green as the ocean’s life floated to the surface after suffocating. Many wished they could cut a slice of the globe away like a cake so they couldn’t be visually reminded of how the entire planet was going to end up. Why hadn’t someone worked out what this thing was? There was no one in control within the mass itself. No pilot flying it to its next destination. Was this a natural disaster or the work of “aliens”? Had earth’s population been so ignorant to intelligent life in the universe that they’d missed the warning signs?

“Don’t fret son. We’ll all be together again soon.” Marie rubbed Mark’s hand over the dining table and gave him a comforting smile. 

“How long do you think we have left?”

“Predictions give a week or so before it hits lands then it’s anyone’s guess how long we survive.”

“Aren’t you scared Mam? I’m petrified.” Mark’s nerves choked him as he imagined his pending death. The only comfort was hoping he’d be reunited with Shane at the end of it. “I don’t think I can say goodbye to you.”

“No need darling. We’re all going to the same place. Let’s just say we’ll see each other there. I couldn’t cope to know if you left before us. As soon as the Mist-ery hits and communication is lost... We’ll pray and leave you be. If that’s what you want.”

“I couldn’t handle knowing you go first either. I know it’s gut wrenching not knowing what happened to Shane but maybe it’s better that way. I know we don’t have to live with the truth but I’d rather not die in agonising mental pain too. I’m almost tempted to just...” he sighed and realised he was talking to his mother and knew what he was about to admit would cut like a knife. “Never mind.”

“I know son. But if you feel that’s how you want to go then please don’t tell me. At least wait until technology and electricity dies so I’m not tempted to find out.” Marie had feared Mark would take his own life the moment it was clear he’d never see Shane again. She understood why her boy would feel that way and accepted it might be how he chose to die but she didn’t want to know for sure. She just needed Mark to know she’d forgive him in the afterlife.

The Feehily son averted his gaze from his loving mammy and faked a smile as a single tear rolled down his colourless cheek, splashing onto the pine wood table top. “I can’t take my own life. I can’t let Shane down. I have to do as he’s asked so we can be together. I need to find my angel.”

He wasn’t making much sense to Marie but everyone was beginning to crack in the wide spread anxiety so she didn’t ask him to explain his babble and simply patted his hand before moving away to make them a cuppa.

The day was closing in far too quickly for Mark’s liking. It’d felt like a normal day, sharing memories with his parents over a glass of wine by the BBQ his dad made for them all. Often his mind would wonder to all the romantic picnics he’d shared with Shane but he tried to push them away and focus on all the happy memories his parents had given him throughout his lifetime. He had so much to thank them for and once conversation had gotten serious, Mark’s dad had disappeared indoors to avoid reminiscing. In reality, his dad was coping the least but it went unsaid in an awkward silence as Mark and Marie shared the last dregs of alcohol as the sun began to set.

“I love you Mammy.” Mark proudly whispered in her ear as he held her close for a cuddle prior to his return home. 

“I love you too Marky.” Her voice broke. The sweet Irish tone of her vocals, shattering like a mirror thrown from great height.  
Everyone had bad luck coming their way. It didn’t matter. Choking up over the touch of her baby boy pressed against her bosom, she remembered the day he was born and wished she could go back and relive the last 30-odd years.  
“You were my dream baby Marky. Thank you for being the model son we always wished for. You’re such a sweetheart. So kind and loving. You’ve never let us down.”

“Mam don’t do this now.” Mark sniffed, his eye filling as he felt his mum convulse. Holding her tighter to keep her safe. “You’re the queen of my heart. The most important woman in my life. I promise I won’t… I won’t disrespect you by ending it too soon.”

“Do what makes you feel most comfortable dear. It’s not the end… only in this realm.”

“Do you really think I’ll see Shane again?” he pulled back and looked her in the eye for an honest answer.

Marie nodded. She’d always believed in God until now and despite the lack of faith in any culture and religion now, she still strongly believed in the afterlife and clung onto that belief to get her through.  
***

 

*There's such a fooled heart, beatin' so fast in search of new dreams; a love that will last within your heart. I'll place the moon within your heart.*

 

The moon was shining almost brighter than the sun had. The face of the night’s orb, still with the same sadness and shocked expression as it gazed down on earth almost empathetic to its expiration. How many souls were doing the same? Could Shane see Mark now? 

Before reaching in his pocket to produce his front door key, the brunette sat on the front step and stared up into space. Drawing patterns in the stars as they twinkled in the clearest night sky he’d seen for months. Just as he was about to take out the earplug providing music on his short wander home, one of his favourite tracks played and it struck a chord. He took a deep breath of fresh air into his lungs and raised his head to sing to the moon, hoping somewhere, Shane was listening to his heart.

“I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me. I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out. I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while. Even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me. There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay. But that's not what gets me. What hurts the most was being so close. And havin' so much to say, And watchin' you walk away. And never knowin' what could've been. And not seein' that lovin' you, is what I was trying to do. It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go but I'm doing it. It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone. Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret. But I know if I could do it over I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken…”

He didn’t much care for the neighbours or anyone listening in that moment. He was in a world of his own and no one really cared when anyone did something remotely embarrassing, odd or weird. No one was in their right mind anymore. His powerful voice was heard though and it made several people stop in the street if only for a few seconds in search of the strong vocals. When he realised he was watched by the lingering shadows on the street, he dropped his head, avoided eye contact with them and rushed inside.  
***

Every night was a Friday night. Days weren’t relevant anymore and the pubs were teaming with part time alchis desperate to drown their fears. Walking into the pub around the corner from Mark’s house, the blonde boy gave the barman the thumbs up indicating he wanted his usual tipple. Perching his little butt on the stool, Nicky puffed and looked bewildered. 

“What’s the craic Nico?” the barman asked already pouring his Guinness.

“Nah, nada. Just a weird coincidence I think.” 

“You dreaming crazy too?”

“Don’t know if it was Deja vu, a dream or just… I dunno man. It was weird.” Nicky nodded at Keith as he took his pint and took a sip. “On my way here there was a guy sat outside what I presume is his house, singing to himself.”

“What’s so crazy about that?”

“I felt like I’d already lived it. It’s dark obviously and I was on the other side of the road but from what I remember, or think I remember, it was the guy… the guy I’ve seen somewhere before, singing on his doorstep. Does it happen in a film or something?”

“Probably but couldn’t tell you which one. What was he singing?”

“Cascada! What hurts the most… I suppose he was singing it to someone he’s lost.” Nicky shrugged with a creased forehead. “But as soon as I heard him there was a flashback in my mind of someone saying… you know what it doesn’t even matter.” The blonde shook off his thoughts and chugged on his pint. “Maybe I just imagined the entire thing. I woke up this morning thinking I had to get ready for school and I left nearly 20 years ago.”

“Ha-ha sounds like a nightmare to me. Clearly just work related though. Not too many of those for you tonight Nico.” Keith chuckled as he turned to serve his next customer.  
***

It might have late, he didn’t even know anymore. He’d taken the batteries out his wall clocks to use in his TV remote and time stood still after he dropped his watch in the washing up bowl. No one had time so it didn’t seem to matter what a clock face read. He could sleep when he was dead.

The lounge light was dimmed as the log fire flickered ambers onto the stone tiled surround. Never one to paint as such, Mark had still once invested in an easel. It stood in the corner of the room with a framed picture of Lough Gill blissfully reflecting the sunset around the silhouette of Shane by the water’s edge. No one could tell who the figure was except him but once shared on social media it’d been used as the singers first album cover after a barrage of fans marvelled at its beauty. Carefully placing the frame on the floor, against the wall, Mark replaced it with a blank A2 canvas. Where his brushes were was anyone’s guess so he squeezed a grey acrylic spot on his finger and wiped it down the white piece, forming a forehead. Fluently, the designer went on to create a finger painting worth millions had a real artist smeared it into shape. The attention to detail was still there though and a splash of colour in the eyes and lips finished it off beautifully. 

“Yellow… I need yellow.” He muttered to himself, staring at the product from a distance. With the lemon shade on 3 finger tips, he delicately waved them down the crown, forming blonde hair with just 9 strands glowing for a fringe. Whilst temporarily forgetting his hands were covered in an artistic mess, Mark held his chin as he tilted his head to study the portrait again. “It’s him… find me angel. Find me.” He smiled, happy with his effortless work of art. 

He took a seat by the fireplace with a fresh cup of tea in his hand and grunted at the spots of paint now on his favourite mug. As ever he stared at the fire’s glow and was transfixed as memories engulfed him. 

**  
“I’m looking to design something for my new home.” Shane had told Mark as they stood in the showroom in the centre of town where Mark worked. “I don’t care for the cost. I’ve just signed myself a record deal, it’s sound.”

“Wow, ready to conquer the charts? Sounds interesting.” Mark grinned at the pretty brunette in his twenties. 

“Yeah I’ve been singing around Sligo for a few years now but I’ve been discovered. I guess it’ll take time to start making real money but I’m not exactly poor as it is so I want you to design me a beautiful house.”

“Yeah of course. Have you ever played Sixth?”

“Yeah a couple of times on open mic night but mainly other places. Do you think you could have heard me?”

“I think I’d remember if I’d seen you before so who knows. You’ll have to sing to me to jog my memory.” Mark’s cheeky smile was noticed straight away and when Shane smirked back at him accompanied with an embarrassed chuckle, he blushed. “Sorry.”

“Maybe you should come down to O’Connell’s tonight and find out.” Shane winked, sensing the designers flirting. “Be one of the first to see me perform under a contract. Free while you can.”

“Maybe I will.” His eye’s sparkled, hoping and praying to god that this guy was gay. “Should I show you my room first?” Shane's eyes narrowed in confusion and amusement. “Rooms… designs.” He stumbled over his words and rolled his eyes, trying to hide his teenage-like grin. 

“Lead the way.” Shane giggled, watching the tall, younger boy lead him to the desk where they leaned in close to see the screen. He noticed Mark’s eyes on him the entire time and felt a swarm of butterflies in his belly every time his breath spread over his cheek while talking. He didn’t hear a lot of what was said as he was desperate to lunge forward to kiss the strangers plump lips, chatting away. After 45 minutes of this awkward tension, their eyes met following a suggestion that Mark visited his home to measure up. Shane swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. “Definitely. You should um… totally measure me up… for the, erm, furniture and stuff. Where’s a good place to start?”

“The bedroom.” Mark whispered, keeping his eyes fixed on the hazel iris staring back at him. After what seemed like an eternity, Shane sat back, biting his bottom lip, trying his hardest to stave off an obvious smirk. “I can come tomorrow.” Shane nodded. “It’s a date then… I mean, I’ll make the appointment. Time?”

“As early as possible. It’s a big house.”

Pulling the pen from his breast pocket, Mark’s hand shook as he looked down to the diary to double check he was free then put a strike down the entire page. “I’m free all day.” He said, closing the book and slamming his pen on top of the hardback front. “You best have plenty of lemonade.”

Shane wasn’t entirely sure what he’d meant by lemonade but he couldn’t have wished the day to come quicker. Of course the measure had been more than a tape along skirting boards. They’d sized every inch of each other in almost every room of the upper floor before Mark even began work. The sexual attraction between them had erupted the second Mark stepped into the house having not made it to the pub to see Shane’s gig the night before and it had cemented a relationship between them immediately. Shane wasn’t scared of being outwardly gay the second he was in the public eye. Mark was gorgeous and he was proud to say he was madly in love with the Sligo boy. Not once had he ever been tempted by female fans during his reign to stardom and the boys were solid for the succeeding 8 years until Shane was forced to America on his own.  
**

Mark’s morning cigarette was like a breath of fresh air as the nicotine hit his lungs, the rush of tingles spreading down his limbs like an orgasm. The windowsill was hard and cold as the breeze wafted in through the window. Was it even still morning? It was quite a dull day again. Plenty of cloud cover casting shadows as the sun half heartedly tried to burn through the grey pillows of fluffy precipitation ready to fall. The piping coffee in his left hand offered some warmth as he cradled it against his chest, flicking fag ash into the pot with his right. He hadn’t had a dream that night. He felt empty and alone. The TV had turned itself off and the fire had burned out as he fell asleep in his chair, not making it to bed. The only comfort he felt was the eyes of the canvas staring back at him as he blew smoke out the crack in the window. He took a long, hard inhale through his mouth, licked his lips, pinched his inner cheek as he held the breath and slowly breathed it out through his nose as he closed his eyes. 

‘What’s that smell?' Mark’s face crumpled as he caught a whiff of something sour and fermented. He climbed off the sill and checked his fridge and bins for anything that could be offering the unsavoury scent. But he found nothing. The further he got from the window, the lighter it was. He shrugged it off and flicked the switch on the TV remote. 

There it was. The muchly anticipated newsflash everyone had been waiting for. It was coming. It was closer now and the first signs were imminent. The smell was explained and Mark immediately remembered Shane’s complaint about it. His heart skipped a beat as his eyes fixed on the monitor, his mouth fallen open causing his throat to dry. 

'This is it.’ Mark tried his best to moisten his mouth again and avert his gaze but having done so he found himself staring at the blonde boy on the portrait.  
“Where the fuck are you blondie?” He reached for his mobile perched on the chair arm and rang his mam. “It’s coming... Mam I’m so scared. I love you, I love you so much.” He broke down, dropping to his knees in front of the TV set, grasping the side of the recliner until his bum hit the floor. His sobs were uncontrollable now making his speech barely decipherable. “Stay safe... Thank you for... I’m, I’m so grateful for... If we don’t... You know... I love you.” The phone slipped from his fingers to the carpet before his mother could reply.

The sudden realisation that this was real hit Mark hard. His guts were aching as he trembled in fear, his palms sweating and his pulse racing. He felt sick. Unable to get a hold of his heart beat, it continued to race erratically as his arms and legs shook. He was hyperventilating. Struggling to calm himself as the force of an anxiety attack took over him, he screamed at the top of his lungs and cried hard. Burning tears falling down his cheeks as his fingers curled into fists and his arms closed up to his chest. 

'Oh god not like this... I’m not ready to die.’ Mark’s eyes were tightly shut as he huffed and puffed. 'Calm down, what’s happening?' he told himself. 'Is this a heart attack?' He’d never felt more alone in all his life. His tall, burly body was out of control as he lay shaking on his living room floor. This had never happened before and he hadn’t the slightest idea how to get out of it.  
***

“Get up hot shot!” 

Nicky felt a swift, sharp slap across his ankles resting on the edge of the coffee table, his body limp on the sofa as he woke to Keith’s voice. “Hmm, what?” he hissed to a pounding headache. 

“I warned you not to drink too much last night. Now get home. It’s here, it’s coming.”

“What is?” Nicky rubbed his face as he sat up, placing his feet firmly on the floor. He saw the seriousness in Keith’s eyes and knew. “Right. Great. Not today!”

“Yes today. Can’t you smell it? You need to go.”

“Gee thanks.” He grumbled, forcing himself to stand in his hungover state. “For real?” Keith nodded in sadness. “Oh... Erm. Well thanks for letting me stay. I guess I’ll um, see you soon then.”

“Good luck Nicky. It’s been a pleasure knowing you. Take whatever you feel justified from the cellar before you go. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Keith I’m so sorry. You’ve been a great friend and I hope you and your wife find peace.”

“We have each other. You need to find someone too Nicky. I’d hate to think you were alone in this. Take whatever you can carry, I mean it. It’s a free for all now.”

Nicky nodded as he swallowed the lump in his throat. Whiskey and vodka may be his only friend now so he did as offered and filled a ruck sack of as many spirits as he could carry. Free booze before he died sounded like a fantastic way to go. He hurled the bag over his shoulder and buckled his knees under the weight but he didn’t care, he didn’t have far to walk home, then he wouldn’t need to go far again after that. He got as far the nearest bench round the corner before needing to take a breather. The air wasn’t as fresh anymore. The first signs of the mist had reached Ireland and the stench was enough to make him feel sick already.  
Slumping down on the wooden bench, he slid the bag from his shoulder and tilted his head back to look at the sky. It just looked like a normal, miserable day but wider spread panic was already in the streets. 

Everyone was rushing to the shops to stock up on their bread and milk for the freezer but food didn’t appeal to Nicky anymore. Why bother? If he died of starvation no one would be around to miss him. He reached into the Nike sack and pulled out a bottle of rum. It was only 11:14am but hair of the dog seemed more appealing than a bacon butty so he unscrewed the cap and took a deep sniff of the coconut scent, much sweeter than the fishy smell in the atmosphere. He closed his hand around the neck of the bottle and lifted it to his dehydrated lips but as his eyes levelled with the downstairs window of the house in front of him he paused. There in the windowsill was the singing boy, sketching with great concentration on his face.

“That’s him.” The blonde muttered before trickling a sip of Pina Colada into his mouth. He swilled it over his tongue and swallowed, his eyes fixed on the brunette in his eye sight. Suddenly a rush of cold blood swept his body and he clenched his jaw. He’d had a dream. Mark hadn’t but he had and as he recalled the voice within it he broke his gaze with a confused brow. “No… number 9?” As he looked back to the front door, there in the centre was a 9, bold as brass. He took a deep breath and shivered as the cold breeze caught the back of his neck. He sniggered and shook his head, taking another mouth full of rum. “Just go knock on the door shall I?!” he snorted before replacing the bottle and carrying on his shuffle home.

Catching a figure move out the corner of his eye, Mark looked down onto the street and did a double take. Twisting his body closer to the glass, he gripped the wooden window pane and watched the blonde walk away. “It’s you… come back!” he whispered. “You’re going the wrong way.” He sighed as he watched Nicky wander off down the road but when the blonde stopped, he waited on bated breath to see if he’d turn back.

‘Go back, sit on the bench, see if he notices you.’ A voice in Nicky’s head told him. It wasn’t his voice. It was an Irish country accent for sure but not his own.  
‘Don’t be absurd, this is ridiculous.’ his own conscience chipped in.  
‘He’s waiting for you, you don’t have long left.’  
“I drank way too much last night.” Nicky huffed and proceeded to go home.

Mark’s heart sank. It’d taken him an hour to calm from his panic attack. He begged for Shane to help him but he’d had to take control himself. Shane was too busy trying to guide Nicky towards him to actually watch over his struggling boyfriend. He may have been in another world but he could still only be in one place at once and pushing Nicky towards him was proving harder than the late singer had hoped. Did Shane already know this blonde? Why had he picked him? He was nothing like Mark’s usual type. But Shane knew best, he’d always been right and Mark had already accepted there was a blondie to come. But when? He didn’t have the confidence to speak to every cute blonde guy he saw walk passed the window but there was something of this particular guy that resembled the angel in his dream and the face on the pictures he was drawing. It had to be him!

As Nicky stepped into his house, he trampled on the mail; his foot stamped on the face of popstar Shane Filan on the front cover of his subscribed magazine. Luckily it was sealed in cellophane so he bent down to wipe away the muddy shoe print and smiled until he saw the title. 

‘Shane’s last words to the world as America stole his soul.’

Nicky looked confused. “No fucking way.” He dropped the rest of the bills and junk mail in his hand and tore open the packaging to see the cover fully. “He went to America!?” he gasped, knowing what this meant.

He’d been a fan of the Sligo star from day one, having seen him play several time in O’Connell’s. He’d tried it on with the star only to be knocked back, the brunette insisting he was in a happy relationship. Nicky was gutted at the time but continued to support the talented Irish man into his chart success but he’d had no idea he’d been shipped off to face his end in the USA. “Please god no.”

Feeling a tennis ball lump in his throat, Nicky shuffled towards his sofa and gently placed the bag of booze on the floor by his feet before staring at Shane on the front cover. There was no perfect smile, no sparkle in his eyes and no signs of hope in the image. Shane’s eyes were lifeless and his frown painted a thousand words. The article had been written the day the news broke that he couldn’t return home and it’d been sent to the UK to print before communication broke down. 

Nicky opened the page to find the interview. Immediately the spread hit him, like a cannon ball being thrust at his gut as he saw the highlighted words.  
‘I won’t die happy without my Marky. I’m truly alone in this. I’m broken.’ 

The photo of Shane and Mark caught his eye next. It was from just months ago, when the world had a bright future and the pair was so close to engagement. The happiness between the couple shone from the page; Shane cuddled up to Mark with his head resting upon the taller boy’s chest as they both laughed. It had been captured by a local club photographer and made its way onto social media. Nicky’s jaw locked tight as a tear escaped his eye. “He was alone? Fuck.” He whispered to himself. Proceeding to read the interview, Nicky wept the entire way through. 

‘How dare they print this now?! What about Mark? He must be beside himself.’  
When he got to the end and it confirmed where the boys had lived, showing a picture of the park down the road, Nicky dropped the magazine into his lap as he narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, thinking hard.  
“That’s him, it’s Mark. It has to be him…” Nicky mumbled, again talking to himself as he did a lot now. “Fuck… the poor thing.”

**  
The shock hadn’t settled down yet and his heart was bleeding. He’d never been so isolated in a foreign place. He’d always been with management or Mark. Not now, not ever again. He curled up on the sofa, his feet tucked under his bum as he twisted a loose thread on the purple cushion cover under his arm, his elbow resting on the chair arm. His eyes were sore and red, wet cheeks shimmering in the studio light as a photographer distastefully took snaps of Shane’s misery. She tried to be as empathetic as possible and didn’t ask Shane to pose at all, but got up in his face too much until he shoved the lens away with a huff.

“Are you fucking serious?” he scowled at her. “Don’t you think this is hard enough for Mark and my parents as it is without having to see how painful it is for me?”

“Just doing my job, sorry.” The girl recoiled and popped the cover back on the lens, frowning at the interviewer ready to ask Shane for his final words. “I’ll work with what I have, sorry again.” 

Watching the woman walk away, Shane wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his grey, long sleeved top. He sniffed and sighed, trying to refocus on Travis, indicating he was ready. He gave the slightest nod as he took control of his tears, clearing the suffocating growth in his oesophagus. He needed Mark. He wanted Mark holding him tight and Travis could sense this. He felt uncomfortable having to do the article but told himself and Shane it might give closure for loved ones back home. 

Shane rolled his eyes after the pointless questions about his new single. Who cared? He wouldn’t know how well it went even if it did hit the charts. “I guess it’s now just a farewell for my fans in the Far East. They’ve been so kind to me. The time Mark and I spent there last year was so humbling. The fans are immense but so lovely. They made me feel so welcome, we didn’t want to leave.”

“Did your boyfriend often follow you on tour?”

“Of course. Why would I want to travel the world without him? If I had to be away from him for a month at a time I wouldn’t go. Mark’s everything to me. My biggest supporter in everything I do. He’s amazing.”

“I understand he was due to fly over next week to join you here. Do you regret taking the interview on the show?”

“What sort of a stupid question is that?! I’m here on my own and now I can’t go home or have him flown over. Of course I regret it but how was anyone to know this bullshit was going to happen? If anything, I regret taking this career choice because now I’m left with nothing. It’s all been for nothing.” Shane scorned Travis, care free of whether he printed it or not. “This entire interview is pointless now. I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to sing anymore. I don’t want to be sat here telling everyone how grateful I am for the love and support in making my career a success because none of it matters now.”

“As you say, your Asian fans will be comforted by your music longest. Do you not think you could offer some inspiration to keep their spirits up?”

Shane sniggered, shaking his head with a smirk on his face. “That’s not what I meant. I love my fans. They’ve made it worthwhile but at the end of the day mate, I’m not happy. They’d want me to be happy right? Well I’m not. They know I’m going to die without the only person that matters. Everyone knows how much Mark means to me. I was going to propose to him when he got here. We were going to tour Graceland and I’d got the whole thing planned.”

“You were going to propose? That’s wonderful. I’m sure he’ll be delighted to know this.”

“Yeah except I can’t even tell him myself. How do I know if he’d have said yes?”

“I’m sure he’d be proud to say yes. I can tell, and your fans know how much this man means to you. How about attempting an email? If this article gets sent today it might still get to the UK in time.”

“He wouldn’t get it in time to reply. There’s a matter of hours left of business internet availability. I just hope he reads this and knows I regret not being able to hold him til we sleep. I want him to be safe… this is killing me. I can’t do this. I can’t…” Shane stood to his feet and threw his water glass against the wall, smashing it into a thousand pieces. “Argh! This is pointless. I’m pointless, this fucking interview is pointless man. I’m trapped, I can’t see or speak to anyone I know. I’m already dead. I’m already nothing… put this in your pipe and smoke it.” Shane stuck his middle finger up at Travis and stormed out of the studio.  
**

Nicky shuffled in his seat as he read the conclusion of the interview.  
‘It was clear to me that the Irish superstar was resigning his post. Quitting all responsibility of his visit to America. He didn’t have a job anymore to break a continent destined for other things. The broken glass is scattered by the door as he leaves the room in tears, crunching under his feet before he’s seen falling in a heap on the floor outside the entrance. What could I do to make him feel better? His world was lost. His nearly fiancé was home in Ireland and this Sligo boy was broken and alone. Such a painful sight to see his solitude take over him and ultimately take his life. It will take us all and my only hope now is our time together is seen by his homeland so his boyfriend knows just how much their relationship meant. My gut is twisting now. This talented star is trapped and will never be complete as we all bid farewell to the world.’

“Fucking hell.” Nicky wiped his eyes and sniffles on his shoulder. “Oh Filan, I’m so…” before he could finish mumbling to himself he heard the letter box clatter. He ran to check what was floating to the floor and creased his forehead at the seemingly blank page. He turned it over and saw the number 9 typed neatly in the corner. “What the…?” he unlocked the door and took a peak outside but there was no one on the street which was unusual as it was main access road to town. “Someone’s fucking with me.”

He chose to fold the paper up and stick it in his back pocket, making his way into the kitchen to put the kettle on. Checking it was full, he saw the water line level with the number 9. He’d only had one cup full from it since yesterday afternoon. He sighed, rolling his eyes as he turned to pick up the coffee caddy and there inside was 9 Nescafe sachets. He’d failed to go shopping for a proper jar so had dipped into his camping stash of handy portions. Although he’d consciously counted them he didn’t let the amount put him off until he looked at the carton of milk and the used by date on it was the 9th. This was getting creepy now. It was the 9th of the month. There was 9 dirty cups waiting for be washed up. 9 of everything everywhere. He clutched his hair and let out a crazy shriek, before slamming his hands down on the kitchen worktop and closing his eyes tightly. 

“Breathe Nico… you’re hallucinating again. Too much beer, not enough sleep.”

He made his coffee and settled himself back down on the sofa, turned on the TV and there was the news, reeling off the interview in the magazine. Suspicions were now circulating on what Shane did next. This is ridiculous. As if anyone knew the truth… but someone did and they’d sent details to Ireland just in time. How had this email been missed? Why didn’t Mark and his parents know already? It had been weeks ago.  
Nicky sat to attention and felt his heart race. 

“No… no that can’t be right.” Nicky’s confused and pale face watched on in shock. “Shit.” He pulled the paper from his back jeans pocket and opened it again. Faded and barely noticeable was a few words written across the middle of the page. Squinting to make it out, Nicky held it up his face and re-read it over and over to be sure there was something there and he wasn’t just imagining it. “This is real… the dream, it… I’m on my way!”  
***

 

*As the pain sweeps through, makes no sense for you. Every thrill is gone. Wasn't too much fun at all. But I'll be there for you as the world falls down.*

 

Mark’s ribs ached as he sat in the bath. Not his Shane. No way. There’s no way he’d do that. He was listening to his man’s album, singing along as he held his knees to his chest, his wet hair dripping down his cheeks, seeping into his tears as one. The condensation on the mirror caused the droplet race, Mark betting on the winner every time for a change. Rocking to the soft rhythm of the song, the brunette washed away his emotions with a cup full of luke warm bath water, pouring it over his head and gasping, spitting out a gob full of lavender scented bubbles. 

The knock at the door startled him. Who could that be? No one ever knocked on his door. Perhaps someone read the magazine or saw the news. He didn’t want to talk about it. Why should he talk about it now? Not like he’d have long left to suffer the heart ache. He ignored it, submerging his head under the water as his feet lifted to rest above the taps on the cold tiles, his legs at a 90 degree angle like they usually were on the windowsill. The pounding on the door seemed louder from under water like it was vibrating the bath. Go away!

“Mark?” a voice came from through the letterbox. “Mark, answer the door please.”

Mark slid up the end of the bath, water spilling over onto the carpet as he tried to work out who the voice belonged to. He’d never heard it before. “Mark I’m not a journo, I promise. I’m… just open the door OK, please.”

Mark was terrified. He didn’t want to talk to anyone but he thought it must have been important if someone was willing to go out in that disgusting air outside. “Go away, I’m not interested.” He yelled, unsure if he’d be heard. 

“I’m not going anywhere. Shane sent me.”

The mention of his name fumed Mark. How dare someone say something so insensitive and ridiculous? Shane was dead. He jumped out of the bath, wrapping a fluffy robe around his sopping wet torso and shot to the front door, leaving a trail of droplets and suds along the way. Without looking through the peep hole first, Mark flung the door wide open about to punch his visitor in the face but when he saw the blonde staring back at him he froze.

“What… it’s you.” Mark’s eyes were the widest they could possibly have been without popping from their sockets. “But how did you… who are you?”

Nicky grinned and looked up at Mark, naked under his robe. “Mark right?”

“Of course. What do you mean Shane sent you? He’s de-“

“Dead I know… except he’s still around. Somewhere, somehow I don’t know but he’s been pushing me here for days now. I saw the news and knew I had to get here to make sure you didn’t do anything stupid too.”

“You look just like them… I’ve never seen you before in my life though…I don’t…”

“Are you gonna let me in then? It’s freezing outside, it must be getting draughty down there.” Nicky chuckled, nodding down to Mark’s almost exposed crotch. 

Without replying with words Mark gestured Nicky into the house. “Thanks. I’ll let you get dressed first.”

“I don’t get it. Who are you and what are you doing here?”

“Can I…?” the blonde pointed to the lounge but as he stepped inside, he suddenly stopped, causing Mark’s body to crush him from behind. 

“Whoa, sorry, you stopped.”

“What the actual fuck?!” Nicky freaked out, turning his head to see Mark’s embarrassed expression over the gallery of Nicky’s portraits in the corner of the room. 

“Yeah, they’re new.”

“Aren’t they…” stepping closer to see better, Nicky covered his mouth as he felt the weirdest sensation spread across his shoulders. “They look like me.”

“I think they might be.”

“You did these?” Mark nodded and noticed the back pack on his shoulder. “Why?”

“Here, let me take your bag.”

“Thanks… so, have we met or something? Why are you drawing pictures of me?”

“Why don’t you tell me first why the hell you’re knocking on my door today of all days.”

“Because it’d be too late otherwise and you’d never be with Shane again?”

“Did you speak to him before he… because I’ve been having some weird dreams lately and I…”

Nicky stepped to face Mark and grabbed his hands. “Me too. The fucking number 9 everywhere.”

“The number 9?!”

“Get dressed and we’ll exchange stories and theories.”

“Sure.” Mark let go of Nicky’s gentle touch and stepped back, keeping his attention on the twinkle in the blue eyes of his angel. “You’re… you’re Nicky right?” he received a nod. “Right… be right back.” 

He scuttled off to throw some clothes on and take out the plug in the bath. As he reached into his underwear drawer his knuckles grazed a small velvet box. The box. The one he was planning to propose to Shane with. He smiled and held it tight in his hand without opening it. It was far too small to fit on one of his chunky digits but he now knew Shane would have accepted had he ruined his man’s own surprise and got in there first. The album was still playing on the portable stereo in the bathroom and the lyrics playing in that moment stabbed him like a spear to the heart. 

“What we have is timeless. My love is endless. And with this ring I say to the world, you're my every reason, you're all that I believe in, with all my heart I mean every word.”

He sat on the edge of his bed and stared at the box, slowly opening it to marvel at its beauty. The stunning white platinum band was simple but crystal clear. He could see the reflection of his saddened frown shining on it. It should have been on Shane’s left hand soon. A statement and promise to the world that the only people that mattered to each other were them. He took in a deep breath and sighed as he let it out, rubbing the metal band around his thumb and index finger. 

“I’d have said yes.” Mark croaked, sensing Nicky’s presence by the bedroom door. 

“Yeah I read it… I’m so sorry. Were you going to ask him too?”

Mark held his arm out behind him with the ring on display as an answer. Nicky stepped into the room and took the piece from his hand. “He always stole my thunder. I thought I’d got this one in the bag.”

“At least you know he’d have said yes. You should wear it.”

“Won’t fit my fat fingers. Shane’s hands were so small and delicate I could have bought him a female’s and he wouldn’t have known the difference.” Mark broke a grin without looking up to the stranger staring down at him, still undressed. “I can’t believe he did what he did. I was happy not knowing.”

“I’m so sorry. Shows how determined he was not to live another day knowing he couldn’t be with you.”

“Is that meant to be some kind of consolation?” he snatched the ring back from Nicky and snapped it shut back into the box, tossing it into the drawer as he pulled out a pair of jocks. He didn’t care that the blonde was in the room as he slipped into his boxers, joggers and t-shirt. “You know nothing about him. Only what the media tells people.”

“I met him a few times. He was a great guy.” Nicky hung his head trying not to take offence to Mark’s mood. It was understandable. The world had just learnt the popstar committed suicide moments after storming out of his interview. “I know this must be hard for you but…”

“What!? Hard!? You know nothing. You have no idea how I’m… who the fuck are you anyway? What are you doing in my house?” Mark yelled, flapping his arms above his head.

Nicky held his hands up in mercy and apologised. “I’m sorry, let me explain… Shane he… Mark I’m so sorry. I should just go.” As the blonde took one step forward, he felt Mark’s hands shove his chest, forcing him to fall on the bed. “What…”

“You’re not going anywhere. I wanna know why I’ve been drawing pictures of you when I’ve never seen you in my life. I wanna know why you think Shane has told you to come here.”

“OK, calm down. That’s why I’m here.” Nicky was a little scared to be honest. The taller, bigger guy was towering over him at the end of the bed. He couldn’t feel he could move in fear of being slapped back down. 

“Mark please don’t freak out. I’m just as confused as you are.”

“I’ve just found out my boyfriend killed himself so you best get talking cause I’d much rather be sobbing in a corner right now drowning my sorrows until I’m completely inebriated, hallucinating that he’s in the room so I can slap the shit out of him for being so fucking stupid.”

Nicky couldn’t help but curl the corner of his lip into a smile. “I can help with the alcohol side of things if you back off so I can explain. Maybe you won’t know the details of what he did but isn’t it best that way?”

“He’s feeling guilty. That’s why he told me to find you and that he wouldn’t accept me in the afterlife unless I died, safe and warm in bed with someone else.”

“Exactly. I’m not him, I’m sorry but maybe he knows I need someone too. You need to relax so we can work this out between us. You don’t need the images in your head of how he went. It’d hurt too much.”

“It already hurts.” Mark screamed, falling back onto the vanity cabinet behind him. “He felt so alone and trapped Nicky… he ended it with no faith and hope left inside him. He was already dead inside.”

**  
Shane was in a heap on the floor outside the studio door. Office girls flocked to his side as they witnessed the star dramatically collapse to his knees and roar in pain as his eyes burst, shooting tears across the carpet. 

“I can’t do this. I can’t be here. I need to go home. I need Mark.” 

One girl crouched down to him and wrapped her caring arm around his back, rubbing his shoulder. “We’re so sorry you’re in this position Shane. I wish there was something we could do. Would you like to try and contact him?”

Shane nodded. He hoped even if he didn’t receive a reply that he could leave a message for Mark saying goodbye one last time. As much as his stomach felt prickly and empty he still wanted to hurl. Coughing through his man tears, the woman helped him up to his feet and he ran to the toilet to throw up in the sink. Hovering over the porcelain, Shane hung his head as he spat burning saliva from his bottom lip. It was like acid burning his throat. He hissed and swallowed to try and ease the pain, leaning his head to the tap to rinse his mouth out. As he stared at his reflection he saw a skull. No flesh or beautiful dark eyelashes around his eyes, no blush in his stubbled cheeks as the skin caved in under the cheek bone, his lips were blue and his iris turned black. 

“Fuck... No one said you’d see yourself dead first.” Shane muttered as a security guard entered the men’s to check on him. 

“I’ve seen it too. Believe it or not I was skin and bone in the mirror this morning. The fumes mess with your head right?” Tony sniggered, standing behind Shane as he shook away the daunting images in his reflection. “I’ve thought of ending it.”

“You’d do that? Don’t you have a family?”

“Yes. Wife and 3 kids. That’s why I can’t. But if I was totally alone I wouldn’t hesitate.” To be fair Tony had no idea who Shane was or what predicament he was in so his influence had been unintentional. 

“I shouldn’t be here. That’s why I’m alone. My fiancé should be due in a week... At least he would have been my fiancé not long after he got here. Now I have to die without him.”

“I’m really sorry dude. I can’t imagine how you feel.”

“No one can. I’m so broken... I promised to die lying in his arms if anything like this happened. I know it was just stupid hypothetical bullshit but it’s happening now and I’m not there for him. He’s always been there for me. He never lets me down and now he has to die alone because I didn’t have the courage to say no to my manager.”

“When did you last speak to him?”

“The moment before they announced loss of communication. Mobile signals, that stuff.”

“This thing doesn’t make much sense does it? It smells vile out there and we’re being plunged into darkness but we’re still going about with our jobs as if nothing is going to happen.” Tony sighed and held his head in his hands as he leaned back against the wall. “It scares me that we don’t know what to expect. What if it all gets solved and only America gets wiped out? Imagine how angry your boyfriend will be then.”

Shane almost laughed at the guard for his ridiculous comment. Why would he want to imagine that pain?! He felt guilty enough already for leaving Mark. Why was this guy rubbing it in? Dickhead. 

“The only comfort I’m taking from this is knowing he won’t discover how or when I die. I just hope I can spiritually guide him from my end. Comfort him and ensure he’s safe and warm. He might have his family around him for now but I know him. He won’t stay with his parents. He’ll be alone.” He turned his back against the unit and dropped his chin to his chest, his frown aching as his silent tears continued to flow down his concaved cheeks. “I’ve never felt this heartache before. I feel like a shell, barely breathing, no heartbeat. No control over anything. I don’t think I can sit and wait to perish without him in my life. I didn’t realise exactly how much he consumed me. I can’t... I literally can’t live without him.”

“I’m so sorry.” Tony whispered, touched by Shane’s pain. “I wish there was something I could do to take the pain away.”

Shane scanned the guard’s body from the tip of his toes; his shiny, black leather, steel toe cap boots, his black trousers tucked over the tongue and lace bow, making his way up to the utility belt full of accessories. A torch, a Taser... A gun! It was America after all.

“Ever used that gun?”

“No but it’s loaded. If this turns into an apocalyptic fight though I’m first in line to shoot the zombies.” Tony chuckled but Shane’s face remained still. “Ever held a gun?”

“Never. My grandfather used to shoot clay pigeons but I was always too young to hold the rifle. Too scared too perhaps.”

Tony reached for the weapon and pulled it from the holster, ensuring the safety lock was on. “She’s a beauty. Top of the range. Wanna feel?” he held the hand gun out flat on his hand, presenting it to Shane who carefully took it. “Heavy right?” Shane nodded, feeling the weight of the loaded weapon in his fingers, softly turning it between his hands. “Hold it properly. Imagine you’re in a cop show. It feels liberating. You’re in total control.”

Control? Shane had no control of anything anymore but the second his hand cupped the cold metal and he curled his index finger over the trigger he gasped. “No shit.” Tony was right. Shane had control now. An overwhelming sense of control and his body was suddenly alive with adrenaline. “Wow... It does feel amazing.”

Tony smiled and nodded. “If it makes you feel better, keep hold of it. I have another in the safe.”

“What?! I don’t have a license to carry a gun.”

“Who the fuck cares? You’ll be dead before anyone can toss you in prison for it. Just be discrete. You know, in case the zombies come.” 

“You and fucking zombies!” Shane finally chuckled but he was still fascinated by the cold, hard offence in his hand. “I’ll be using it alright.” 

“Ha-ha, no purges though man.” Tony joked as he heard the safety catch click. “Whoa dude what are you doing?”

Shane extended his arm and pointed the gun at Tony’s head without thinking. “Do not try and stop me mate.”

“Don’t shoot me please. I’ll do anything.” He pleaded, scared this little Irish man was going to go psycho on him. 

“I would never hurt you or anyone else... This is for me. This is my way out.” Shane slowly took a step backwards until he reached the door. He quickly slipped the gun up his sleeve and ran for the closest fire exit, scrambling up the steps until he burst out on the roof top 10 stories high. Panting as he reached the thick, suffocating air, he turned to check no one was behind him before slowly creeping towards the edge of the building. “This is it. My way out. Mark I’m sorry baby but I can’t do this without you.” He sobbed, taking in the sights of the busy city below and coughing at the chemical air engulfing his lungs. “I love you baby.”

Cautiously joining him on the roof was Tony. He closed the fire escape behind him and unbuckled his belt, dropping his weapons to the floor. “Shane, just calm down mate. You’re not alone.”

Spinning his arm round to face Tony, Shane noticed he was now unarmed and there as a friend. “You can’t talk me out of this.”

“Can I at least try and be a hero for once in my life?”

Shane dropped his arm, comfortable the brute before him wasn’t going to threaten him. Now Tony was without his defences, he looked like a kind man. Short greying hair above his ears, kind brown eyes, a yellow moustache and dimple in his chin. He looked like a former wrestler turned protective daddy. Hulk Hogan but rounder and chubbier in the face. It was his job to protect people from harm but as Shane was no threat to anyone but himself he felt the poor man needed talking down, not forcing down as he faced lethal weapons pointed at his face. Tony totally understood Shane’s feels. He wasn’t a bad man, he just looked the part. 

“My wife told me to take this job.” Tony began to gets Shane’s attention. “I used to be a mechanic and personal trainer but I pulled my back in training and lifting motors kinda broke me so I needed a new career. Who’d want to take a big, burley man like me on right? Minus tattoos I look like a hell’s angel.”

“I can just imagine you on a Harley.” Shane smirked. “More a Porsche guy myself.”

“I bet! So anyway, Caitlin my wife, she told me to protect and serve but I didn’t qualify for the forces so I became a security guard. I fucking hate it. Nothing ever happens around here. Not that I’m some big action man but a bit of variety and excitement wouldn’t go a miss.”

“Well here we are. Now she can die happy knowing you tried your best to save a nobody.”

“You’re not a nobody. Just because America doesn’t know who you are... The girls in the office researched you and went all fangirl over you. They know what a star you are across the globe. You’re a very talented young man with thousands of fans who will be depending on your influence and music to get them through this nightmare.”

“My fans know what Mark means to me. They know I’m nothing without him.”

“Why though? What’s is so wonderful about your boyfriend that makes you feel like you don’t deserve to live without him?”

“I never said I didn’t deserve it... I just don’t want to. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t even be here, trying to make millions in the hardest country to crack. He’s supported me from day one. Every time I wanted an extra half hour in bed, cuddled up to his warm embrace, he was the one that reminded me my manager takes no prisoners. He was the one spurring me on to be on time for all the fans waiting to catch me for a quick autograph as I enter a building for an interview or performance. He was the one that reminded me that if I slacked on punctuality for the sake of a lazy snuggle then I’d be disappointing the people that put me where I am... And he was right. The one time I was late, there was 40-odd fans waiting to have a photo and hug but I barely had time to wave at them. I was so gutted I cried in the dressing room before the show... But you know what Mark did? He went out there and spoke to them all. He apologised and took photos with them as a consolation prize. But he didn’t stop there. He sang with them the entire time I was in make up to lift their spirits... After I was done he didn’t wait for me. He shot back outside and silenced the crowd. As I walked out they all burst into piercing screams, orchestrated by Mark who’d cancelled our dinner date in order for me to stay and please my fans... It was the sweetest thing he’d done for me up to that point. He saved my skin that day, my reputation and he didn’t complain once that we didn’t get to the restaurant we’d had booked for 3 months. Luckily my manager called them to rearrange and we only had to wait 2 weeks to enjoy it but I had to beg for him to call them.”

“He sounds like a top guy. I understand why you love him so much.” Tony slowly shuffled a few steps closer to Shane who was stood with one foot on the raised edge. “How long have you been together?”

“8 years. Just before I hit the road to promote myself. It was 18 months before I released my first single but he was patient and supported the endless gigs along the way. My fans fell in love with him as they did me. He was always around like my body guard but he was never jealous of the attention. Some days they wanted photos with him instead... The regular fans in Sligo began asking for group photos in the end. Mark was almost as famous as me in the beginning.” He smiled. “People were disappointed for a while when my career took off and I did a few weeks promotion without him. He had his own job and couldn’t keep following me around all the time. Unless it was a big stint away from home or to a foreign country, then he’d be with me.”  
“So why isn’t he here?”

“I got sent over early. He was due to join me in a few days but the moment I got here that chance was taken away. Not even my manager had time to get here. I’m literally alone... I don’t know anyone in my team here. They don’t know me... I’m nothing now.” 

“It might feel that way but...”

“It is that way.” Shane yelled back, waving the gun around carelessly. “This is who I am now. This is what’s left of my pointless life. No one to make me feel safe or protected. No one to nurse me through this fucked up... Whatever it is. We’re all gonna die... But you get to die in the arms of the woman you love. You get to go home to your kids today and be thankful that your life is worth living until the end. I don’t have that. I can’t even speak to my mam or boyfriend again. My life is already over and I will not suffer on my own.” 

“Shane, I know you want to end this but there has to be another way. Look, I’m not armed, I’m not going to penalise you or report you to the authority or mental hospital, that’d be pointless. I just want to help.”

“You can’t help!” he yelled through relentless tears.  
“You can’t be the hero this time. You can’t save me. I’m done!” he took a step up onto the lip of bricks, his knees shaking as he steadied himself. “I have two options now. Either I jump or this gun...” Shane lifted it to his temple and pressed it in, denting his skin as his hand shook with fear. “Does the job for me. Either way I’m not suffocating for another day without him.”

“No, please. Just get down.” Tony panicked. One wobble or twitch and Shane’s decision would be made for him. “Shane, look at me mate. You’re acting crazy. You can come home with me, meet my wonderful family and we’ll take care of you.”

“That doesn’t bring Mark though does it? You don’t get it. He’s the only person that matters now. If I can’t die with him then I have to do this. He’ll never find out but it’ll give me time to save him. I have to know he doesn’t make the same mistake.”

“Mistake, exactly. This is just a momentary relapse, you don’t...”

“That’s not what I meant. He’s not the type of person to kill himself and he knows I’d never forgive him if he did. Whether or not I’m there waiting for him, I can’t let him do this too. But me? I don’t have a choice. I have no way out it’s too late. I can’t take this pain any longer. It hurts...” Shane’s legs began to weaken as his chest jolted, his eyes barely open as his wet lashes stuck together. “I love him so much. After everything he’s done for me, I have to repay him by guiding him into heaven in peace. I have a plan, I... I know someone who can... I have to do this.”

Tony closed his eyes and found himself choking up too. He knew he wouldn’t win this battle but had to keep trying. “If you could speak to him one last time, what would you say?”

“I don’t know... That I’m sorry for wimping out on him. Sorry for giving up... But that I can’t go on another day without him in my arms, without hearing his voice and feeling his heartbeat against my chest... That I regret nothing since we met and that marrying him would have been... Been the best day of my life.” The hard pressed metal, slowly drew away from his head as his tired arm fell limp. “That all he has to do is close his eyes and I’ll be there, cradling him to sleep, breathing down his neck and kissing his shoulder. To just... Look to the stars and know I’m looking down on him keeping him safe... That he doesn’t have to be scared because we’re going to be together again really soon and it’ll last forever. No one and nothing will be able to tear us apart again and we can just be us... Together for all eternity... Argh, god it hurts so much.”

Keeling over in excruciating pain, Shane held his stomach and jumped down from the wall, sitting on the edge instead as he felt dizzy. 

“That’s it, good lad. Now, put the gun down and...”

The suggestion sparked further outrage. Why wasn’t this guy listening? He was just having a rest, he wanted to be ready and sure which option was easiest. 

“No!” Shane looked up, pulling the weapon back out from under his arm and pointing it at Tony. “Its over mate... It’s over.” He placed the barrel into his mouth as he controlled his breathing and forced himself to stop crying so he could focus on Tony’s petrified expression. 

“Shane, you’d have done it by now if you were...”

Bang! 

In the split second it took Tony to blink, Shane was gone. The force of the bullet exploding in Shane’s mouth forced his body over the edge and the next thing Tony heard was piercing screams from the people down below as his lifeless, blood soaked body hit the ground and the sound of shattering, broken bones echoed across the foyer. He couldn’t look. Tony fell to his knees, feeling them crack as they met the hard cement floor below him and he screamed for mercy. This was his fault. He’d handed Shane the gun and he didn’t try hard enough to save him. He was sure in that moment if he’d got access to the second bullet he’d have turned it on himself. But instead he went on to do everything he could to find an email address or social media page to contact Mark, to repeat everything Shane had said in a hope he’d read it and know exactly how much Shane loved him.  
**

Nicky sat with his feet stretched out on the recliner with a vodka Coke in his hand, frowning at Mark who stood over the fireplace. It was cold in his lounge so he struck up a log to offer some heat been as he couldn’t sit in the window today to catch some rays, not that there was any. 

The brunette took a sip of his neat whisky and sighed. “Suppose we’ve both been drawn to each other then.” Mark huffed, eventually joining Nicky on the sofa. “Do you believe in the afterlife?”

“I do now! Maybe it’s something to do with the force doing this to the world but it makes sense I guess. I mean, I knew Shane had a boyfriend but I’d not paid much attention to you really. I listened to his music but I wasn’t a big crazy fan or anything. Just remember him before he was famous… I came onto him once but he was already with you so he politely declined my offer to buy him a drink.”

Mark smirked at the pretty blonde. He was cute and looked exactly like the portraits. His baby blue eyes were breath taking and the fire’s glow complimented his blonde hair, scruffed down his forehead, shining as the flames flickered. “He’s not into blondes but thanks for being honest. Maybe he remembers you, that’s why he chose you.”

“Maybe he remembers me rambling one night about never being able to find someone. I’ve been single 4 years again and before that I was only casually seeing someone for like 18 months. Before that I’d been single 6 years… I remember telling him what a train wreck I was about, maybe 2 years ago. I saw him in O’Connell’s. I think you were both there for a birthday party but you were running late so we got chatting.”  
“So were you friends?”

“Not really. Just pub acquaintances. We spoke if we saw each other at the bar but that’s about it. I’ve not seen him recently. Not to speak to anyway.”

“Oh right. You’re not just a random then. That’s something.” Mark smiled. “He’s helping us both out… doesn’t want me to be alone and knows you’re a desperate disaster, craving some comfort.” He teased, feeling instantly comfortable and relaxed with the stranger already. 

“Ha-ha, cheers. Something like that.” Nicky’s happy face didn’t last long though as he turned to look Mark in the eye and saw the agonising pain oozing from his aura. “I’m so sorry you had to find out like this. I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling right now.”

“Nothing I can do about it is there? We just have to trust he’s watching over us now and do as he’s asked so I get to be with him again. Although the day can’t come sooner for my liking. I’m going to clip his earhole for taking his own life. The thought of it stabs my heart.”

Nicky reached his hand over and rested it on Mark’s knee. “Try not to think about it. I know it’s difficult but… don’t torture yourself with the dreaded details. Do you really want to know how he did it?”

“I get the impression everyone over there knew exactly what he did and they were too afraid to admit it… I just hope whatever happened… it was quick.” A tear formed in the corner of Mark’s eye as he tightened his lips, trying to hold back a breakdown. “It just hurts more to know he’s definitely gone. Like, there was hope that someone survived in a bunker or something and he was one of them, sipping tea with Donald Trump or whatever, just waiting for the Mist-ery to make its way out of there so they could come out of hiding and find a way of surviving. A way of contacting the rest of the world to give hope that people could survive.”

“Anything’s possible I guess. They’d have to go the opposite way and flee to Oz or Japan though and we’d know about it by now surely.”

“Not necessarily. Depends how they travel there and what amenities they have left to leave with. It’s just not feasible to chase against the mist. It seems to know what it’s doing.”

“Well if anyone in America did survive I fucking hope to god it’s not that dickhead… but the bunker theory could be a thing. They’d have had to go down there pretty quickly and not open the door for a long time. How would they know it was safe to leave again?”

“Worked for Brendon Fraser in Blast From The Past. He was born down there remember. Maybe in 30 years the world will repopulate and work out why this happened in the first place.”

“Do you have a basement?” Nicky asked with genuine hope. 

“No. Do you?” Nicky shook his head. “I bet Asia is already working on it. They’ve got a few months to go before it affects them. Lucky bastards… Kim Jong-un takes over the planet just as he wanted. That cunt will survive for sure.”

Nicky chuckled again, admiring Mark’s ability to crack a joke. “I’d rather die now thanks. If Trump and Kim are all we’re left with, I’d rather go now.”

Mark took a gulp of his spirit and hissed as the alcohol burned his windpipe. “Yack!” he shook off the nasty after taste, sticking his tongue out to avoid his palette touching the inside of his mouth before necking some rum in its place. “Well, you have me now so you can die with a miserable twat instead of living on with a total psychopath ruling the world.”

“Don’t be like that. I might be a lonely, pathetic, unlovable freak but I’ve got a sense of humour and will try my best to make you smile.”

“I’m sure you’re not unlovable Nicky. You’re a good looking lad… sorry you never found anyone.” Mark rested his hand on top of Nicky’s that remained on his own knee. “Not saying I can help out with the relationship side of it but I’m willing to share my time as friends.”

“If it gets you to Shane right?”

Mark felt bad. He didn’t mean to make Nicky feel used but that’s the only reason he was there. Because Shane forced them together. It was his plan and they had to obey it. “Sorry, I’m such a cock.”

“Hey it’s fine, I’m just going to die a sad, unloved soul in the arms of a stranger just so he can be with the most amazing man in the afterlife.” Nicky’s bitter tone wasn’t intentional but Mark took offense and snatched his hand away. “What?! It’s true.”

“Don’t be all fucking woe me, that’s not fair. I didn’t ask for you to come here. I didn’t ask for Shane to kill himself… I don’t want to do this alone either but if the thought of choking on your acid vomit in the corner of a dark room is more appealing to you then just go. I don’t need you holding my hand. I’ll find a way to Shane when I get there. He owes me now, he’s not getting away with committing suicide. He can’t punish me for going against his wishes.”

“Mark, I’m sorry man.”

“No I’m serious!” he stood to his feet again and threw the contents of his glass in Nicky’s face causing him to spit in surprise. “Just go! I don’t need you.” He shouted, pointing to the door. “Feel free to go back home to your pit, feel sorry for yourself that you don’t have to feel this constant itching inside your veins because you’ve not lost the most incredible and important person in your life. I’m sorry that you’ve never felt real love Nicky but trust me right now when I say I don’t wish this pain upon anyone. You have no idea how I feel. I’m sorry but you don’t come close to being second best.”

“Alright arsehole, calm down.” Nicky wiped the coconut spirit from his face and swung his legs down to close the recliner. He jumped to his feet and argued back in Mark’s face. “I don’t need to do this for you, you know. Maybe I will go… clearly you’re much more cut up than I imagined possible because I’m such a pathetic, naive little boy, I don’t know what it’s like to lose anyone I’ve loved. I get it… what use to you am I? I’m nothing to no one. I’m just a sad little freak with no one to love, I’m just hired help so you can sleep at night knowing your fiancé is waiting for you.” Nicky’s breath hitched in his mouth as he burned holes in Mark’s deep blue orbs. Emotion getting the better of him. “I’m pretty sure how Shane felt right before he killed himself is exactly how I felt the day we heard the world was falling down… fucking useless, empty, inadequate and stripped of any hope or sanity knowing that life would never be the same again. Trapped in a time warp of inevitable death, unaccompanied, tragic… I’m nothing to you but a meal ticket out of this shit reality. As long as you’re happy with faith you’ll be in someone’s arms again it doesn’t matter what it means to me right?”

“Jesus, Nicky, I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not. You’re broken and selfish. I can do this on my own. I’ve been alone long enough to just lock myself in a room and wilt away without burdening anyone else in the process. I mean, fuck, I could speed up the unavoidable and just go lay in the park with the hobos and choke on the fumes 24/7. They won’t last to the end of the week. They certainly have nothing and no one worth fighting for.”

“For fuck sake, calm down, I said I’m sorry OK?” Mark pushed Nicky back down on to the sofa before stamping over to the windowsill to spark up a cigarette. He didn’t dare open it anymore, trying to keep the mist away from contaminating his home but it was force of habit to sit there and the ash tray was over there too. Plus he enjoyed people watching. 

It was only 2pm and it looked like the dead of night. A storm was brewing in the distance as the wind picked up, hurling dead leaves into a cyclone, making its way through the deserted streets, taking any dust and rubbish up with it. Nicky avoided looking at Mark as he sat and blew smoke at the wall. It spread on impact and floated back into his face but he didn’t care. The smell of smoke was much more bearable than that horrid fishy air outside. All the North Atlantic sea life was floating on the surface, rotting in the motion of the ocean and it had been reported that day that dolphins and sharks had been spotted washed up on Achill Island. The scenes were heart breaking and eerie as locals flocked to see for themselves. The evidence of the mist having killed everything in its path, the black horizon, slowly making its way towards them, fork lightening brightening scattered patches of the not too far waves. Had it not been for the overwhelming stench of fishy death, the guts of human life would have been rife as fear washed over their faces and their underwear turned brown. It was real and they were next, everyone literally shitting themselves.

The fire was warming up the room now but Nicky was still feeling the chill. He necked his drink and left the room to find the bathroom. Mark glanced over to see the blonde make a move and half expected to hear the front door slam behind him but he had no intension of moving to chase him, if it did. He picked up his sketch pad and flipped through the pages. Drawings of Shane and Nicky filled the pages. He clenched his jaw and held back tears as he bit his bottom lip. They were both beautiful boys but his heart belonged to Shane. He just felt guilty for talking down to Nicky when he seemed sweet and desperate to seek some kind of self-worth before his life was over. How come such a cutie hadn’t found true love? What was so wrong with him that no one would want to kiss his sexy pout? Mark had noticed the blonde’s little smirk already, the cute little lip curl that created a crease between his mouth and nose, allowing just a slither of his white fangs to show underneath. Nicky’s entire head was shaped so differently to Shane’s, they had nothing in common. Their eyes were a different colour, the shape of their jaws were opposites, the colour of their hair and stubble… whilst they both had smaller noses than Mark, Nicky’s was cute as a button though crooked when he gave one of his cheeky smiles. Shane’s smile was perfect, as if he’d been born with a brace in his mouth to ensure his teeth grew straight whereas Nicky’s pointed jawline and chin gave him a smaller bite, his fangs noticeable like a baby lion cub. His teeth weren’t something Mark had thought about when drawing him but the inspiration came to him so he picked up his pencil and began to draw Simba with Nicky’s features, the blue eyes, the floppy fringe and cheeky lip curl, showing that milk tooth fang. It made him smile as he ignored the fact Nicky hadn’t been seen or heard for 20 minutes while he doodled his latest offering. It kept his mind off their argument though and in that time, he’d calmed down, getting ready to apologise. 

It was spitting now. Totally dark outside as the dust settled on the outer sill, dirty streaks of droplet races down the pane. Nicky re-entered the lounge cautiously having locked himself in the bathroom for nearly half an hour, just crying and fighting with his reflection as he continued to hallucinate through his hangover. He wasn’t an alcoholic as such but he’d never been quite that mentally stable. His parents had worried he’d been autistic or bipolar as a kid but doctors shunned off the possibility and suggested they just gave the boy some good old fashioned discipline; a spank to his bottom with a tele remote by his dad or slap to the back of his head by his mam. It didn’t seem to make much of a difference, good or bad because as soon as Nicky was old enough to move out, he did and fled to Sligo from Dublin to work as a trainee P.E teacher. Once the rowdy kids at the school broke him a few years in though his mental state veered again and he found himself talking to himself a lot. He was usually in control of it when around other people but they gossiped and he blamed it for not being able to find anyone to settle with, paranoid everyone was talking about him behind his back. He wasn’t a bad person, nor was he unlovable like he suggested. He was a big ball of fluffy kitten energy just desperate to be loved and played with. Too eager sometimes. He’d put potential suiters off quickly by being too full on and enthusiastic and once he became wise to it, he struggled to maintain his bounce and turned to the pub for company. He had great conversations about bullshit current affairs and politics with Keith’s locals and the landlord had often taken pity on the harmless blonde when he’d a few too many and fell asleep on a stool, carrying him upstairs to his own living quarters for him to sleep off copious amounts of Guinness.

“Hey.” He croaked. “Raining?”

“Yeah.” Mark swung his legs down from the wall and bent down to pick up the rum, filling his glass. 

“Not in the face again please.”

Mark chuckled and winked back at the blonde. Raising his glass to take a sip. “Sorry. I was out of order. What have you been doing?”

“Sulking. You?” he looked over to the window and noticed the sketch book open so he wandered over to study his latest artwork. “A cartoon lion? I don’t get it.”

“Ha-ha just my random imagination.”

“Why has it got blue eyes and… am I lion now? Is this me again?” he held the page up to his face for Mark to compare.

“Wow, I’m good. It’s spot on.” He giggled. 

“I’ve been called some things in my time Mark but never a lion cub. What the fuck?”

“It’s the fangs. Sorry.” He sheepishly hid his grin and took another sip of his drink. “What animal would you say you are?”

“A dirty street rat probably. No one likes them do they?”

“Fuck off Nicky, come on.”

“Fine, sorry.” He huffed, throwing himself down on the couch. “Can’t say I’ve ever thought about it. I’d like to think I’m a fox in bed but otherwise… a Labrador.” He pouted and nodded at himself. “Yeah I’m a golden lab. Strong, smart, can cope on my own but desperate for love, blonde, sometimes lazy, dependable, always happy to see a friendly face. What about you?”

“A wolf. Dark, intelligent, strong, a great defender of the ones I love, affectionate to my lovers and friends, gentle and playful… but threaten to hurt me and I’ll rip your fucking head off with my teeth.”

“Duly noted. I won’t cross you again Jacob Black.”

“Ha-ha yeah exactly. You want to be careful I don’t turn at midnight too.”

“If you want to go hunting out in this weather go for your life. I’m not going anywhere… um, as long as that’s OK? There was no suggestion that I didn’t go home at some point. What’s the deal exactly?”

“Well how about you get your feet off my coffee table for a start and stop wallowing in self-pity. I might let you get drunk and stay the night. See how we get on. If we’re doing this then we’ll have to settle somewhere together and here is a good enough place than any. Unless your house is mega exciting.”

“Pfft, I haven’t been shopping for weeks. I didn’t bother stocking up on any provisions. You can have my ration vouchers if you want. I don’t have any worthy possessions at home worth comforting me. Ain’t gonna need them where I’m going.” Mark sat down next to Nicky and stared at him with a straight face. “What? Oh sorry, no self-pity, yeah I know. I won’t do it again.”

“No it’s fine… Nicky why are you so down on yourself? Why do you think you haven’t found anyone?”

Nicky raised his brow at Mark and a little puff of air escaped his lips. He didn’t know whether to tell the truth so everything made sense to the man he was going to lay down with or if he should lie and become someone he wished he was. He could be anyone now. He’d never find out the truth. “Honestly?”

“Yeah. Talk to me.”

“If you want to hear my pathetic story I’m going to need a lot more of this to get started.” He pointed at the spirits lined up on the table ready for the taking. He grasped the whiskey in his hand and took a swig from the bottle, confident Mark wouldn’t touch it after his spluttering before. “Truthfully, I’m not sure… I had a girlfriend at the age of 13 through to 16. I don’t really think I ever loved her though. She wasn’t my first love as such. Just a really close friend I got the odd blow job from. We never slept together… she decided I wasn’t her type anymore so I let her go and thought, fuck it, what are blokes like? I met a lad when I was 17 and we fooled around for a while but I was super jealous of anyone that went near him so he left me, said I was obsessive. But I knew I was gay by then so I spent some time just shagging around until I moved to Sligo. Eventually I met someone, we lived together for a while and one day he just upped and left.”

“Why!?”

“I don’t know… I don’t know what I did but he just disappeared. Maybe he was just a figment of my imagination all along. I wasn’t too heart broken though. Again I’m not sure if I even loved him. A guess a part of me did… he was really kind and patient but in hindsight I was probably just a stop gap for him. He didn’t have anywhere to live so I took him in and then once he’d got a job it wasn’t long before he fucked off. So he obviously didn’t love me. Then nothing else had happened really. Was single a while, met Shane, asked him out, got pushed back, shagged around again, started seeing someone casually for a while then nothing. I kinda gave up after that.”

“How do you know you haven’t been in love? Could you just have higher expectations and not have believed in your feelings?”

“Compared to what I’ve heard, I’ve never felt that sense of… warmth and security in my heart. Ya know that, tug inside you that makes you want to lay in their arms forever and never let go. Someone you trust with your life. Someone that makes you glad to be alive and makes you feel higher than high. Those sweet little touches and kisses that give you butterflies… I’ve never had that with anyone.”

“That’s really shit mate, I’m sorry. It’s definitely better to have loved and lost than to never love at all.” Mark was emotional for Nicky. He felt so much guilt for rubbing his love for Shane in his face but he couldn’t help being proud to have been Shane’s one and only. He’d been happier than he could imagine possible and he didn’t regret a second of it. Maybe it would have been easier to be alone sometimes, the pain wouldn’t hurt as bad but now he felt sad that Nicky would never experience the real heartbreak of an amazing relationship. He shuffled to sit facing him on the sofa and propped his head up with his hand on the back of the head rest. “Although it fucking hurts in the end, all the good times make it worth while. Whenever I’m down without Shane, I remember all the incredible things we got to do together and it makes me smile again.”

“I’m not jealous Mark and I don’t envy you of the emptiness you feel now but I wish I really understood what you meant. I wish I’d tried harder at finding someone… a best friend, a… I dunno. Just someone to cuddle and lay with. I see it in movies all the time and it makes me miserable.”

Mark’s arm reached over to Nicky’s head and he stroked the back of his hair. “You don’t seem like a bad guy to me. I think you’re really sweet and just unfortunate not to have found someone to love you. You’re certainly not shabby looking.”

“Ha-ha really?” Nicky grinned, looking up at Mark through the corner of his eye. The cutest, most innocent face Mark had ever seen. 

Mark caught the gaze and struggled to resist a smirk of his own. “Shane might not have been attracted to you but I think you’re cute.” He admitted, embarrassed by his confession. “You were so angelic in my first dream… I’d never seen anyone so beautiful.”

“No need to humour me. You’re not even drunk yet.”

“Don’t go all shy on me now.” Mark poked Nicky’s shoulder and laughed, taking his hand away again. “I’m not afraid to admit when someone’s hot. Shane was a fucker for it but I knew he’d never act on it.”

“He just doesn’t like the blondes.” He sniggered, finishing his glass again. They were going down a bit too quickly now and he hadn’t eaten any lunch yet. He needed to slow down. 

“Slow down you. We need to eat. What do you fancy? I’ll rustle us something up.”

“I could die for a steak.” He said, feeling hopeful. “Got any red meat on offer?” Mark burst into laughter and shook his head, making Nicky realise his innocent request sounded more of a filthy innuendo. “I didn’t mean that! I’m still hungover, I need a burger or a nice juicy steak that’s all.”

“I have quarter pounders. Do you want any fries with that?” he joked in a student like tone, insinuating he was behind a McDonalds drive thru counter. 

“Of course. What sort of a question is that? BBQ sauce.”

“Can’t stand the stuff but Shane loved it on everything so there’s a bottle in there all for you… I’ll go put the grill on. Find something to watch on TV if you want.” 

As Mark began to prepare lunch, Nicky flicked on the news and immediately regretted it. “Fuck… Mark!” he shouted over the news reporter. “Might wanna lock the door and throw away the key mate. I’m not going home now.”

Jumping back into the room, Mark caught the images on screen and took an inwards breath. “Shit.” He dropped the box of burgers on the floor but Nicky shot up to catch him from collapsing. “Oh god.”

“I know… it’s scary right?” Nicky’s eye welled up as his bottom lip quivered. He guided Mark to sit back down and practically sat on the younger boy’s knee with his arms firmly grasping Mark’s neck, unable to stare at the TV a second longer. 

“I um… I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t…” Nicky sniffed, trembling with fear. “This is it, isn’t it?”

Mark nodded, his eyes fixed on the video footage of the Black Mist-ery powering through the bays of Western Ireland, just a couple of miles south of Sligo. The stormy seas were crashing along the shores, electricity blowing out, leaving sea view buildings in darkness. The power cuts were bound to start soon. It was definitely here. He swallowed the lump in his throat and reached the remote to turn off the set. When he felt a tear fall from Nicky’s terrified body, onto his shoulder, he pulled back and held the blonde’s neck. 

“It’s gonna be OK. Nicky, trust me. The storm will pass and then it’ll just go dark. Sligo is going to be one of the first places to suffer so we’re going to be without power really soon. They might be able to fix it for a couple of days after the storms gone overhead but then it’s just a matter of time… but trust me… we’re going to be OK. I have plenty of supplies. We just won’t be having burgers for tea.”

There was a huge clatter of thunder rumbling above the house, followed by a frightening flash of lightening as the black rain hammered down on the roof and window pane. Nicky was shaking like a leaf, his grip getting tighter around Mark’s shoulders. 

“I’m so fucking scared Mark.”

“Hey, sshh, it’s OK. I’m here. We have each other now. It’s not over yet, we’re still strong right? Not too much exposure so far… we can fight this yeah?” Mark wiped away the tears dripping down Nicky’s dulling eyes with his thumb. “We’re gonna find something else to eat and drink every drop of that vodka tonight. We have tomorrow and the next day and the next day…you’re gonna know every inch of me, inside out before we even consider giving up. I’m gonna make you fall in love with me.”

“You can’t do that. It’s not worth it anyway and it wouldn’t be right.”

“Yeah it will. It’ll take my mind off Shane for a while and if it means you get to feel what I feel for him then it’ll be worth every second.”

“I’ll never feel that. You’ve been together 8 years. We don’t even have 8 weeks. I didn’t come here for that anyway.”

“Just shut up. I’m scared too alright… I’m fucking petrified.” Mark’s voice cracked as he tried to remain strong but it was too real now. It was looming over them and the end was nigh. He just wanted to protect the skinny blonde man on his lap. “We can do this. Together… but I need you to stop crying man because I can’t hold it together otherwise.”

Nicky grinned and licked away the snot and tears disappearing into the crack of his mouth. “Sorry… I’m such a pussy.” He tried to climb off but Mark’s hands were still holding his jaw. “Mark… I know you want to be the hero and make me fall in love with you but I don’t need that. I just need a best friend. That’s all I want.”

“Then I’ll be the bestest friend you’ve ever had. Come here.” He drew the blonde in for a hug and they sat holding onto each other for longer than usually comfortably acceptable. “You OK?”

Nicky sat back and nodded, sliding his body away from Mark’s. He sat with his head hanging between his open legs and sighed greatly. “Mark… I just want to say thanks for accepting me into your home today. I guess I made it just in time. I don’t think I’d have handled this the same way if I hadn’t been here.”

“Nothing quite prepared me for it either. It’s happened so quickly. I thought we had more time. But hey, let’s just ignore it for now… what do you want to eat instead?”

“Whatever… I don’t feel hungry anymore. Just sick.”

“Well you’re eating something even if I have to force feed you so sit back and relax. Maybe put some music on instead, drown out the rain a bit.”

“Thanks… I really mean it. You didn’t have to hold me like that.”

“Who said I did it for you?!” Mark smiled and went into the kitchen, leaving a growing grin on Nicky’s face. 

He wiped his cheeks dry on the cuff of his jumper and sat back in the seat, hugging himself as the sensation of Mark’s big, strong arms and chest cradling him, lingered. Maybe he was already falling for the hunk… he didn’t think it was possible but he’d never felt such a comforting hug like that before. It had made him feel safe exactly when he needed it. 

“Left over pizza and KFC? Won’t take a minute to reheat in the microwave.” He shouted from the kitchen. Nicky agreed. He didn’t care he just wanted to neck the whiskey and have done with it.  
***

The storm was relentless. The lights kept flickering for several hours but the electricity remained strong for now. The boys tried to predict how long it’d take for it to pass as the thunder slowly but surely declined in decibels. It still made them jump out their skin on occasion when they hadn’t noticed the warning flashes of lightening anymore but Mark had always quite enjoyed watching a good storm from his window if he was alone, or snuggled up to Shane under a blanket simply listening to the rain pattering outside. He didn’t let it bother him too much as they continued to drink with full bellies. The stodgy pizza had filled a gap and soaked up Nicky’s hangover nicely and he was surprisingly feeling a little brighter now. 

Sat on the couch together Nicky turned to Mark and asked a question burning a hole in his mind. “I hope you don’t think I’m being rude but how come you’re living in such a small, let’s face it, average house if Shane was so successful?”

“I’ve been waiting for you to ask that. We just decided after he hit the charts that we’d live together but not in the beautiful home I decorated for him when we met. I already lived here and it was easier to get around town on foot so 3 years in he sold his house and moved in here with me. We’ve been saving up ever since for a massive, luxurious place of our own but didn’t want to rush into buying anything cause he just got more and more successful and he was barely around to appreciate it. We talked about finally buying something after the America trip. We’d looked at a few places online just days before he left but ya know, doesn’t really matter now.”

“Right. Fair enough. I guess it would have been your martial home too.”

“We had our eye on an estate in Strandhill by the beach. Kinda glad we hadn’t moved in there already.” He smirked, raising his eyebrows at Nicky. “Do you live far away? I saw you outside earlier and it didn’t seem to take you long to return after the news.”

“Just 2 blocks away... Your place is much better though. Must have walked by everyday this past month. Drowning my sorrows with Keith.”

“Aye he’s a nice guy.” Mark looked down at Nicky’s hands, cupping his tumbler of more whiskey. “How are you feeling now by the way?” he reached down to stroke a finger over the back of the blonde's hand. “About everything now it’s here. Are you comfortable?”

Nicky frowned and stared down into his brown spirit. The sofa was comfortable but he doubted Mark meant that. “You mean after falling out as soon as I got here?”

“Nicky...”

“No it’s fine. I’m sorry I was being so selfish. Meeting you means a lot. It’s nice to finally put a real face to your name after all these years of Shane banging on about how amazing you are.” He grinned, keeping his head down. “He was lucky to have you by his side.”

“Now you have me by your side. Who’s the lucky one now?” Mark smirked, nudging Nicky’s leg with his foot. He was wearing his big pug slippers so barely felt to touch himself but it made the blonde smile. 

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Oi, there’ll be none of that now. Shane did good. I get to wake up next to the most beautiful guy in the world until... Well until we don’t wake up again.”

Nicky sniggered in embarrassment and peered over to the brunette. “Not a two bedroomed place then?”

“You can sleep on the sofa if you’d prefer but I thought the object of this was so be close to someone. I don’t have an issue sharing my bed. It’s not like we’re gonna be... Ya know.”

“No of course not. I’d never dream of trying it on with you. That’d be wrong, like you’re cheating on him.”

“Nicky... Relax. I’m not gonna lie, I’m gagging for it and you’re gorgeous but I’d never take advantage of you like that. It’s not about one last fuck. Plus, you said yourself, you just want a best friend and I don’t sleep with my friends.”

“You said you wanted to make me fall in love with you though... That could never happen if... What’s the point if I fell for you and couldn’t be with you completely? That’s not fair.”

“Suppose so... What do you want then? You really against knowing every inch of me?”

“Are you drunk? Why are you contradicting yourself?”  
“Huh, it doesn’t matter. I don’t know what I’m saying. I was just being polite before. You said you want to be friends.”

“Yeah because I thought that’s what was best. You’re with Shane, he’s waiting for you. I wouldn’t dream of coming between you guys.”

“Shane’s dead! No ideally I don’t want to fill the space between but all this afterlife shit isn’t exactly a given is it? It’s just dreams and coincidence... We don’t know what this thing is killing us and we don’t know that Shane had anything to do with bringing us together. We know nothing. Yes I probably would feel guilty but I’m angry with him right now. He knows how I feel about suicide.”

“So you’d fuck me to get back at him?”

“No, I... How do I know he’d find out? What if being with someone else is allowed? What if there is nothing else and we’re just taking the moral high ground to be safe? Of course I still love him and miss him every second but we have a matter of days to live now. What’s the point in rules and principles now?”

“They’re the things that give us a clear conscience.”

“But we’re not gonna live to regret it so who cares?”

Nicky sat staring at Mark for a moment. He was so confused now but his attraction to the stars boyfriend was growing by the second and the alcohol in his system was clouding his judgement. Of course he wanted to feel someone inside him again. He’d not had sex for such a long time he’d forgotten how good it felt. But this was Mark. Everyone knew him as the best thing in Shane’s life. It’d be weird. But fuck... He was so lovely and his lips were so inviting even when he was spouting shit. 

Sitting up under his feet again, Nicky twisted his waist to face the hunky wolf next to him. He tucked his drink into the crevice of his thighs and reached his hand out to link his fingers with Mark’s on the back of the couch. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should go against all I believe in and be selfish again. I’ve been alone for so long and now we don’t have long left why should I be polite and worry about Shane’s feelings when he knocked me back?”

“I know I said he didn’t like blondes but he’s not blind. I’m sure if he hadn’t been with me, he’d have been interested. I know I would have been.”

“I wish I’d said something the first time I met him but I didn’t and everything happens for a reason. I could never have made him as happy as you did. I’ve read so many things you did for him and in the end I was jealous. You’re amazing Mark... You’re so thoughtful, kind and... You’re everything I’ve been looking for.”

“Here I am sweetheart.” Mark squeezed Nicky’s hand and twitched his cheek with a little grin. “It might be short lived but for whatever reason, you’ve got me now. Maybe it’s god’s way of proving that you are worth it in the end.”

“Yeah right. He ran out of time to make me suffer so he’s just shoving me into it as a 'this will have to do, that’s all you get' kinda way. A spiteful taster of what I’ve been seeking all my life.”

“Be grateful babe. You could have ended up alone or with some dickhead. But you have me. I’m not trying to blow my own trumpet but knowing how happy Shane was gives me confidence that you’re with someone pretty awesome... And you do deserve it. You’re not a bad person. Everyone deserves to be loved.”

“You’ll never love me Mark.” Nicky’s chin fell again. His sad eyes avoiding contact.

“Sorry... But I want to make you feel special so will you at least let me try? I’m sick of being depressed and grieving every day. I don’t have time to waste my energy on negative emotions, it’s just not me. I’m a happy person, I love doing things for other people and making them smile. I want to make you smile in exchange for your company.” He reached out to lift the blonde’s head, his own a little fuzzy now from his 7th glass of neat rum. “Don’t frown angel. I think you’re beautiful. That counts for something right?”

Nicky felt butterflies in his belly for the first time in years. A real tingling sensation that showed in his sparkling orbs. He was drunk but he thought it was genuine and Mark being so sincere was turning him on greatly. He cleared his throat as he stared back at Mark’s glowing iris and opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. For a moment they were connected and nothing needed saying. Unsure whether to lean in or not, the blonde boy froze, moistening his lips just in case.

“Nicky...”

“I need the bathroom.” He eventually broke their gaze and shuffled off the sofa, shaking off the crazy thoughts in his head. Running away was the only thing he knew to do. He didn’t want to make things awkward by being knocked back again so he ran some cold water on his wrists and patted his wet hands over his neck and forehead to cool down. “Too fast. Not real.”  
Mark rubbed his face as he stumbled into the kitchen pantry to pull out some beers. He carried the crate into the lounge and replaced the spirits, stuffing the near empty bottles under the coffee table. He opened a bag of Maltesers and poured them into a glass bowl then spread out on the couch waiting on Nicky’s return. 

“Beer?”

“Thanks... Sit on the floor shall I?” he chuckled. 

“No. You’re gonna come lay here with me for a minute.”

“Oh am I? Why?

“Because I said so that’s why. Just do it. Come on, lay next to me.” Nicky reluctantly and nervously squeezed his slim body onto the edge of the sofa, his head resting on the arm below Mark’s hand, his bum sinking into the gap between the cushions. Mark’s warm belly touched his hips and as soon as he was settled the hairy strong arm came down to rest on the blonde’s stomach, taking hold of his hand. “Comfortable?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

“This is how close I want to be to you every day. Sharing body heat, keeping you safe. Sex or no sex, I want you to feel relaxed enough to snuggle up to me when you feel scared.”

“I’m scared right now.”

“Me too.” He whispered softly into his ear, smelling the strawberry shampoo in Nicky’s blonde streaks. “Wolves get scared too ya know.” Feeling a lump grow in his throat, Nicky bit the inside of his cheek and held his breath for almost a minute before puffing out a long drawn sigh as his chest jumped. A single tear streamed down the side of his face to his earlobe as he began to cry. “Nicky, don’t...”

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled as more tears drenched the chair arm either side of his head.

Mark pulled him in close until they were one big cuddly figure on the sofa. He held the back of the older boys head and kissed his crown as he rubbed his bony spine, crushing him against his warm, soft stomach and chest. “Sshh, it’s OK.”

“Thank you.” He sobbed, soaking Mark’s top with his soppy eyes. “You can cuddle me anytime. You’re like a human teddy bear.”

“Ha-ha. I love a good snuggle. Promise you won’t hesitate to claim one whenever you want?”

Nicky pulled back slightly to look up at Mark. “How could I resist? It feels amazing. You’re amazing.”

Mark was so tempted to kiss him but knew it wasn’t the right time. He broke a smile and rested the blondie back down to his chest and placed a light peck on his head again instead. “Anytime angel.”  
***

Shane sat on the windowsill watching the boys sleep on the sofa. Instead of the sharp pain of jealousy he should have felt, he was overcome with contentment. He smiled at his man comfortably snoozing off the alcohol during his accidental afternoon nap and marvelled at the sleeping beauty in his arms. It was exactly what he’d wanted for his perfect lover. To be safe and calm in his last days, sharing his amazing personality and warmth with someone that truly deserved it. He smiled at the couple as Mark began to stir but remained still in a hope he’d be noticed.

An hour and a half into their kip, Mark sensed someone in the room and slowly though fearfully opened his eyes. He took a short inward gasp and blinked a couple of times to focus but there he was. “Shane?”

“Hey gorgeous. Don’t move, don’t wake him... He’s so beautiful isn’t he?” Shane whispered. 

“What... I’m awake right, I know I’m awake... You... I’m hallucinating.”

Shane shook his head. “Not quite but... I just had to see you.”

“What’s going on? You’re not real. Am I going crazy?”

“I’m sorry for what I did. I couldn’t handle being without you... But you need to be with Nicky now. Just for now. However you want to be, I won’t watch.”

“Shane what the fuck? Are you a ghost or... I don’t understand.”

“Maybe I am... But you’re awake right?” Mark nodded though every other limb of his body was frozen solid to Nicky who remained asleep, not making a sound. “I love you Marky. I wish we’d made it to the engagement... We can pretend when you get here.”

“But you’re here now, we can be together now.” Mark’s eyes watered as he kept them fixed on Shane’s almost solid figure, scared he’d fade away any second. 

“I can’t stay. I just wanted you to know I’m happy you’re keeping Nicky safe. He deserves the world Mark and you’re going to give it to him. For me. Do it for me. Project all your love for me into him and protect him. Show him who you are and be happy. You don’t have long left and then I’ll be waiting for you. It’ll be you and me.”

“I love you so much.” He cried, confused as to how this was happening. “I don’t get it. Why do I have to do this? I love you, I just want you."

“I know baby. What I did was wrong and it hurts. I’m being punished and I have to make someone else’s life feel complete before I can fully pass over. Nicky is the sweetest guy Mark, he needs this. This is my way of making up for what I did and it means you’re not alone either. I’m happy with it. I want you to make love to him and feel his heart fall for you the way I did. I won’t judge you for it. Don’t feel guilty alright, I’m not going to be here watching it happen. Just promise you’ll give it all you have. I need you to cherish him so I can meet you there. Do it for us, for him... I love you baby.”

“Shane, don’t go. We can work this out, we... Shane...”

“Promise me Mark. Promise you’ll do this.”

“I promise. Love you.” 

Shane vanished the second Nicky stirred. He felt Mark’s chest shudder so pulled away and saw the tears streaming down his cheek. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing I... I’m OK... I um...” he cleared his throat and sniffed, shuffling himself to sit up, resting Nicky’s head in his lap. “Everything feels different now. Clearer maybe or... I don’t know what just happened or if it was real but...”

Lifting himself up, Nicky sat on Mark’s lap and held his cheek, wiping away the tears the brunette had cried at the gorgeous “sight” of Shane. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Perhaps I did... Nothing makes much sense except that you and me... I don’t have to feel guilty anymore. You and I, we’re... It’s gonna be something special Nicky.”

“Are you still drunk?” he smirked, stroking his fingers through the confused boy’s hair. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah I’m... I’m gonna make you love me Nick and I’m gonna have so much fun in the process.”

“If you’re confident then go ahead and try. I won’t stop you after that epic nap. Can’t remember the last time I slept that well.”

“Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are when you sleep?”

Blushing, Nicky giggled. “Shut up. I’m beautiful when I’m awake aren’t I?” he pulled a silly face which caused Mark to laugh. “What’s the craic wolf man?”

“Nothing. Honestly I just want you to know I’m happy you’re here.”

“I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me.” Nicky stared at him, confusingly, still unsure where his waking mood had come from. God he wanted to kiss him so badly. “Do you fancy a coffee?”

“If the kettle still works.” As Nicky climbed off him he reached to grab the blonde’s hand, pulling him back down. “Wait... Just...” he wrapped his arms around the older boy’s neck and hugged him. “You and me.”

“And some coffee!” he whispered in Mark’s ear. He kissed his cheek and broke away to check the electricity worked as Mark sighed and smiled at the space by the window, suddenly glittery in the dim light of the street lamp. 

The council had turned them on moments ago to offer some form of light to get around for those not yet locked up indoors. It was like a cloud of sparkly dust raining down from the ceiling, as if Shane’s spirit had exploded into a firework of twinkling fibres. His visit had made all the difference. He’d put Mark’s mind as ease and after being begged to give Nicky the affection he needed, he felt it was more of a task now than a cheating desire. Shane needed him to show Nicky love and he was determined not to let his man down.  
Nicky looked in and out of the cupboards, searching for something to nibble on. Their rest had made him hungry again and the electricity seemed fine now the storm had passed, still spitting but calmer and not as windy. As the kettle boiled he filled the biggest mugs he could find and used the milk powder to make them creamy. 

“Sugar?” He shouted.

“Not for me thanks.” Mark whispered in his ear, creeping up on him. It made Nicky jump so he chuckled and nuzzled his nose into the crook of his neck, holding his big hands on the blonde’s tiny waist. “You’re sweet enough for me.”

Feeling Mark’s body pressed up against his back was breath-taking. He closed his eyes and relaxed into the curve of his belly. “Mark...”

“Sshh... What do you fancy for tea?”

“You mean nibbling my neck isn’t tasty enough?”

“You smell good enough to eat.” He kissed Nicky’s neck and pushed his groin into the small of his back. “God you taste good too.”

“Fuck sake.” Nicky huffed, feeling himself getting turned on. “Don’t do this.”

Stepping away in respect Mark cleared his throat and wiped his mouth. “Sorry. I’m always horny when I’ve had a drink. Waking up next to you didn’t help.”

“Mate, you didn’t even know who I was this morning and now you wanna rip my clothes off?! What’s gotten into you?”

“I know what I want in me.” Mark smirked, winking at Nicky as he jumped up to sit on the worktop. “What’s the point in pretending I don’t fancy you? There’s no time to skirt around this.”

“A few hours ago you were crying over Shane, how you could never betray him and me being here was all for him. Now you want to kiss me and push your groin in my ass? What’s going on?”

“Why can’t you just accept this for what it is?”

Nicky laughed and held his hands behind his head. “What is this?! One minute you’re calling me a selfish prick then you think making me fall in love with you is the answer to everything. I don’t get it Mark. Everything is so fucked up, I’m confused.”

“I saw Shane! Before you woke up, I saw him clear as day and he was talking to me.”

“What?! You were hallucinating?”

“I don’t know but... Trust me OK?” he reached out to grab Nicky and pulled him between his legs, holding onto his neck.

The blonde gave him a confused glare but rested his hands on his thighs and sighed. “I thought I heard voices. Thought I was dreaming.”

“You could hear him too?”

“I don’t know, maybe... Only for a second. He made you promise something and you agreed. Told him you love him... How could we both have heard it?”

“Exactly. That means whatever is was, it wasn’t just a figment of my imagination. You heard him too? I can’t believe it.”

“This is freaking me out. If we both heard his voice and you saw him then... There has to be something on the other side of this... Nothing can happen between us.”

“No you don’t get it Nicky. Us... This is meant to be our ending. He’s being punished for the way he went and... I can’t explain but please trust me. Forget about Shane now. He’s not coming back.” Mark tussled his fingers around the blonde locks above Nicky’s little ears as he studied the sparkle in his sky blue orbs. “I’m here for you now. I’m not gonna let you down.”

“This makes no sense.”

“I know but... I don’t feel guilty anymore. I just want to be with you and share what time we have left being there for you, looking after you and showing you that... You don’t have to live another day thinking no one cares. Because I care.”

“No one gets over their ex that quick. Especially not one they were about to get engaged to.”

“Nicky please, shut up. We don’t have time to question this. Nothing makes much sense anymore except for the attraction I have towards you. You’re so fucking sexy it’s driving me wild.”

“You’re still drunk.”

“God you’re an irritating little bastard aren’t you?” Mark chuckled leaning his head against Nicky’s. “Forget about Shane. Forget about your morals... Forget about every guy that’s ever made you feel like shit and accept that I want to show you just how wonderful you really are. Times running out and I will not let you go until you feel on top of the world.”

“Why me?!” he whispered, clamping his hand down on Mark’s sturdy thick legs. “You think I don’t want to?”

“I’m not stopping you.” Mark rubbed his nose along the tip of Nicky’s, breathing on his skin, grazing his lips on the boy’s cheek. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t.” Nicky forcefully ripped Mark’s hands off him and stepped away, taking his coffee with him to the lounge. 

Mark sighed and dropped his head. It was a quick turn around, he agreed on that but he had to win the boy over as fast as possible. A part of him knew he was just using him to help Shane but another part did want him, was attracted to him and his selfishness made him feel he should be allowed to feel comfort after the way Shane gave up so easy. Maybe he was being too pushy. He’d back off for a while and see where the next moment took them.  
***

It was dark and eerie outside. Not a single car engine was heard and the rustle of leaves on the wilting trees was minimal as a scary sudden stillness brought the town to a stand still. The Black Mist-ery was shading every nook and cranny, the odour was creeping in through any gap and air vent it could find and the frosty chill was a vast decline in temperature. 

Hoping to avoid any more awkward come ons and brush offs, Mark lit some citrus scented candles around the bath and filled it with hot water while the slot was open. Not that he needed a bath but the relaxing warmth was appealing. He needed more time to clear his head but once sipping the glass of red wine as his body submerged under the bubbles, his eyes begin to fill. 'Seeing' Shane had knocked him for six. He knew he’d not dreamt it and since Nicky claimed he’d heard his voice too it played on his mind. How was it even possible? There had to be an alternate universe merging with his own, the mist had to be controlled by something somewhere and knew he’d never get any real answers but he thought about every possible scenario for the future. 

If anyone did survive in a bunker, would it be possible to breathe in the future? Would the planet be capable of reproducing its former glory or would the world always have to end? That whatever it was sweeping the globe wouldn’t give up until it’s claimed every human and animal life form? The chance of an advanced race of human surviving without a food chain wasn’t even capable was it? By the looks of America not even the smallest of organism survived. 

The vision of Wall-E type robots entered Mark’s mind; he imagined the world being explored by higher intelligence, scaling the earth for any signs of life they’d failed to exterminate. He didn’t feel fighting hard to live to find out what was next was worth the trauma. He’d accepted this was the end and the only way he could be back in Shane’s arms forever was to pass over. He was confident there was an afterlife somewhere now and knew the only thing he wanted was to make Shane happy, help him to redeem himself for suicide and prove he could make Nicky fall in love with him.

“... So blue, we know. There'll be cold dark dark nights but whatever you do, ooh. Hold on, I'll come through. So when you feel like giving up 'Cuz I'm away too much, thinking we're losing touch, I'll be coming back to you. I'll tell you every time, there's no need to cry. Just remember I'm always coming back to you.” Mark sniffed, wiping his wet hands over his soggy cheeks. 

He loved to sing Shane’s songs but they all felt different now. He wanted to feel Nicky in his arms and they’d only just met. He hated that he couldn’t control his attraction so kept reminding himself he was 'allowed' to pursue it but the blonde didn’t seem to want to play ball.

“Shane you have to talk to Nicky. Give him permission or something. I have to free you and I don’t think I can force this on my own. I need you to help me.” He muttered, holding his knees up to his chest as he stared at the wall tiles. 

“You’ve got this.”

He heard a whisper in his ear and felt a cold shiver down his spine. He knew it wasn’t Nicky... he knew it was Shane. He smiled a shy grin and reached down to his grasp his tackle for a stroke.  
“Stay with me, let me play for you.”

But there was no figure to see or watch. Shane wasn’t coming back in full form. Mark wasn’t even sure if he’d hear his voice again unless he was desperate and needed guidance so he excused himself from the spirit and purely imagined his lover in the bath with him, tossing him off into the bubbles covering his chest. If Nicky wasn’t ready to play yet, he’d sort himself out instead. Why deprive himself of a good wank when he didn’t know how many more he’d get?!  
***

Warm and calm in his fluffy Wookie onesie, Mark shuffled into the lounge to the mouth watering scent of food. He’d not smelt anything this good for weeks. As he made his way to the kitchen he noticed the dining table laid for two. Glasses of wine full to the brim, a dish with assorted sauces carefully blobbed inside so not to touch, plates and cutlery on placemats... 

“Nicky?”

“Hey, take a seat. It’ll be ready in a jiffy.” Nicky softly greeted him with a smile as he shooed the cuddly figure away. 

“What are...”

“Sit! Bloody Star Wars.” He chuckled under his breath. Moments later he presented his date with a towering burger and shovel of fries, sliding onto the plate beside the juicy beef bap. “Ta-da. Get your dirty chops around that bad boy.”

“Nicky... This is... Wow, cheers.”

“Well we shit out earlier cause of the storm so while you took another soak I thought I’d make myself useful and it gave me time to think.” Nicky slipped into his seat after popping the baking tray into the kitchen sink to cool. He reached his hand over the table and cupped Mark’s. “I’m sorry for being a jerk.”

“You weren’t. I was being pushy, sorry. This smells great, let’s tuck in.” Mark took his hand away and cautiously sipped his wine being careful not to spill a drop as he lifted it to his lips. 

“Mark...” he didn’t even look up, Nicky’s blue eyes saddened. “Huh... I know this is really weird and we have to skip a few chapters but I do like you.”

“Nick seriously it doesn’t even matter. Mmm the chips are perfect.” He shoved a few fries in his mouth and washed them down with more wine, still avoiding eye contact with the chef. 

“Shane was really incredible.”

“You’re telling me?!” Mark sniggered, not pretending to hide his rudeness. “Broke your heart 8 years ago did he?”

“What?! Don’t be like that. I’m sorry for giving you the brush off but...”

Mark grinned before taking a bite of his burger. “Mmm this is amazing, thanks.” He said, again not looking up. It was driving Nicky crazy. He thought the brunette would have calmed down by now but it seemed he was more irate than before. Someone had rattled his cage and Nicky hoped it wasn’t him that had done it. “Where’d you learn to make something so simple, so...”

“Mark!” Nicky snapped, slamming his fork on the table.  
“You can cook every day if you want.”

“Be your little housewife you mean?!” Nicky bitched back. If Mark wanted another fight he could have it. 

“Gotta earn your keep.” He grinned but didn’t look at Nicky to confirm he was teasing. 

“Oh so I’m not just here for you to maul then? I’m just some weirdo off the street seeking shelter in my last days?”

“I didn’t ask for this.”

“The food or me?!” Nicky sat back, folding his arms with a stern face. “What’s wrong with you?! If you want me to go just say so. Why should I care if you get to be back in Shane’s arms again? If I go then you’re both fucked but if I stay, I still end up with nothing so it makes no fucking difference to me man.”

“Sorry.” Mark snorted a puff of air from his nose and closed his eyes in shame. “The food is lush, I appreciate the effort you’ve gone to, really.” He finally lifted his head and looked at Nicky. 

Nicky’s face was a picture of disappointment and disgust. He was hurt and confused by Mark’s constant mood swings and couldn’t be bothered to work out what had pissed him off this time. “Talk to me.”

“Nicky, I’m sorry alright, can we just eat, it’s getting cold and we can’t afford to waste it. Not when it tastes this good.” He raised his glass to avoid being confronted and offered to clink Nicky’s. “Thank you.”

Keeping his eyes on the younger boy, Nicky took a swig of the grapey beverage and hissed at the strength of warm liquid hitting his gut. It wasn’t warm, it really was cold but the alcohol volume was sharp and it heated his belly next to the chips already digesting. “You’re welcome... Don’t expect it every night.”

Mark chuckled and shook his head. “I promise I won’t. I like cooking anyway. All you have to do is sit and look pretty.”

“Do you know how tiring it is to be this beautiful?” Nicky smirked, filling his face with his burger. 

“Do you know how fucking exhausting it is to resist someone as beautiful as you?” Nicky blushed, giving that irresistibly cute smile from the corner of his mouth. “Ugh, god Nicky, don’t, you’re making it worse.”

“You haven’t exactly done a very good job of trying to resist me so far have you?!” 

“No because you’re so fucking adorably sexy. I’m sorry I’m all over the place, bitching, teasing, moody, horny... I can’t control my emotions right now. Today’s been crazy. Feels like it’s lasted a week already.”

“I know... But I feel I know you quite well already. I’m just not ready to know all of you yet.”

“I thought you liked to sleep around?!”

“Never said I liked it but a man has needs dude. This isn’t just a one night stand.”

“You’re not trapped here... Well not really... But I know what you mean. Under the circumstances, we have to do this properly. I respect that. I promise I won’t come onto you again.”

“I never said I didn’t like the chase.” He winked. “I love it when you’re teasing me and I don’t give in. It’s a part of the growing anticipation.”

“So you want me to throw you against the wall, rub my cock on your leg, kiss your neck... So you can push me away?”

“I bet you can’t keep your hands off me tonight. I’m going to flirt with you so much, you’re gagging for it.”

“Shouldn’t be difficult. Especially when I’m drunk, I’m horny as fuck... OK so I bet you I can hold my own when I’m wankered later. I bet you I don’t make the first move.”

“Pfft, whatever. There is no way you’ll last an hour once I start. I’m a god, the best prick tease you’ll ever meet.” Nicky raised his eyebrows and chuckled, sticking the last of his bread bun in his mouth. 

“Shane was a tease when he wanted to be. Drove me crazy. To be fair though you’re ass is so much cuter than his. He barely had an arse.”

“Ha-ha I did notice. Well, that’s one up on Mr Perfect then.” He smiled proud of his first tick. “Anything else I can claim?”

“Yeah, you’re far more irritating and cheeky.”

“That’s not an answer! You’re more of a miserable bastard than him but it’s not something to be proud of.”

“You cheeky... See. Fucking disgusting. I welcome you into my house and all I get is lip.” Mark laughed, flicking a scrap chip at the blonde’s face. 

“This lip?” Nicky licked his bottom lip and pouted. Mark shook his head and sighed so he bit it as he narrowed his eyes. “Mmm my mouth is good for so many things.”

“Here we go!” Mark rolled his eyes, the flirting had already begun and he knew he would break his end of the bet in no time. “Do you want me to lose?”

“Of course. I want you to crack but it doesn’t mean you get me.”

“You’re a dickhead.” Mark laughed, getting up from his seat to clear the plates. “I’ll wash up.”

“So you can’t see my face?”

“Exactly.” Mark took to the sink and turned the tap to fill the bowl enough to wash the dishes. But he wasn’t counting on Nicky re-enacting his earlier move. He felt the blonde’s fingers spread on his fluffy waist, his groin pushed into his butt cheeks as his breath tickled his ear. “Fuck sake. That’s not fair.”

“No?” Nicky grazed his lips on Mark’s shoulder as he tip toed to reach his neck. He wasn’t much taller than the blonde but from behind it was more difficult to reach the spot he was after. “Who said it was going to be fair? I didn’t reciprocate your touch earlier.”

“Are you hard already?!” Mark stood still, feeling a prod on his arse crack. “You so want me Nicky.”

“Alcohol always makes me hard... Most things do actually. It can be embarrassing sometimes.” He admitted, pushing his weight deeper into Mark’s broad back. “Get your hands wet then.”

“Piss off.” He elbowed Nicky in the belly to break him away. “Clear the rest of the table please.”

“You’re bossy aren’t you? I bet you’re a topper.”

“Rate you’re going, you’ll never find out.”

“Ooh, is someone frustrated already?” Nicky wound him up even more, poking Mark’s sides as he bounced on the spot like Tigger. 

“Nicky for fuck sake, you’re such an irritating little shit. Just let me...”

Nicky laughed at jabbed him once more before hopping away. “Wow you’re so easy to wind up.”

“Carry on and see what happens.” Mark jokingly threatened him, grabbing hold of a damp tea towel to twist and whip the blonde’s legs with. 

“Ow, meanie.” He snatched it from Mark’s hand and swung it around the brunette's neck, holding both ends to draw him in. “Bollocks to the pots. This is way more fun.”

“You’re not going to give up for a second are you?” he stared into Nicky’s eyes as the blonde shuffled back against the unit, pulling Mark with him. “Umph, steady!”

“I don’t feel you trying to pull away.”

“I’m not coming onto you so it doesn’t matter.” He reached out of hold his hands on the edge of the work surface either side of Nicky’s skinny waist, pinning him to the cupboards. “I do have some self-control you know.”

“Yeah?” Nicky breathed in, taking a full inhale of Mark’s scent. The sweetness of his bath was still lingering on his skin, enough of his neck exposed to radiate from his pulse points. “You smell gorgeous.”

“You don’t. Skeff head.” He giggled before lifting Nicky to sit on the unit like he had himself earlier. “You can let me go now. That towels wet.”

“Or...” Nicky wrapped his legs around Mark’s waist, squeezing him right between his thighs. “I could just let you off and fuck you instead.”

“Nice try.” He wriggled his head out and threw the towel on the floor but Nicky’s strong legs kept him close. The older boy grabbed his neck and held his head close. 

“Nicky...”

“Oh I’m sorry am I violating your personal space? Don’t want me breathing on your face?” he mocked.

“This is not flirting. This is...”

“Hot right?” Nicky teased his lips on Mark’s cheek before licking the tip of his corker of a nose. “Kiss me.”

“No. I’m not giving in.”

“But I want you so badly.”

“No you don’t, you’re being a twat to make me crack.”

“But you want to, don’t you? Wanna feel my tongue in your mouth, your hands on my chest and...”

Mark dug his nails into Nicky’s thighs and mumbled. “You had your chance cowboy. Now weep.”

“I’m gonna fucking ride you like a cowboy.” The blonde tilted his head and went in for the kill, locking his lips onto his neck and sucking. Mark dug his fingers in harder, making him whimper but he only sucked harder.

“Ow, knob, what the fuck?!” Mark thumped the boy’s leg to get him off and gave a playful dirty look. “You are so gonna pay for that.”

“Good. Punish me. I like it rough sometimes.” Nicky winked and licked his lips. 

“That’s because you’ve never felt real love. Once you’re mad for me you’ll never want it rough again.”

“Best give in and start now then. Need a snog before I can...”

Mark leaned in so his cocked head was just an inch away from Nicky’s lips. It shut the blonde up as he anticipated Mark’s next move. Was he really that weak that he’d give in so quickly? Nicky was good and Mark was desperate but surely he’d at least last a few more drinks... 

Nicky stroked the brunette’s longing streaks at the top of his neck. His hair was so soft from its second condition of the day, now un-styled, naturally forming a fringe. Mark’s warm breath was calmly released into the slight gap in Nicky’s lips, his throat going dry as saliva built under his wanting tongue. Their nostrils were almost exchanging exhales too as Mark hovered over the blonde’s waiting mouth. 

'Fuckin do it.’ Nicky silently spurred him on, not caring about the bet, he just needed to taste him. He shivered as Mark softly slid his hands up Nicky’s torso, grazing his nipples and resting on his neck. The silence was deadly as time stood still, neither making a sound except for the slivering of Nicky’s tongue, wetting his lips. 

“It’ll be worth the wait.” Mark whispered, his warm breath immediately dehydrating Nicky’s mouth again. 

“I don’t want to wait.” He croaked as he shuffled his bum to inch the denim material away from his hard-on. “Need you now.”

Mark ran his fingers through his reddish roots and rubbed the tip of his nose over the cute button. “Should have took your chance earlier... Now it’s too late.”

“Mmm, fuck, I’m so hard right now.”

“And I can’t even touch it.”

“Just give in and it’s all yours... There was no prize for winning.”

“Just pride... And I won’t lose that.”

“The deal was you don’t come onto me but you’re already so close so if I make the move then you don’t lose and I still get to taste you.”

“Taste this!” Mark moved one hand to suckle his own finger before wiping the wet tip over Nicky’s bottom lip.

“That’s you teasing me for sure.”

He grabbed the offending digit and took it back to his bottom lip. He slowly curled his tongue up the length of Mark’s finger before closing his lips around the tip, gently sucking to simulate to sensation he could be feeling over his bell-end. 

“Mmm, Nicky... God I want you.” His groin twitched as the boy continued to blow his index finger. He twisted his hips to press his erection on the blonde’s inside leg and closed his eyes as he tilted his head back. “Why couldn’t you have just done this earlier?” 

Slipping his hand away, Nicky smiled and tugged on Mark’s neck again, drawing his cheek closer so he could scale a wet trail of tongue action from the brunette’s jaw, up his face and ending with a peck to his temple. “Cause I’m a prick. Best get those pots washed.”

“Fuck off!”

“Told you I was a prick.” Nicky sniggered and slid down from the work surface, squeezing into the gap in front of Mark. “I need a cold shower and then we can carry on drinking.”

Mark thrust his hips into Nicky’s and pinned him right against the unit. “Are you sure about that?” his cock was pulsing ten to the dozen over Nicky’s jeans, pre-cum dampening the inside of his onesie as he began to sweat too under the furry material. 

“Control yourself Mr Touchy-Feehily... Don’t let yourself down.” Nicky smirked with a cheeky grin. He pressed his hands on the brown fluffy chest and lightly pushed him away. “Cold rinse, dinner plates, beer... You!”

Mark bit his lip as he cracked a smile back at the tease, he slapped his bum and dunked his hands in the sink to wash up, cleaning the plates before Nicky even made it to the bathroom to cool down, realising there was only a bath.  
***

“... Whilst the internet connection is still strong. Reports of some power surges have caused failures to coastal towns but the national grid remain confident the source will continue to run smoothly for the foreseeable, though no one can confirm the predicted longevity.” The newsreader announced the latest on RteOne. 

It was gloomy and cold but it just felt like the aftermath of a usual storm. Still and quiet as the black dust settled on the stony roads and wet grass outside the house. It was almost impossible to see the other side of the road though, the street lights glowing orange behind the mist. The news had been a comfort to the boys as they sat on the sofa with a can, Nicky now wrapped up in a pair of Mark’s cotton PJs and dressing gown. The fire was slowly flickering, offering them warmth as a peppermint scented candle burned on the coffee table, circulating a much sweeter aroma around the room than the choking stench outside. Mark had blocked off all the air vents now so it couldn’t seep in through any nook, a thick draft excluder wedged against the front door, letter box sealed with duct tape. It seemed to block out the truth lingering outside, especially when he closed the curtains and shut the world out. Their world was in that living room now. It’s all they had. To be safe. Their warren.

Mark sat with his side of the sofa reclined as Nicky spread length ways, resting his feet on the brunette’s lap. He sat rubbing the arch of his left foot with one hand, cupping a can in the other. It was automatic to give Nicky an unintentional massage as it had been a habit when Shane had sprawled all over him, aching after a day of running round doing interviews and standing for photos with fans. Nicky liked it though. It was relaxing him.

“Did you see those dead sheep?” Mark asked as the broadcast changed the subject. 

“Tired not to look. I’m guessing they were meant to be white.”

“Hmm… they looked like rocks. Couldn’t bear to live on a farm right now. See your livestock just suffocate and turn to stone.” Mark frowned, thinking about the images they’d been shown. 

No point complaining.

Nicky rubbed Mark’s leg with his right toes and offered him a smile. “It’s OK. We can watch something else. Have you messaged your mam yet?”

“Yeah, dropped her an inbox earlier. They’re alright. Told her I had company.”

“Really? Create many questions?”

“No she didn’t ask so I didn’t elaborate… she knows I’m safe and that I’m not going to top myself so she’s satisfied. What about you? Spoken to family?”

Nicky stared down at his empty can and silently sighed, failing to answer for a moment. He crushed the can in his hand and held it in his fist. “No point. I’m dead to them already.”

“Don’t say that. I’m sure that’s not true. When did you last speak to them?"

“About 12 years ago.” He admitted with raw emotion in his voice. “As far as they’re concerned, I’m just a crazy trouble maker who doesn’t deserve to be loved.” He couldn’t lift his head to check Mark’s reaction but knew by the squeeze on his foot that he was sad for him. “Burnt my bridges a long time ago… don’t even know if they’re still alive anyway. Heard after I left that my dad was ill.”

“Sorry.”

Nicky shrugged, having accepted he had no family to call his own a long time ago. “Managed on my own, suppose.”

“You don’t believe what they said though do you?”

He shrugged again, reached to place the dead beer on the table and cracked open another. “Seemed to have been right. I scare people away because I’m so head fucked.”

“You haven’t scared me yet. What happened to make you so…”

“Mentally unstable?” he sniggered, looking up to the younger boy, still keeping his feet warm. “You’ll laugh at me.”

“No I won’t… I’m not a twat! Talk to me. It’s not going further than this room.” He stopped rubbing the tootsies in his lap and rested his palm on the boy’s shin instead, twisting his body slightly to face the blonde. 

“You can trust me. I won’t judge you… much.” He winked and smiled. 

“I never fitted in at school. I was bullied for being camp but I was too afraid to tell anyone so I fought back… became the bully instead. I was an absolute bastard to some people, especially girls… they’d run to the toilets crying after the awful things I said to them. Like, disturbing shit 10 year olds shouldn’t know about… I played up in class, trying to be cool but feared at the same time. So no one would try and break me… but the pain of having no friends killed me. I had an imaginary friend until I was, well, anyway, I talked to myself, to him, a lot. I thought I’d got it hidden but sometimes I’d forget I wasn’t alone and the first time my dad caught me out he called me insane and we argued… they marched me to the doctors but no one would diagnose me with any illness, no mental incapability, just a little scroat with anger issues.” He took a swig of his beer as Mark listened to him open up. He’d never sat and talked to anyone before but he felt it was time to get it off his chest and Mark was nice enough to want to listen. “I should have just admitted I was gay when I was 9. Puberty hadn’t hit obviously but I already knew. Maybe then my parents would have understood and I wouldn’t have gone off the rails or got with my girlfriend to try and hide it. I wasn’t completely honest before, sorry. They made excuse after excuse for me until they couldn’t label me. Instead they took the advice to give me harsher discipline as permission to…” he couldn’t say it. He rolled up the sleeve of his night shirt and held his forearm out to show Mark the dent and scars below the crook of his elbow.

“Oh Nicky. I’m so sorry.”

“It was like the target. Anything my dad threw at me and slapped me with, it hit me there. There’s about 5 different scars all crossing over each other. See.” He pointed them out but quickly rolled his sleeve back down to cover the shame. “It hurt to wank sometimes.” He joked. “I was bruised so often, it felt heavy and difficult to find the strength. Got good at using both hands.” He chuckled. “I moved to Sligo as soon as I could to get away and start again but when the kids at the school I taught at worked out I was gay, that was it. It was like I was back in middle school, taunted until the voices in my head told me I had to run away again… the only friend I had was Keith… except for, you know.”

“Do you still hear voices or is it just an imaginary friend you talk to?”

“Don’t think I ever did hear voices to be honest. Just my imagination. Made up my own conversations.”

“What was his name?”

“I don’t… I feel like such an idiot. I’m not mental Mark.”

“I didn’t say you were. Just asking babe, you don’t have to tell me.”

“No, sorry, I… he’s called Kilian. I made him up after reading a kids book about a teddy with that name. We used to play together in my bedroom like a little girl playing dollies on her own, talking to him as if he was another person in the room as I lined up my Hot Wheels on the carpet… he just never left I guess. Grew up with me. It’s not like I could ever see him, there was never any visions of him, it was all in my imagination. I’ve seen more since the hallucinations started but everyone is having those now… you saw Shane but I never saw Kilian. I can control when I talk to him… I just get caught out now and again.” He grinned. 

“Right… so he’s just your comfort blanket. You’ve just never managed to let go because he makes you feel safe and not as lonely.”

“Exactly. I mean, I don’t need him when I’m with someone. Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself for not just growing up and facing the real world that when I do meet someone that seems interested, I rush things just so I can push Kilian away. Suppose that’s why I can’t hold a relationship.”

“It doesn’t necessarily make you a schizophrenic. I don’t think you’re crazy. If you’re in control of when you speak to him then you can kiss goodbye to him right now because I’m here now and I’m never leaving you.”

Nicky nodded, embarrassed. “Grown man in his 30s, still has an imaginary friend, seeks tall dark man to love him… great singles advert isn’t it?!”

“Nicky… that doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t think you’re crazy alright? I think you’ve been abused and broken so that’s why you push your luck. You’re desperate to find someone who’ll accept you and when you think you have, you try too hard to keep them interested and it back fires.” The blonde nodded again, smiling at Mark’s kind evaluation. “I still talk to Shane.”

“Yeah but he’s a real person. He’s still around just not in human form.”

“So? I couldn’t see him when I was having a bath but I still spoke to him.”

“Did he reply?”

“Once. But it was just his voice.” He blushed, his cheeks turning pink as he avoided eye contact. 

“While you were in the bath? Had a little fun did ye?” Nicky nudged him with his feet, giggling at the boy’s embarrassment. 

“Maybe… have you ever, ya know, over kilian?"

“No! he was my best friend. It’d be weird.”

“What if you find him in the afterlife? Do you think he could be real?”

Nicky shrugged. “Perhaps. I guess he could have been based on a real boy I’d seen somewhere, I don’t really know.”

“What if you did meet him? Is he fit?” he asked, trying to take the focus off his own dirty spirit wank. 

“Suppose. In fact… he looks a bit like you.”

“Ha-ha whatever.”

“No I’m serious. I haven’t really stopped to think about it but you both have dark hair, gorgeous blue eyes, bit of black stubble, an earring, wear dark clothes… he’s a bit, slimmer and not as tall but he’s nothing like me.”

“You saying I’m fat?” Mark asked with a straight face, putting Nicky on the spot but he laughed before he could answer. “Could you imagine I’m him?”

“I don’t want to. You’re you. You’re amazing in your own right. And no you’re not fat… so tell me something.”

“What do you wanna know? And don’t ask about Shane’s cock.”

“Ha-ha damn. Bet he wasn’t packing much anyway. Was he good in bed?”

“Of course. Very affectionate and giving… although he was a bottom so that’s your earlier question answered.”

Nicky smirked sticking his bottom lip out before chewing it. “Cool. So I get you too then do I?”

“I’m gonna rip you apart. What about you? Give or take?"

“Both. Whatever I can get.” He laughed. “Prefer taking a blowie to giving though.”

“Fair enough. Any reason why?”

“I have a sensitive gag reflex that’s all. Big up the ass, small in the mouth."

Mark giggled and stared at Nicky’s sexy grin. “You’d have been spit roasted then.”

“Wow, way to big him up!” Nicky raised his brow, assuming his comment meant Mark’s cock was bigger than Shane’s. “It’s not always the size that matters though I guess.”

“Yeah it is, be honest. It is for blokes. It’s gotta be right. There is such a thing as too big or too small.”

“Hope I don’t disappoint you later then.” Nicky winked and took a long gulp of his beer before taking his legs back so sit closer to the self-confessed big boy. He leaned in, nudging his nose around Mark’s lobe. “But I think I’ve got this one in the bag.” He nibbled on his ear, gently tugging until he heard moans. 

“Nicky… stop winding me up.”

“Mmm, just giving you a taste of what you’re missing.”

“Well, stop!” he gently pushed him away again, still determined not to let him into his pants. 

Nicky didn’t care, he climbed over his lap and sat straddling him, linking his fingers with Mark’s. “OK, I’ll stop… for now. Just can’t resist such a big, cuddly bear.”

“I’m a fucking wolf remember, not a bear.” He held Nicky’s hands with bent elbows, locking them in place so he couldn’t move. 

“Alright, Chewie. So tell me, how exactly you intend to make me fall in love with you.”

Mark gazed into the blue orbs twinkling back at him, trying to ignore his crotch grinding against Nicky’s as the little shit tried to discretely arouse him. “I won’t need to do anything. You already know who I am and as soon as I kiss you, you’re going to feel the world swallow you up and no one else will ever matter.”

“Worked on Shane did it?”

“Ha-ha, no he fell deep before he even knew me. I must just have a special gift.”

“Mmm and I want it… your gift.” He smirked, winking as he steadied his growing nerves and lust. “I want you already. I know that now. But I still think pulling away earlier was the best thing for us both.”

“And now?”

“I wish you’d fold.”

Mark loosened his grip so he could scoop the blonde’s neck into his hands to pull him down. Stopping just shy of his lips again, he blew gently over Nicky’s mouth. “No chance.” Nicky’s hands were gripping his shoulders so he didn’t collapse face first into him so Mark had total control. “The more you smother me, the longer you can wait and trust me, I can tease much better than you can.”

“Might wanna tell your cock that.”

“He’s got a mind of his own, it doesn’t count.”

“He?” he repeated barely audible as Mark’s nose rubbed his. 

“A-hum… although, you smell a lot nicer now. Good enough to eat.” He poked the tip of his tongue out and licked Nicky’s top lip. “Mmm, Nix, you taste so sweet.”

“Fuck off you dick and just kiss me.” He mumbled, too scared to make the move himself despite being within pouting distance for the umpteenth time today. “Before I do something you regret.”

“I don’t regret anything.” He whispered back, stroking one hand round the back of his clean hair. He pulsed his erection into Nicky’s bum cheeks and raised his brow with a cheeky grin forming in the corner of his mouth, hoping the blondie had felt it through the fabric barrier. Clearly he had as Nicky stopped grinding and took an inwards breath. “I’m not kissing you.”

“Please… you’re killing me.” He gave him a slow and delicate Eskimo kiss, squeezing Mark’s shoulders as he bed his hips back down on the hard lump beneath him. He’d brought it on himself and was now begging for more. He wouldn’t get the snog though. Served him right. “Need to taste you.”

“Need to taste you too.” Mark tilted the blonde’s jaw and sketched a circle on his neck with his bottom lip as he slowly breathed in his ear. “Gonna love you good baby.”

“Ah god.” He hissed, chewing the inside of his cheek as he thrust his crotch into Mark’s belly. “Not my neck. Fuck.” He felt a hand reach round to grasp his butt cheeks and groaned as he felt the palm squeeze. “Want your fingers inside me.”

“They already have been.” He reminded him of the suck he’d recieved before. “Smaller than my cock though.”

“I don’t fucking care anymore. I’d suck you off in a heartbeat. Take me however you want.” Nicky’s hands gripped Mark’s hair as the butterfly kisses on his neck made him hard as steel. “God, stop!”

“You gonna get off me?”

“I don’t want to but if it stops me coming in your pajama pants then I probably should because if you don’t stop teasing my neck like that I’m going to explode.”

“Interesting. I’ve never made anyone come without kissing or touching their cock.”

“Told you I was sensitive. So... Wanna try it? Look at it as a tick off the bucket list we’re gonna make... Mmm, fucking hell Mark.” 

There was his answer, Mark’s soft pout tickling his turn on spot, nipping the skin and licking the teeth marks below his ear lobe. Nicky was right, he was about to reach boiling point and Mark’s hands were nowhere near his throbbing erection, just fondling his little tushy and tugging the streaks above his left lug hole. He couldn’t help but gyrate his hips again, thrusting his stiffness into Mark’s cushioned belly. The brunette tried not to chuckle as Nicky lost control, finding it highly amusing that all he’d wanted was a kiss but already he was about to make him blow his load before he’d even got to it. He felt accomplished that he had such power to cause an orgasm in someone he’d literally met that day, someone he hadn’t even kissed or touched up. He wondered if Shane had ever had this affect on his fans; girls hugging him for a photo while they creamed their knickers. He didn’t want to know really. He shook the thought away and enjoyed his own arousal rub against the panting blonde’s ass. Moving both his hands he slammed them on Nicky’s hips and forced him down as he bucked his own, wedging his hard-on into his crack as he bit hard onto his neck. 

“Jesus... Oh my god, don’t... Stop, I’m sorry, I’m gonna... Mmm, fuck, yes!” he fought against Mark’s firm hold pushing him down, trying to thrust his weeping cock into his stomach as he orgasmed. The restraint just made it harder to control and he got a head rush the second his spunk covered the inside of the jammie bottoms. “Argh, fucking hell. You bastard.”

Mark laughed and sat back to see the sweat pouring down the blonde’s forehead. He relaxed into the seat and let go of his hips, flopping his arms down to his side’s but Nicky didn’t move. “Well that’s a tick. You did say.”

“I can’t believe you just did that to me. No one has ever... Fuck it felt amazing.”

“Imagine how good it’s gonna feel when my tongue is down your throat, my hand is around your cock and mine is deep inside you.”

“Mmm, I think I’ll need to lay down for that one.” He huffed and instinctively leaned down about to give him a thank you kiss but stopped just in time, placing just a peck to Mark’s cheek instead. “You’re too good. Thank you.”

“My pleasure. I aim to please. Can’t believe you’re so fucking easy. Took me fucking ages to make Shane cum the first time.”

“You must have improved since else he had serious issues.” Nicky panted, still catching his breath as he reached for his beer to cool himself down. “Might need to change.”

“Yeah you better. Not sharing a bed with you in those sticky things.”

“I sleep naked!” he raised a brow. “So watch your back wolf man else you might end up with a tail in your jacksie.”

“Not before I’ve kissed you. You’re not fucking me until I’ve given in and kissed you first. But... That’s not gonna happen tonight so piss off and get cleaned up. I’ve got a new game we can play that doesn’t involve erections and spunk.”

“Sounds boring to me.” Nicky sniggered, climbing up from the sofa. “You da man Feehily.” He winked and pointed at him before stumbling away to wipe away the steaming smudge of semen plastered between his skin and waistband. 

Mark was in awe. How the fuck had that just happened?! He wasn’t quite sure it qualified as winning the bet but hearing Nicky moan like that when all he did was nuzzle his neck turned him on and he was proud of his skills. He couldn’t get to his own stiffy through his stupid onesie and it was a good job else he’d have been rushing to the bathroom to jerk another out himself. Instead he closed his eyes and placed his cold beer over his balls hoping the coldness would cool his body and shrink his wood before the sexy blonde made it back. A few more beers and he couldn’t see himself resisting anymore.  
***

It was 10pm before they knew it. Felt like a week later what with all the drama of the day but the lads were finally behaving themselves and having a harmless laugh as Mark told Nicky some funny memories of his time on the road with Shane. He’d put some music on in the background to liven things up a bit and they chugged plenty more beers to make them merry. There was no new updates on the news, nothing they hadn’t heard earlier that day at least so they made the most of all the electric appliances, lighting up the room with a lava lamp, disco bulb in the light fixture, stereo playing and the laptop on charge. It felt more like a club than a lounge as they got to know each better over a proper drinking sesh. 

**  
The audience chanted for Shane’s opening appearance on stage. It was the first gig of his second tour but this was a big one. Real venues where bigger stars had played. Still not the arenas he was yet to play but the sell out theatres were teaming with adoring fans, desperate to share the space with their idol and first crush. 

Edging ever closer to the stairs, Shane shook off his nerves and kissed Mark waiting with him for moral support before he ran up to the royal box to watch the show. The intro to his second single geared everyone up. The screams were deafening. 

“You’re gonna smash it baby. I’m so proud of you.”

“Shitting bricks.” Shane’s voice shuddered. “Thanks Wolfie. Love you.”

“Love you more. 3, 2, 1... Knock em dead, go!” Mark gently pushed his man’s shoulder to proceed up the steps into the smoke. He raced to his seat and watched with tears in his eyes as Shane broke out in song, the smoke dying down to present his silhouette to the roaring crowd as the spotlight burnt his back. “Woo! Yeah.” He shouted, joining in with the hoards of screaming girls. 

It was going so well. He never missed a note as his voice serenaded his fans, stronger than ever, sweeter than any record could sound. Singing live was his forte. Not a disappointed face in the house. 

Half way though the show, Shane had chosen some current chart toppers and well known floor fillers to cover to raise the roof and get everyone bouncing but he wasn’t quite expecting everyone to see quite so much of him on the first night which was being scrutinized by journos from across the country. 

“So Birmingham I’m gonna ramp it up a bit for ye. Who knows a little number called Sexy Back?... Haha yeah? Will ye dance with me?... I know it’s getting hot in here right?” 

The girls went wild as Shane strutted up and the down the stage to the Justin Timberlake track which merged into the Pussycat Dolls Don’t Cha where he changed the lyric girlfriend to boyfriend. The thrusting was going down a treat, turning Mark on as he swayed his own hips behind the balcony wall. 

Turning round to shake his ass at the crowd, Shane’s over enthusiastic movement ripped the seam of his trousers straight down the arse crack. The audience errupted as his bare bum was flashed by just about every mobile camera not already filming him. When he realised the hole was exposing his skin he jumped round and tried to save his embarrassment by pretending it was all part of the act. He carried on singing, avoiding eye contact with Mark who stood covering his mouth in shock but as he calmed his hip movements he started to unbutton his shirt too, teasing the crowd with a flash of his upper chest before the song ended. 

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Mark muttered under his breath, mortified by Shane’s attempt at saving the performance. “Too far man!” 

Shane wasn’t the type to get his kit off but this was just an unfortunate mistake. Mark blamed himself. It’d been his idea...

“Wow Birmingham that went well.” Shane laughed, still turning a brighter shade of red. “Sorry to anyone offended. It was a total accident. I um, I asked my gorgeous boyfriend to give me a dare tonight and he dared me to do the entire show commando so that’s why I’m not wearing any jocks.” He raised his brow to the overwhelmed women in the crowd. “Haha I think he swapped my trousers for a smaller size to make it happen, what do ya reckon?! Ah guys I’m so embarrassed honestly.” He turned to the box where Mark stood chuckling and pointed up to him to show everyone where his love was watching from. “He’s going down tonight. Karma is coming for you man, it’s coming! So I Erm, I’m going to nip off and change into my jeans and while I’m gone I want everyone here tonight to shout the word karma over to Mark. I’m going to kill him, c'mon let me hear ya.” He tried to get the room on side as he backed offstage where the wardrobe girl was standing with his next costume change early. 

“I hope you’d showered.” Teased Keala, handing him some boxers and jeans. 

Shane raised his brow to the girl that had seen him topless in just boxers no end of times already during his previous tours costume changes. “Not since... Ya know.”

“Right before the show?! What are you, animals?!” 

“It calms me is all.” His guilty grin flashed at the poor girl as she understood Mark had fucked the star just moments before he went on stage. “Don’t worry, we used protection.”

“Thank fuck for that!” she said partially sarcastically with a sense of relief.  
**

Nicky laughed his socks off at the story. Shane had repeated what was said backstage later on so Mark had to apologise to Keala for embarrassing her too. Luckily she saw the funny side of it as she was so close to the boys but the stick Shane had got for it afterwards was relentless and in the end Mark copped the blame in one of few slaps to the back of his head as Shane reached a rage. 

“Didn’t you hear about it in the papers? The Irish Star went ape shit for it. Most of the articles were amusing but a few people didn’t see the funny side, using the usual gay slurs and accusing us of rubbing it in fans faces that Shane’s ass belonged to me."

“Jesus... Yeah I think I heard about it a while later but there wasn’t any media photos. They were all censored. I bet there’s a few videos online though.”

“There was but I think most of the close up ones got taken down. It became an in-joke for the rest of the tour so after the roars he got from the next gig from fans having heard all about it, he added the shirt opening for every show. Just undoing his top 3 buttons as a tease.” 

“Well it’s only fair everyone else got to see a piece of him. He was very sexy and reserved. Never did a topless shoot did he?” Nicky sipped his vodka Coke, grinning at Mark with the vision of Shane’s bare arse.

“No because he wasn’t like that. He wanted a career based on respect, not because people thought he was sexy... I on the other hand...” he smirked about to reveal something he presumed Nicky wouldn’t believe or already know. “I um... When I said I don’t regret anything there is one thing I’m a little ashamed of. But only because my parents saw it and gave me the third degree.”

“Ooh what did you do?”

“Oh god. I’ll show you.” Mark pulled out a stash of magazines from a box in the corner of the room. Most of them were teen mags or music article scraps but at the bottom was a GT magazine. He flicked to the centrefold and continued to turn 3 more pages, presenting the photo and paragraph. 

Nicky’s eyes popped out his head and his jaw dropped. “Holy shit!” he snatched the booklet from him and stared at the amazing picture in front of him. “Wow, Mark!”

“They asked me to do it when Shane’s first album hit the number one spot. There was a bunch of us asked to do it. The other guys aren’t gay but they’re a lot fitter than me. There’s just a bunch of celebrity’s partners posing topless or naked. A couple were sort of famous.”

“You look amazing! That eye liner... The shadows on your chest, fuck man.” 

“I was a little fitter then. Shane had been dragging me to the gym for a year so it’s not touched up too much. I think my mam just didn’t like the fact I’m only wearing a small towel over my groin.”

“Barely.” Nicky couldn’t take his eyes off the stunning sepia image of Mark laying on his back, his right hand under his head, left bent above it, his gaze staring directly at the camera with his chest on show, though a little airbrushed down to a towel tucked around his hips. He’d shaved back his pubes slightly so you could see the contours of his body down to his covered genitals and the tease drove Nicky wild. “I can not believe you did this. You stud.”

“OK, pervert.” He snatched the mag back and threw it down the side of the sofa, blushing as his cheeks burned. “I don’t look that good anymore. It was like 6 years ago or something.”

“Mark, you’re gorgeous. So what if you don’t have a six pack. I’m not interested in that shit anyway. I’m not shallow. I know I got excited over the picture but fuck, you look sexy as hell... Doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re sexy now.”

“Gee thanks Nicky but I’m actually not that self conscious.” he smirked. “I hated being that slim. I didn’t feel like me ya know?”

“Well, whatever then. I’ve still seen you nearly naked.” Nicky grinned, poking Mark’s ribs. 

“Yeah so get your kit off. You owe me.” As Nicky jokingly began to untie the waist strings on his bottoms, Mark laughed and reached out to stop him. “No, seriously, don’t. Ha-ha. I can wait.” 

“Spoil sport. So what other stories do you have?”  
***

The rumbling had gone unnoticed until Mark got up to turn the music down a minute to show Nicky some videos on YouTube. They’d managed to find a few incriminating clips of Shane meeting fans in the pubs after the shows of his first tour and Mark couldn’t remember much about them. The light in the kitchen flickered as another loud clatter was heard from outside. It seemed the storm was back and the risk of losing the power again put a slight downer on the night. Mark didn’t want to turn on the TV to find more images of devastation. Ignorance was bliss and no matter what was going on outside the window, it wouldn’t change the end result so he shrugged at the blonde and simply switched off to stereo, lava lamp and disco light in exchange for putting the lamp on and throwing another log on the fire. He was enjoying their night so much he didn’t want it to end. Both boys were slightly drunk now and he really wanted to watch videos of Shane while he could so he filled them both another shot and sat back down, closer to Nicky than he’d been before. He wrapped his arm around the older boy’s shoulder and kissed the side of his head. 

“Fucking weather.” He cursed.

“That’s Ireland for ye.” Nicky replied, hiding his growing fear as the gap in the curtains allowed the flash of lightening to burst into the room. “Sake... Just press play for fuck sake.”  
***

Phase two of the storm lasted 3 hours. Cold acid rain pelted down on the windows, bringing salty hail with it, so hard against the window Mark thought it was going to crack and flood into the lounge. A fork of lightening had been so close he thought it’d hit the front door but in fact it had struck a tree in the park down the road and caught fire for a few moments. The rain was so heavy though and the branches were sodden already that it took mere seconds to distinguish itself. 

With very little shelter, the homeless huddled together in a 3 wall bus shed, frightened and hopeless. Their bodies were giving up much faster than those warm and dry indoors. The dusty particles in the air were being inhaled into the victims lungs, charring their alveoli faster than a lifetime smoker of 40 fags a day. Bronchitis had already taken over the oldest man and he was struggling to breathe. Their hearts were racing, working overtime to force any oxygen in the air around their organs but their considerably fragile frames were losing their battle. There was nowhere to run. Church’s were now open house but not many parishioners were willing to end their days helping the least fortunate. When it came down to it, they didn’t believe God was being fair and everyone turned selfish in their longing to be surrounded by family in their last days on earth.  
By morning the oldest of the group had given up. The 67 year old man had taken his last breath during his sleep as the others slept, or at least tried to over the sound of rolling thunder and hard rain against the shelter’s roof. When the first man noticed their friend lifeless and blue he dropped his head in mourning. He was so scared he’d be next, that they had to try and crawl 2 blocks away to the church to rest in peace. Not that any of them were religious. How could they believe in God when they’d been handed such a crappy fate living on the streets? This particular group of friends were purely victims of family breakdowns and job losses and much like Nicky, they’d turned to alcohol after their misfortune, to keep them warm at night as they slept under the stars and trees of the park. They’d all looked out for each other over the years. Never stole for their dinner. They rummaged in bins to find food and the youngest man, an ex army soldier of 45 years old, used to climb into the dumpsters behind Gregg’s and Tesco to salvage a few out of date, disregarded packages to provide midnight picnics but with the ration booklets in use and the supermarkets running dry of stock very quickly, there’d been very little to scrounge for. 

Colin nudged Owen and silently cocked his head towards Philip. “He’s gone chap. We must find shelter. Tis no good out here. Please, we must go.”

Owen’s face dropped with fear as he saw his best friend’s dead body slouch to the floor. Devastated the Mist-ery had taken its first victim so fast. “No.. oh no, Phil, Phil I’m so sorry.” He cried, pulling the older man closer for a hug. “Oh mate, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too but we have to go else we won’t see tomorrow either. I don’t want to die in the street. The church Owen, we can try for it.”

“What’s the fucking point?! We’re infected now.” He coughed, spluttering black dusty phlegm over his fist.  
“He’s gone. We won’t be far behind.”

“Well I’d rather be dry and suffer under a roof even if it is under the eyes of God. That prick owes us sanctuary. C’mon we have to go. There might be chance of breakfast.”

“Why eat?! Why are we fighting to survive?”

“Natural instinct I suppose. You can stay here with Phil if you want to die in his arms but I don’t think Daddo can keep you warm anymore.”

Owen huffed as a tear fell from his mucky eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a shower. “I wish I’d just died at war. Never got thanks for serving my country when I returned so why fight now?”

“Because you’re a good man and if it wasn’t for you, he and I would have perished a long time ago. You’re a good lad Owen, you deserve better than this and I don’t want to go without you. I know Phillip was like a dad to you out here, being a veteran himself but it’s just you and me now kiddo. Please. I’d like to go together. We only have each other left.”

Owen nodded and stood to his feet, coughing harshly as he clutched his diaphragm. “OK, I’m with you. Lead the way.”  
***

The boys hadn’t quite made it to bed. They’d watched endless videos of Shane on YouTube followed by blooper reels from their favourite shows and ended up cuddled up on the sofa watching the log fire as they talked more about their childhood memories. Mark had been reclined in his spot again and Nicky’s head was rested in his lap as he stretched out along the furniture. The blonde had drifted off first with Mark’s fingers wrapped around his bleached streaks and once the wookie realised his Labrador was snoozing, he closed his weary eyes too as he lost focus on the dancing flames dying down.

Feeling a chill across his ankles, Nicky shivered and cleared his throat as he stirred from his slumber. His neck was aching after 6 hours in the same position so he rubbed himself back into shape as he sat on the edge of the seat, leaving Mark still snoring away. He checked his watch to see it was only 7:19am but was curious to see the state of the morning weather. Everything seemed deadly silent as he reached to open the drapes. The street lights were off. Was this because the power was out now or because the forecast predicted some natural light? As his eyes adjusted to the daylight, a foggy, dark day as assuming, he saw the two homeless men shuffling along the street, holding each other up as they coughed their way to the church. When Nicky scanned the street for any other movement he came across the body in the shelter. It was obvious it was too late for him to follow the other chaps and it broke his heart. He’d seen the 3 amigos many a time on his travels home from the pub and had often flashed them a smile, given them a friendly drunken wave or thrown them a coin or two. In fact he’d even spoken to Philip for an afternoon one sunny day as they sat in the park sharing a tinny. Nicky had bought a 4 pack and laid a blanket down to sunbathe when Philip had asked for a lighter. The blonde didn’t smoke but he offered him a beer instead and they’d spent the next few hours chatting while Owen and Colin had been scavenging for lunch. 

Nicky closed his eyes and bowed his head to the old man gathering dust. He was desperate to throw a blanket over the man to pay his respects but he didn’t dare go outside and the other men were too far away now to shout from the window and lob something down. Plus he didn’t think Mark would go for the latter option. He’d done so well in blocking out all the vents and crannies to keep the mist away, he didn’t want to go back on the feat by letting a gush through in one go. He had to be strong and accept this was how it had to be. The horror scene shook him up though so he quickly shut the curtains again to ignore the outside world. It was dark anyway, made no difference to the room if they were open. He sat on the window sill and stared down at his feet, feeling the lump in his throat get bigger. Unable to hold it in, he burst into tears.

As Mark noticed the spot on his lap go cold from the absence of Nicky’s head he shuffled in his seat and mumbled, his voice crackled as it broke for the first time that day in his dehydration. “Nix?” he looked round to see the older boy wiping his cheeks so hopped over to his side, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. “Hey what’s wrong?”

“Everything... Everything is wrong. Why is this happening?”

“Sinking in today huh?”

“Don’t look outside. It’s not worth the heartbreak.”

“What is it? No dead fish guts I hope.”

“Pfft, can’t see fuck all except a dead homeless man... Looks like Phil.”

“The veteran guy? How can you tell?”

“Saw the other two guys walking away... He didn’t deserve to be on the streets Mark. He fought for our country and the authorities did nothing to support his PTSD. He lost his home because he couldn’t afford the rent. He couldn’t claim benefit but couldn’t hold a regular job either. He fought for our freedom and was left with nothing when his wife left with his son. No one understood PTSD back then. He’s been on the streets for 25 years... I just think it’s sad how he had to end his life in what may as well have been the trenches. I only spoke to him properly once but he and his friends, they all seemed so genuine. They weren’t druggies or criminals. They didn’t steal to live they just begged for a little help now and then, minded their own business otherwise and found their own grub.”

“There’s nothing we could have done to help. He was a frail old man... But I’m still sorry you had to see it. We’ll leave the curtains closed.” 

“Thanks.” Nicky pressed his ear against Mark’s chest to hear his heartbeat. He needed to feel alive in this nightmare swallowing up the world. “Do you mind if I take another shower while the waters on?”

“Of course. Take a long bath if you want. I’ll rustle up some breakfast if the electrics work.” He kissed the blonde’s head and gave him a squeeze. “Take whatever you want from my wardrobe. I’ve got loads of jumpers. Or actually you’ll probably fit better in Shane’s stuff. His tops are on the left hand side but you might be better off in my joggers if you’d prefer the length.”

“Mark the PJs were baggy enough but at least I could tie them up. Think I’d rather have an inch less on the length than an extra 3 around the waist.”

“Cheeky fucker. Who’s gonna see what you’re wearing?!”

“You! Just cause you walk around like a 5 year old in character costumes doesn’t mean I wanna look a plonker.” He giggled, pulling back to smile at Mark. “But thanks. I’ll find something.”

“What’s wrong with my onesie?! It’s warm and comfortable.” Nicky raised his brow at him without saying a word. “Fine, you just want access to my body that’s all.”

“Chance would be a fine thing yeah... Won’t be long, a shower with that thing you stick over the taps is fine. Not one for baths really. Mines white, 2 sugars.”

“I know... Nicky... If you ever wanna talk about anything you know I’m here.”

“Gee I forget what we did most of yesterday so...” Nicky grinned as he stood up. “No, seriously, thanks. I’m OK. It was just a shock that’s all.”

“Alright. Hurry up then pretty boy.” Mark stepped aside and slapped his bum but received a kiss on the cheek in return for his comforting cuddle. 

The brunette smiled as he watched his tearful company wash away his tears. Seeing as the lamp was still on he assumed the electric was still alright so I went to the kitchen and turned on the grill and frying pan, ready to cook up a hangover busting full English breakfast. 

 

*I'll paint you mornings of gold. I'll spin you Valentine evenings. Though we're strangers 'til now, we're choosing the path between the stars. I'll leave my love between the stars.*

 

Choosing something to wear proved more difficult than Nicky had anticipated. What if he picked a shirt that brought back painful memories or special ones that caused Mark to freak out? He was right, it didn’t matter what he looked like really so he reached for a simple black t-shirt and some plain grey, cotton lounge pants from Shane’s side of the cupboard but covered his arms with an over sized, black, zipper hoodie hanging on Mark’s end. The sleeves were far too long but it smelt just like him which was a comfort. He didn’t want to model himself on Shane, it just didn’t feel right. They had a similar taste in fashion but it was cold and Mark’s scruffs were more appealing. He stood by the mirror and sprayed some deodorant followed by a slap of after-shave to smell nice. He dabbed two finger tips into the wax pot and ran his fingers over his hair. He didn’t make too much effort but felt better about himself when he didn’t look like a tramp. The whiff of bacon filled the air and Nicky’s mouth began to water. He ensured all the upstairs doors were closed and made his way downstairs to a tidy lounge. 

“How long was I?!” he looked around the room to see all the evidence of the night before either neatly tucked under the coffee table or chucked in the bin. “Smells delicious.” He wrapped his hand around Mark’s back and sniffed the fry-up being plated. 

“Not too long. Take a seat I’ll bring them over.”

The food was spot on and the coffee went down a treat too. Mark had always enjoyed a spot of cooking but hadn’t bothered so much since losing Shane. Understandably his appetite had been suppressed but now he had someone to fatten up, he began to use his food stocks while he could still prepare hot food. He definitely wasn’t looking forward to using the log fire to heat an iron kettle or tin of beans like he was camping. He hated camping and was glad of a nice hotel down the road when ever Shane did a 2 day festival. 

“Nix do you mind sitting for a portrait for me? I’d really like to draw you in-person so I can compare it to the others.”

“Sure. Titanic style or...” he grinned, finishing his last fork full of beans. 

Mark tutted and rolled his eyes. “Whore! No just your face.”

“Ha-ha, fine. Though the ones you’ve done are pretty spot on. Very artistic and what do you call it?”

“Contemporary. I usually like to stick to still life, fine art and realism but the canvas is kind of impressionism I suppose and the cub is interpretation.” Mark noticed Nicky’s blank stare as it was obvious his artist jargon meant very little to him. “Never mind. You’ll see.”

“So if you’re gonna draw me, what do I get to do for you?”

“For god sake don’t sing what ever you choose. I heard you in the shower.”

“Ha-ha charming. Sorry I’m nowhere near as talented as Mr Perfect. I might not be very good at singing but I used to write poetry. I could scribble something down for you.”

“You really don’t have to do that but thanks. That’s sweet. I’ll just clean up then grab my pencils.”

“I’ll do it. You get changed and I’ll find the best light to sit in for ye.” Nicky stood up and gathered the dirty plates. “I can create something in my head while I sit.” 

“You’re perfect, thank you.” Mark leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek and hurried upstairs to throw on some joggers and a thin, black, long sleeved top. He noticed his after-shave had been moved so assumed Nicky had borrowed it then realised nothing from Shane’s vanity table had a single finger print in the dust. “Oh Nix.” He frowned, worried the blonde was too scared to go near anything Shane owned. 

He thought it was cute that the blonde respected his love’s possessions but in truth it didn’t bother him. If Nicky had entered the room in a red check shirt, Shane’s Levi’s, cowboy boots and scent doused all over him it wouldn’t have upset him. He’d have found it amusing and not taken offence. Not like Shane needed any of it and many of his clothes and shoes cost a pretty dollar or two. Be a waste not to get anymore use out of them. On the other hand he didn’t want to encourage Nicky to become a clone either. Although their styles were similar, he didn’t want the boy to feel he was trying to replace Shane or shape him into his ideal doll. Nicky was perfect in his own right and it turned him on more to see the skinny one drowning in his own clobber.  
***

‘Silver hair in your golden years but you've still got stars in your eyes. Lived your hopes, and you've lived your fears, but it's time to make your burdens mine. And all the words you sent to me, they never faded. I know we took the long way round but now we made it. Feels like we've got the whole world in our hands. Feels like we caught the rainbow, at the end. Feels like somebody said it's our time. Nothing more, nothing less than right. I'll meet you at the finishing line. Forgotten times and forgotten places. Faces come and they go. But I've been sketched, painted, burnt in your memory and you're the constant I know. I've been like a ship at sea, stranded, alone. And you came like a wave to me, and carried me home. Feels like we've got the whole world in our hands. Feels like we caught the rainbow, at the end. Feels like somebody said it's our time. Nothing more, and nothing less than right. I'll meet you at the finishing line.’

“I know it’s more of a song than a poem and it’s not a patch on what Shane could write but it means something.” Nicky explained after Mark had finished reading his handy work. 

“It’s beautiful and makes total sense. I love it thank you.” Mark smiled, touched by the blonde’s ability to touch his heart with words. 

“So let me see it. Is it good?” Nicky jumped off the sofa to take a look at the new masterpiece that had taken over 90 minutes to draw. “Whoa.”

“What d’ya think?”

“Wow it’s amazing. It looks exactly like me... And it’s definitely the same guy from the others only this is more detailed. Fuck... I can’t even draw a stick man. You’re so talented.”

Mark scooped Nicky up by his waist and dragged him down to sit on his knee before nuzzling his nose into his neck while giving him a squeeze. “Thank you. I’m happy with it... And I’m happy I got to draw the real thing. Only you’re more beautiful in real life.”

“Not sure about that. But I’m happy too. Nice to know I don’t resemble a Picasso.”

Mark chuckled and kissed Nicky’s cheek. “You’re talented too Nico. I bet Shane would have loved you to write him something.”

“As if he’d ever have sung anything I wrote.”

“He would have if I’d told him to.”

“Hmm, forgot you were bossy.” Nicky smirked, linking his hands into Mark’s as they rested in his gaping pockets. He tussled with the man’s fingers and leaned his back into Mark’s chest, resting the back of his head on the artist’s shoulder. “Can’t believe you were with him for his entire career. Must have been so exciting to share all that with him.”

“It was amazing. He was amazing. I couldn’t be prouder and luckier to have found him when I did. I just wish...” Mark paused getting emotional. He didn’t want to make Nicky feel unwanted. “I um, just regret the way it ended.”

Nicky sat up and faced round to him, cupping the palm of his hand around Mark’s bearded jaw. “You can say it you know. You wish it was him you were holding right now... Til the end.”

“No, Nicky I didn’t mean...”

“Mark it’s fine, I’m not jealous. If I was you I’d be feeling the same way. Plus you can’t regret the way it ended because it was out of your control.”

“Suppose... But I have you now and I’m happy with that too. I still get to spend what’s left of my life with a stunner.”

“You’re so cute. I think he was the lucky one.” Nicky stared into the oceanic blue orbs under the long black lashes that were welling up with a river ready to burst it’s fragile banks. “You’re so thoughtful and considerate. All the stories I’ve heard and read so far... No one has ever treated me that way.”

“Should have popped in the showroom 8 years ago then. Maybe if I’d met you first...”

“Bullshit. I’d have had nothing to offer you and even if you did fancy me I’d have driven you away in the end and you’d have missed out on the amazing time you had with Shane. Seeing the world for free, being adored by thousands of men and women...”

“Envied more like. I wasn’t in it for that. It wasn’t all glamour ya know. I had to put the fans first so many times that I used to go to bed in a grump if it cut into our alone time. We still argued. It wasn’t all raindrops on roses.”

Nicky smirked at the boy trying to talk down the relationship he’d gushed about so much before now. “I’m not naïve Mark, I know no relationship is perfect. I understand it must have been tough sharing your time but you don’t have to dampen it down for me.”

“I’m not. But what if I was just being delusional and it wasn’t as peachy as I thought it was?"

“What the fuck are you on about?! Why the hell would you start tearing strips off your precious memories, trying to find fault in your relationship? You were about to propose to him for god sake.” Mark dropped his gaze, confused himself. “Oi, look at me!”

“Sorry, I’m just...”

“A dickhead. I don’t wanna hear that shit from you. What you had with Shane was real and I love that you got to experience it so I get to hear true stories, not stupid fairy tales. Don’t ever doubt it or nit-pick at the negatives because it won’t make it easier to deal with and self pity doesn’t suit you.”

Mark’s eyebrow twitched in surprise as he refocused on Nicky’s baby blues. “I’ve been hanging around you for too long haven’t I?!” he sniggered, making Nicky smile too. “Sorry.”

“Cheeky... but yeah and you’ve rubbed off on me too... You make me wanna be more positive. I know I’m annoying and be can miserable but deep down that’s not me. When I’m happy I’m bouncy and fun to be with. I crack jokes and encourage people to enjoy themselves. You’re bringing that back out in me and I...” Didn’t wanna say 'love you for it' in case it was misinterpreted. “I appreciate it and being here with you is making this whole nightmare bearable. So thank you.”

“You’re right though. You are incredibly annoying sometimes.” Mark tickled Nicky’s waist to lighten the mood but he didn’t try to get away. In fact it only encouraged him to sit closer by wrapping his legs around the back of the dining chair as he perched his bum on Mark’s chunky thighs. “So annoying.” He deliberately opened his legs for Nicky to drop through the gap but snapped them back together before he could slip off completely.

“Whoa, fucker! Be nice.”

“Sorry babe but you’re rubbing off on me remember.”

“I’ll fucking rub on you again if you’re not careful.” Nicky stood up with his weight firmly on his feet as he used Mark’s sturdy legs as an adductor machine. 

“Shit you’ve got strong legs.”

“Too right.” He winked, holding his hands on the brunette’s shoulders. He bent down to kiss his crown but then shuffled away. “Coffee?”

“Oh OK. Running away again are ye?”

“No. Just not giving you the opportunity to bust my ass and since it took you so long to draw this gorgeous face, I’m gasping.” He ran off into the kitchen but Mark followed. “So what do you fancy doing today? Shopping, football, Frisbee...”

“Har-har.” Mark tilted his head at Nicky as he sarcastically replied. “We could watch a movie. Your choice.”

“Ooh Titanic.”

“Really?! A disaster movie? Are you insane?”

“What? It’s a love story. I’m flying Jack!”

“Fuck off. I’ll choose.” Mark shook his head and hopped up onto the work top where they’d found themselves a lot over the last 24hrs. “So if I had met you before Shane, would you have been interested?”

“Based on looks alone?”

“I guess. But it could have been down the pub. Ya know, having a beer, having a chat. What were you like 8 years ago? Would you have fancied me?”

“Wow, um... Probably. I fancy you now and I don’t think my tastes have changed much. But Kilian was around quite a lot back then. After I asked Shane out I got with Nathan and he was the guy I was seeing for 18 months. I was working at the library but the silence was driving me crazy.” 

“What did Nathan look like?”

“He was a rock dude. Looked a bit like Adam Lambert. So again, more like you than Shane. But when I slept around it was never with anyone I could see myself with. It was just drunken sex. When I like someone I don’t put out as easy.”

“I don’t think you’d have driven me away Nicky. I think I’d have been good for you.”

“Doesn’t matter now does it? I’m here and now is all that matters. If I had a choice then I’d have waited until now.”

“Because you think there isn’t enough time to ruin it and you get to die happy?” Nicky hid his frown as he turned to pour the hot drinks. He shook his head and hated that Mark 'got' him so well. “Nix, come on babe. You can’t keep thinking like that.”

“Mark just stop trying to psychoanalyse me. There’s nothing we can do about it so there’s no point fretting. Let’s just enjoy what’s left.” He passed over a mug and blew into his own before sipping and like a numpty, he burnt his top lip on the steaming hot coffee. Hissing in pain, he quickly put the cup down and groaned. “Ahh, ha-ha, shit.”

Mark laughed. “Idiot.”

“Thanks... Fuck it hurts. Do you have any ice?”

“Tut, man up! You barely touched it.” Mark struggled to hold back a smug grin as Nicky rolled the tip of his tongue over his top lip. “God sake, you pussy. Come here.” 

“You going to kiss it better?” the injured party willingly stood between his legs but dropped his head to Mark’s chest as he rested his hands on his waist. “I’m a total fanny aren’t I?”

Mark kissed the top of his soft locks, lingering long enough to take in his scent. He smelt so good, so much sweeter than Shane and the blonde’s vulnerability made him much cuter too. Shane had always been confident and head strong but this delicate, wilting flower in his hands now was pulling heart strings he didn’t know he had. 

“Nix, look at me... OK it looks a bit red.” He leaned his head in close and lightly flicked his tongue over the rosy skin, the thin pink ridge he was used to pouting or curling. Without hesitation he kissed Nicky’s philtrum but his own succulent, fuller chops were left pressed upon his lip. 

Tasting Mark sent shivers down his spine. It came as a surprise after all the teasing and resisting but he’d so easily gone in for it this time, nerves got the better of him. He let out a little moan as his hands closed around Mark’s love handles which caused the brunette to pull away. “Mmm god.”

“Better?”

“I think you missed a bit.” Nicky grinned with a twinkle in his eye. 

“Mmm, you taste so good.”

“When are you going to kiss me properly Mark? This is driving me bat shit.” He stamped his foot like a spoilt little brat and dramatically stuck out his bottom lip. 

“Ha-ha, told you I was a better tease than you.”  
Thrusting his jaw forward he captured Nicky’s protruding lip in his teeth but only nibbled it lightly. The desperate horny groans coming from Nicky’s throat spurred him on. Instead of giving him what he wanted, he pressed kitten kisses on his chin and jaw until he reached the blonde’s neck. 

“Please don’t start what you can’t finish. It’s not fair.”

“I don’t need to finish, you can manage that on your own.” He reminded him with a giggle. 

Pulling back to roll his eyes at Mark, Nicky huffed and stepped back. “I don’t trust you. If you’re not going to kiss me then don’t touch me at all. Let’s just watch a film and behave.”

Mark laughed at the boy and didn’t say another word as he followed him into the lounge, licking the taste of Nicky’s skin from his mouth. He loved the thrill he got from teasing him and the growing anticipation was getting hotter but he wanted to blow his mind and enjoy the best first snog he’d ever had so the wait was going to be worth it.  
***

As the Black Mist-ery took its place over the continent, the storms only seemed to persist around the centre, leaving the tornados to the outskirts and Ireland was certainly on the cusp. The waves crashing on the coastlines eroded the sea view homes and washed many vehicles into the ocean as a minor tsunami swept the midland coast. Achill Island was crumbling, disappearing into the water like Atlantis. Strandhill was slowly experiencing mud slides down the cliff sides and the beaches were a wash of sea life but Sligo town fell silent. The only people left on the street were the stubborn homeless, not seeking shelter. Far away on the horizon though, seen by powerful photography and satellite images, there was a blue hint of sky where the edge of the mysterious cloud faded and ceased to cover the oceon and land it had summoned. But it was still too far away to escape to. Any aircraft that took it chances, flying low across the ocean was soon shot down in flames. Whatever was controlling the devastating mass, wasn’t going to let a soul through its invisible walls. 

The news was bringing false hope to many Irish residents and when they decided there was a chance they could survive the nightmare, they took their chances and tried to live on as normal but they were gravely wrong and the thick, poisonous soot in the air choked them to death faster than the smarter folk that remained locked indoors. 

“Do you think there’s any chance of getting through this?” Mark asked, making conversation as they sat snuggled on the sofa, watching the eastern world report on their preparations. 

“There’s still no reports of any survivors in America. You saw the planes bursting into flames on the horizon so there’s no getting away.”

“No but if it moves east just a few more miles, we might be out of it. Then what?”

“Do you really think we’d be lucky enough to be spared?” Nicky coughed as he looked up at his hopeful friend. 

“Not now your coughing.” Mark frowned. 

“That’s just the fag smoke.”

“Ah, sorry.” He wafted away the blue nicotine fog and stubbed out his cigarette in the ash tray. “Shouldn’t really be adding tar to my lungs right now but figured it didn’t matter in the end.”

“I don’t have a problem with you smoking babe. I’m just not used to it that’s all.”

“Well I don’t want you to suffer so I quit.” He reached for the half full packet of Mayfair and emptied them into his pint of water. “All gone.”

“What did you do that for? I said I didn’t mind.”

“I do. I want to protect you and I don’t like that it’s not ventilated anyway so fuck it. The smoke from the log fire is bad enough but at least that goes up the chimney most of the time. Plus... I don’t want to taste like an ash tray when I kiss you.”

“Nathan was a chain smoker. He always tasted of stale fags. It was disgusting.”

“So, say we are spared... What happens then?”

Nicky sat up and rested his head in his hand as his arm propped him up on the back of the sofa. “You mean would I stay?” Mark shrugged. “What about Shane?”

“As long as you and I are together he can pass over and he will be out of my life.”

“But you don’t want that. You want to be back together.”

“Yeah but if we’re not going to die then it doesn’t mater does it? I’d have to treat it like a real situation and move on with my life. I couldn’t commit suicide just to be with him because we already know I wouldn’t get to him. If I thought this wasn’t the end then I’d deal with it.”

“Which means I wouldn’t be here right now.”

Mark gazed at the boy and felt guilty. He sighed and rubbed his face as he clenched his jaw and groaned. “Well you are so it doesn’t matter. Maybe we’d have still met in our own time. I’d have been down the pub drowning my sorrows wouldn’t I?”

“Mark... I know what we have going on here right now isn’t real. I get that.”

“Why isn’t it real?”

“You know why. I’m only doing this so you can fly up to heaven and be with Shane again. He lead me here remember and told you why he needed you to seduce me... You’re forcing yourself to like me, to make me like you so we fall into each others arms but it’s all fake. There’s just no way you and I would work in the real world. I’m a drop kick alcoholic without a job, a mentally unstable freak that talks to a man that’s never existed but I’m not an idiot Mark. I’m not the naïve, vulnerable, desperate, broken soul you think I am. I’m doing this for you because I admire the love you have for Shane and it breaks my heart to see you suffering without him.”

“Nix seriously...”

“No, don’t deny it. If you believe for a second that you can defeat this thing and live on in a broken, shadowed world with some way of escaping to Australia, then say so and I won’t waste my time getting in the way of your grieving.”

Mark was upset now. It was just a question and it turned into Nicky ranting about the authenticity of their friendship. He wasn’t sure if the blonde had meant everything he said but it hurt to hear the truth. He tightened his lips and nodded before looking him in the eye. “I’m sorry Nico.”

“Sorry for what?! Humouring me or admitting I’m right?”

“OK yes this whole thing is fucked up and maybe it is a forced situation but baring in mind we might not be around much longer, I’d rather fake how I feel if I get to be with him again. I’d rather not feel cold and alone in the process while I sit and wait to die either so I’m trying my hardest to see this as a blessing too not just a act or a trick to free him of his mistake.”

Nicky sniffed and wiped his nose as his eyes twitched, holding back an outburst of emotion. “Right... If you really think being with me will take you to him then fine, use me Mark.”

“That’s not fair. I’m not using you...” he argued, raising his voice.

“Yes you are. That’s exactly what you’re doing. I don’t need this. I don’t care if I die a sad and pathetic loner. I’d rather be on my own like I have been for my entire life than be tricked into loving someone who doesn’t care about me at all. Someone who pretends to be caring and understanding, all noble and...”

“I’m not pretending! This is who I am.”

“But you’re using me Mark. You’re getting some sick pleasure out of teasing me because you don’t actually want to sleep with me or kiss me because one, you feel like you’re cheating on Shane and two, you don’t fancy me!”

“Fuckin hell Nicky!” He shot up to his feet and bashed his head against the brick wall above the fire place, grazing his forehead enough to bleed. “I do fancy you!” he shouted. “You’re fucking gorgeous, why would I not fancy you?!”

“But I’m right.”

“What does it matter?!” 

“I’ve still got feelings man. I don’t wanna end my life beside someone that pities me and lies for his own gain.”

“I haven’t lied about anything. What are you talking about? Yes alright, I’m doing this for Shane, I’ve never denied that. But it doesn’t mean I’m faking my feelings for you. Isn’t it at all possible that I might actually like you? That every time you touch me I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you... I have to hold back because it makes me feel sick with guilt. Shane’s only been dead 5 weeks and already I want to feel someone else inside me... You have no idea how that makes me feel. Because the truth is Nicky, if I didn’t like you then I wouldn’t be doing this... I’m so angry with Shane for what he did and truth be told, I don’t want to forgive him yet because he’s hurt me. But I’m not using this to my advantage to get back at him either... I’m scared... I’m scared this is going to backfire and I’m going to be the one falling for you because I’m on the rebound or something.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, counting his pulse as it throbbed from his scabby head. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. Seeing Shane yesterday, it’s fucked with my head. I thought I knew what was going on and what was going to happen but last night my dream was completely different and considering so many others have been signs and stuff, seeing the horizon today made me backtrack on everything.”

“What was your dream about?” Nicky looked up at him with a solemn expression. He hated that they were fighting and hoped it didn’t amount to anything serious but with little else to worry about, sharing their feelings was all they had. 

“It was just a dream.” He muttered.

“Bullshit. You just said they’ve all been signs recently so what was it? Did you predict the horizon?”

“I don’t know... It doesn’t mean we’re gonna survive. I just... We were... You and me.” He huffed and turned his back on Nicky as he sat on the edge of the coffee table staring down at the ashes of the burnt wood in the fire place. “I can’t say it. It’s never gonna happen whether I want it to or not. Which I don’t... I won’t let it, the mist won’t let it.” 

“Mark please...”

Snapping with frustration, Mark yelled without facing him. “Just go Nicky! Leave me alone.”

“What?!”

“Just do what you want... I can’t... I don’t want to think about it right now. Just leave me alone, go.”

“Go where?!”

“I don’t care!” his voice withered into a soft rumble as he broke down in tears. “I’m sorry.”

Nicky finally let a tear fall from his cheek too as he lifted himself to his feet, staring at the back of Mark’s head as he sobbed into his hands. “I’m sorry too.” He whispered and granted his wish by residing to the bedroom where he laid on the bed in silence, soaking the pillow with his tears until he eventually drifted off to sleep.  
***

Scientific research conducted by the Japanese had proven the Mist-ery was no less of a threat on the side-lines. Life was ending at the same rate as everywhere else and despite there been a glimmer of blue sky in the distance, satellite data proved the air pollution left hovering over the Atlantic ocean and America was still dangerous. The only unaffected areas of the globe were the Eastern continents trying their best to create underground shelter. But there was still sceptics, convinced they could see it through. Mark wasn’t one of them now.

During the 3 hour peace he’d been given as Nicky slept off his hangover, Mark had watched an hour of news. He’d convinced himself that the dream he’d had was really just a normal fantasy this time but he now wasn’t sure seeing Shane had been real. He was so confused by his own thoughts and beliefs that he no longer trusted himself. Although he didn’t think he’d live, he didn’t think he’d be reunited with Shane in some make believe afterlife either. He brushed off any possibility that the mist had brought the spirit world to earth and that any dreams he and Nicky had had to be together was just their terrified minds playing tricks on them. He knew Nicky had taken a shine to Shane years ago, it’s not like they were total strangers. Nicky had seen Mark on the red carpet before, even if he hadn’t taken much notice and once he’d evaluated all the logical reasons behind their far out theories, Mark felt more comfortable with his new conclusion. 

After he’d cleared his head and come to terms with his new reality, he’d decided to make a cake. He’d often had a beautiful offering for Shane upon his return from work and they’d always devour it in one sitting with a glass of wine in front of a movie. Once he’d completed the decoration he smiled at the masterpiece and left it to breathe on the dining room table in the lounge. He’d not heard a wink out of Nicky and he worried he’d climbed out of a window so he took off his flour smeared, Darth Vader apron and quietly crept up the stairs on the prowl. 

Hearing cute kitten snoring from the bedroom, he inched the door open to see his sleeping beauty, snuggled in the recovery position on top of the winter duvet. He looked so calm and peaceful but Mark hated himself for banishing the innocent blonde during his rant. The last thing he wanted was for the pretty man to leave. Climbing up onto the memory foam mattress trying not to wake him, Mark shuffled close until he was spooning him. He rested his right arm above his head and reached his left round to rest his palm on Nicky’s stomach, pushing his belly into the curve of his back. It was several minutes before Nicky’s body heat rose and he stirred to the feel of warm breath on his neck. 

“Hey beautiful. Didn’t mean to wake you.” Mark whispered in his ear. 

Nicky smiled as he turned his hand to hold the spare on his stomach that he knew wasn’t his own. “Mm, hey.” He croaked, pushing his back further against Mark’s warm torso. 

“Sleep well?”

“Yeah... Are you OK?”

“Yeah I’m... I’m fine.” Mark kissed Nicky’s head before the blonde shuffled over on his back so he could face him. Stroking the blonde hairs from his forehead, Mark softly smiled at the sleepy look on his face. “I’m so sorry I was a dickhead before.”

“It’s fine.”

“No it’s not. I was just confused and I took it out on you when I shouldn’t have.”

“Who else you gonna rant to?” Nicky shrugged and grinned, linking his fingers back into Mark’s hand. “Are you feeling any better about it all?”

“Had an epiphany... The news helped make me see I was being delusional. Everything makes more logical sense now and I’m not going to let some stupid dreams or hallucinations control how I should feel or act.”

“That’s great. So where does that leave us? Do you still believe Shane is trapped?”

“No... I don’t think there is such a thing as the afterlife and if there ever was it’d have to be far away from earth after this bullshit. I don’t know for sure why we both felt compelled to be together and some things I can’t explain but by conclusion I trust that you being here is the biggest coincidence there is. A gift maybe... Nix, I don’t care about pleasing anyone else or holding onto unrealistic and selfish hope that somehow I’ll ever see Shane again. We’re all going to die but you and me, were still very much alive and I see this as one last chance to be happy and not dwell on what I’ve lost because at the end of the day, we all lose and the only thing that matters is living as long as we have left as the best versions of ourselves. We don’t know if I’m right or wrong but what I do know is that having you here with me is exciting and comforting and I want you to feel the same way... I want you to want me. I want you to depend on me and treat me like your own. I want to wake up next up you and know you’re here because you want to be and that if the mist disappeared tomorrow that you’d stay with me and let me prove to you that you’re not crazy, that you are worth it and that someone can love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

“Wow, I... That’s some turn around. You’re not just saying it to win me round?”

“No of course not, I promise. I know it’s not long after Shane and I’ll never stop loving him because there isn’t time but it doesn’t mean I want to waste my last week’s burying my personality away when I could continue to be me and make you happy instead.”

Nicky stared at Mark’s genuine gaze and squeezed the honest touch he felt above the fluttering in his belly. “This isn’t just about sex is it?”

“No... I don’t care if we wait until our last night for that but I know I can’t hold this back any longer.”

“Hold what back?”

“This!” Mark slowly but surely leaned down and gently placed his lips over Nicky’s. He felt an instant reaction as Nicky reciprocated and he didn’t want to let go.

“Wow.” Nicky gasped, not quite expecting it but enjoying every millisecond. “OK... So I’m... Wow.”

“Shut up and kiss me back will ye?” 

Not needing to be told twice, Nicky let go of his hand and held his own on Mark’s jaw, drawing him back in for a much more passionate embrace. He crushed their lips together in a second and forced Mark’s mouth open with his tongue. Moans of relief that it was finally happening escaped the blonde’s throat, vibrating into Mark’s crevice who was trying not to smile and lose the lock they had connecting them. It didn’t last forever as Nicky took control and pulled away for air but in the time they did share, their entire bodies surged with pins and needles as their hearts raced, filling with boiling blood. 

“Mmm Nix, that was...”

“I know.” He grinned. Proud of his performance. “Worth the wait.”

“Absolutely... Are you hungry? I’ve made you something.”

“Really? What is it?”

“You’ll have to come back downstairs to see. We can come back up here later. I’m sick of sleeping on that bloody sofa, I want to snuggle up to you right here instead. And if you’re lucky I might let you sleep naked.”

“Mmm, is it bedtime yet?” Nicky beamed as he suddenly went shy. “Marky, I... Just want you to know... I am still here because I want to be. For whatever reason, I’m here now and being with you is the only place I want to be. No matter what happens.”

“Good. Because I’m not letting you go anywhere.” He took the boy in his hands and licked his lips again, encouraging him to indulge in another game of tonsil tennis before heading for the kill of salted caramel cake.  
***

For the first time in forever Nicky woke up in the arms of someone he trusted. Someone he liked whom he didn’t feel was using him for sex or a roof over their head. He wasn’t naked nor was he shattered and sore from a drunken one night stand. He was warm and content in the arms of a wolf, protecting him from the harsh threat of death waiting to rip his lungs out. Mark’s hairy arms were tucked around his belly, his head resting on the back of his neck, his hair tickling him as he gently nuzzled, leaving butterfly kisses on his shoulder. Nicky was topless, as was Mark but they were both covered from the waist down in clean PJs, no signs of a sticky mess from the night before when they climbed into bed. 

“Good morning beautiful.” Mark kissed his shoulder harder this time. “Sleep well?”

“Mmm, perfectly.” He shuffled round to give his new man his first morning kiss on the lips. He sighed as he stretched, sporting the happiest open smile Mark had ever seen him give. “I thought this day would never come.”

“Are you sure you’re not dreaming?”

“Pinch me just in case.” Instead of pinching him, Mark jumped on top, straddling the blonde and leaned in to bite Nicky’s neck, giving a growl as he did so, making him laugh. “ha-ha, ow, alright I felt that.”

“Good. Feel anything else?” he winked, nudging his morning glory into Nicky’s. 

“Apart from your big arse crushing my bollocks?”

“You don’t like my big butt?” he pulled his bottom lip out in jest.

“Not when it’s strangling my balls I don’t. Ya great lump.”

“Nice to know that’s how this relationship is gonna be. You giving me body confidence issues.” He laughed, shuffling down slightly to rest on Nicky’s thighs. 

“Babe I seriously can’t wait to have my hand, cock and face in your arse but my balls aren’t ready for it yet.” He laid staring up the curves of Mark’s cuddly, hairy belly and chest, biting his bottom lip. 

“You can touch me ya know. You don’t just have to stare imagining the magazine.”

“I’m not thinking about the magazine.”

“So what are you thinking?” Mark began to massage Nicky’s skinny hips, drawing circles with his thumbs down towards his groin. He watched as the blonde’s eyes closed and he hitched his breath. 

“Mmm, that I’m glad I didn’t sleep naked else you’d have full frontal view of my stinking hard-on right now.”

“Ha-ha I can see it throbbing under your jammies.”

“And you teasing me like that isn’t helping.”

“Yet you’re still not touching me... Nix... We don’t have to.”

His eyes flashed open in a second. “What? I... I do want to.” He reached up with both hands and rubbed his palms on Mark’s chest, slowly wiping his long fingers down to his squishy belly button. “I just wasn’t expecting it to happen this quick.”

“You seem nervous.” He smirked, inching his finger tips closer to Nicky’s helmet trying to poke out from his waistband. 

“Could say that.” He chuckled trying to control the pulsing. “Just don’t want to disappoint.” 

“I don’t think there’s any fear of that from where I’m sitting. But if you’re not ready, I’m in no rush.”

“Will you blow me?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“It won’t take 2 minutes, trust me. It’s been a long time.” He blushed. 

“Best lay back and relax then.” 

Nicky had never been so nervous about receiving a blow job. It was usually the first thing he asked for and he took great pleasure in watching his one night stands choke but this was Shane Filan's boyfriend pulling his kegs down and it was suddenly the biggest deal ever. Their first kiss had been perfect as had their first night’s sleep in a bed and he didn’t want to embarrass himself by not being up to standard. He was petrified to touch Mark. What if he was too rough or not good enough? He knew he’d be compared to Shane and he’d already heard he was good in bed so he had competition. 

Nicky closed his eyes as he felt Mark’s lips kiss him, trailing further down his chest and stomach until he took the elastic in his teeth and tugged. For the first time Mark got a eye full of what the blonde was packing and his reaction was more than what the naked boy expected. 

“Well... This is going to be fun.” Mark gulped as his eyes watered, not going unnoticed by Nicky who laughed back at him. “My god, you’re going on top!”

“Sshh, be quiet.” Nicky chuckled guiding his hard-on into Mark’s mouth and let him do the rest.  
***

His head was directly above the toilet as his hand pressed against the wall, clawing the wallpaper as he wretched. His throat was sore from coughing his guts up. At first nothing was coming out but the more his stomach convulsed the looser it became until a whole heap of phlegm choked him. He spat it into the bowl and wiped the spit from his chin on his wrist. 

“Did it taste that bad?” Nicky stood in the doorway of the bathroom with a satisfying grin on my face. 

“No sorry, I... Just my lungs clearing out all the crap from smoking. It happens when I haven’t had a cigarette for a while.” Mark smiled and flushed the chain before turning to brush his teeth. “You feeling OK?”

“I feel amazing thanks to you.” Nicky wrapped his arms around Mark’s belly and rested his head on his bare back. “Sorry I didn’t... I’ve never been so nervous about actually... Don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Mark turned around and rested his hands on the fully clothed blonde. “Nix, it doesn’t matter. If you never touch me then I don’t care... Why are you so worried?”

“Guess it’s still a bit weird that’s all.”

“Cause I’m Shane’s ex?” Mark rolled his eyes and chuckled. “It’s just sex.”

“You’ve changed your tune.” Nicky sniggered. “Look, I do want to and I will. I just don’t want to rush into it. This morning was perfect.”

“Babe, we don’t have time. Time isn’t something we can... OK. Let’s just pretend the world isn’t falling down. I’ve already made you cum twice, well, the first time wasn’t quite my doing but... We’ve kissed, we’ve talked and... This relationship or whatever it is, it has to be compressed.”

“I know I’m just being stupid... It just feels like I’m a teenager again. I know it’s stupid because it was Shane that was famous not you and I’m not some pathetic little fan girl but I can’t stop thinking about him.” Nicky dropped his head and sighed. His eyes were welling up as it was slowly sinking in that the star had taken his own life because he couldn’t die in Mark’s arms and there he was, taking his place. It didn’t feel right at all. 

“I know you’ve tried to make peace with it already but with everything that’s happened these last few days... My head is all over the place. I feel like I’ve stolen you.”

“Of course you haven’t. He was gone weeks ago and yeah I’ve had time to kind of come to terms with it until this week’s head fuck but I told you last night how I felt about it all. I’m with you now and I want to see this through with you.”

“I’m so scared Mark.” His voice trembled as he let his head drop to Mark’s chest. He clung onto the small of his back, trying not to draw scratches with his finger nails. “I’m scared you’ll leave me and I’ll have to go through what he did. Nowhere near the pain of course but if I fall for you and then you leave me first... or what if you, not saying you will, but if you like me and then I go first and you’re left with nothing again?”

“Hey, sshh, it’s OK. Don’t worry about me. If it weren’t for you I’d have ended it last night. The way I see things are different now, I wouldn’t have to worry or feel guilty for ending my life and anyway if I had I’d be stuck where he is and we’d be together again straight away. If I still believed in that, which I don’t.”

Sniffing back potential tears, Nicky pulled back and stared into the blue orbs smiling down at him. “You’d have... Taken your own life? But you’re against that. You’re angry with Shane for doing that.”

“Yeah well I’d be dead so it wouldn’t matter. Why suffer if you don’t have to?”

“But you stayed for me? Why?”

“Because I’m not selfish and I want to be happy one last time before I die.”

“Committing suicide isn’t selfish.”

“It would have been because I wouldn’t have been thinking about you and what you need.” Mark ran his hands up Nicky’s shirt and cupped them around his neck. “I’ve got you now and everything I do is for you.”

“You barely know me.”

“Can we please stop analysing this ten times a day? Just be happy. Be alive. Be with me and forget about who was lucky before and who deserves what. This isn’t a task to love you... I’m not saving Shane anymore, I’m saving you.”

“Me?! Saving me from what?”

“You know what.” He stroked the blonde’s hair behind his ears and drew him in for a kiss, softly suctioning their mouths together. “I want you now and I want you to want me too.”

“I’m sorry. I’m such a pussy.”

“You’re not a pussy... You’re a strong, golden, affectionate puppy remember. My puppy, my cub.” He closed his eyes and kissed him again, slipping his tongue deep into his mouth to take Nicky’s breath away. The embrace turned him on though and through the thin cotton material of his PJs it didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Mmm... I think your other puppy wants to play.” Nicky whispered between kisses. 

“He always wants to play. He’s wants to meet his new daddy.” Mark licked Nicky’s lips before breaking away to suckle his neck. “Ignore it and he’ll settle down eventually.”

“Ah, mmm, you’re so mean. Stop!” Nicky could see this going somewhere now Mark’s teeth were nibbling his turn on spot again. He tilted his head aside to enjoy the tingle sensation rush from his collar to his groin. “Not again. Stop, c’mon it’s not fair on you.”

“So fucking touch me and shut up.” He yanked the boys hips towards him to squash their crotches closer together. Why was Nicky so afraid to even hold it? It was just a dick. He’d touched plenty before. He should be honoured to touch this one, having being handled by a popstar already. Just as he plucked up the courage to slid his hand between their bodies to grasp Mark’s wood, the brunette hiccupped and immediately wretched straight after, spinning round on the spot to be sick in the sink. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.” He panted with his eyes closed, wet lashes stuck to the bags under his eyes.

“I’ll go put the kettle on babe.” Nicky patted Mark’s back and left him to vomit in peace. 

This time it was vomit. Not the thick mucus from his smokers lung but real acidic fragments of his stomach lining. Must have been something he’d eaten, he thought, until he opened his eyes to see the red spots sliding towards the plug hole. Blood. Mark’s eyes widened as he saw the flecks of black dust amongst the remains of last night’s tea. He shook his head with creases in his forehead. But he’d barely been exposed. It couldn’t be...

Strolling into the kitchen in a thick black hoody and matching joggers, Mark kissed the back of Nicky’s head and picked up the coffee waiting for him. 

“Cheers. Sorry about before. Must have had a reaction to something we ate.”

“Thought it was nicotine withdrawal?” 

“Hmm... So what do you want to do today?” he asked with a spring in his step, blatantly ignoring the fact he’d just possibly caught sight of the first signs of his demise. There was no way he was telling Nicky. It could just be nothing. He always got withdrawal mucus, who doesn’t? As for the vomit, probably just a result of coughing too much coupled with a hiccup and the taste of foreign spunk. Everyone gets blood in their spit and sick sometimes right? Hmm...

“I want to do something fun. Something we can have a laugh over. What games do you have?”

“Erm, we have a cupboard full. Monopoly, Scrabble, Twister...”

“Whoa, dude, I said fun not geriatric and as for Twister I think we need more than two people.”

“Alright, alright... Gees...” Mark rolled his eyes and opened the cabinet to look at the shelf stashed with games. “We have loads of 4 player shit, we used to do regular games nights with Shane’s brothers or Keala and Jackie from wardrobe. 2 player we have... Upwords, Stay Alive...”

“Fuckin hell, Stay Alive? The marble game? Haven’t seen that for like, 25 years! What other oldies you got?” Nicky leaned over Mark’s shoulder to take a look for himself. “Cluedo, Go For Broke, Noel’s House Party? That was a game?”

“Man, the game was better than the TV show. The Grab-a-grand bit doesn’t work since Shane pumped it too hard and broke it but the rest is good. We just used to play the other sections separately to the board.”

“Oh what, you have Cards Against Humanity? I love that game... Celebrity Guess Who, what the fuck?”

“Oh yeah, ha-ha we actually invented it and then when we went over to Germany to a toy factory they asked what game or toy we’d love to customise so we said Guess Who and they just made up a load of new faces to stick in the pieces. It’s quite modern, was only made couple of years ago. Wanna look?”

“Of course. Don’t tell me Shane’s on it?”

Mark grinned sheepishly and laughed, handing the box over. “Don’t judge us, of course we’re both on it.”

Opening the box as fast as he could, Nicky flipped open all the heads on one of the boards and giggled at the range of celebs. “Jesus could you not have gone for a few more high profile people?... who the fuck is that meant to be?”

Mark leaned down to see who Nicky’s finger was pointing to. “Brendan O’Carroll... Mrs Brown’s Boys.”

“Really?! As himself? I’ve never seen him as himself. Huh... You seriously put Simon on this?” Mark shrugged and nodded. “Aww Tom Cruise, fit!”

“Do you want to play it or are you just gonna slag off our choice of people? There’s a reason behind each head you know.”

“Alright well how about you just explain that to me.”

“Well I’ll explain random ones and you can guess who I’m talking about then.” 

Mark took the other board so he could be reminded of the celebrity faces and thought back to the reasons they’d chosen each person. Most of them were actors or singers they were fans of but it was fun talking about memories and common likes. It wasn’t a game as such but it lead to two hours of similar games like Would You Rather and Have You Ever. 

“You’ve never had sex in the shower?! Are you for real? Are you even a gay man?” Nicky laughed, assuming the brunette couple would have shagged in every shower in every foreign country. 

“Well I don’t own a fucking shower do I and when we were on tour we just used the hotel beds. We barely had time to shower individually, let alone together.”

“Would have saved time then wouldn’t it?” Nicky laughed, amused and surprised by the lack of adventure in Mark’s sex life. “So like, never? With anyone?”

“Nope. Gave him a wank in the outside pool of a hotel once. Actually it was the same time we got the game done. The pool boy was an absolute tosser, being prejudice and racist so we thought fuck it. We knew we were on camera too so it could have hit the papers the next day but we got away with it.”

“That’s totally grim man. I hope it was filtered out before anyone else got in it.” Nicky cringed at the thought of swimming in a body of water filled with semen. It was a given that even adults piss in pools but the thought of a booger or sperm just floating around made him dramatically gag. 

“Ha-ha, who cares? You’re telling me you’ve never done anything disgusting in a public place?” Mark raised his eyebrow at the blonde waiting for a shocking reply and he wasn’t disappointed.

“Yeah but... I was at that international beer festival at Croke Park a few years ago where they had the bands playing and stuff... Busting for a piss and the toilets were miles away so I just, went in my glass.”

“And... People do that at music festivals all the time.”

“Yeah but you don’t always have class bullies from primary school approach you and snatch your pint from your hand do ya?” Nicky gave a dirty smirk and bit his bottom lip. “Stupid twat got a bitter taste in his mouth after that one.”

“He didn’t? He actually drank it?”

“Took a big gulp with a smug smile on his face... After he swallowed he saw me zip up my flies and his face questioned the after taste. I winked at him and proudly laughed in his face. Before he could do anything else I snatched it back and poured the rest over his head.”

“Christ. Did he punch ya?”

“Did he fuck. Was lost for words. I know it wasn’t intentional on my part but it was still pretty rank. I was just going to put the cup on the floor but he came across all fucking smug like the little prick he always had been. Saw him a few months later when I went to see an old friend back home and he just nodded at me across the street. Don’t think he’ll be bothering me again.” 

Mark laughed and shook his head at Nicky’s proud smile. He could tell he wasn’t the type of guy to deliberately offer someone a pint of urine topped cider but it was funny to hear someone that had teased him years before finally got their comeuppance.

“Oh well, serves him right for bullying my sweet little Nico.” Mark patronised the blonde, pinching his cheek like a nanna would. 

“Piss off. I did a lot worse when I was a bully. The things that I said... Just hope I didn’t mentally scar any of those girls. Wish I had time to apologise to them all.” Nicky hung his head in shame over his past. He was ashamed of his behaviour but didn’t make excuses. “Anyway let’s play Win Lose or Draw. Used to love that show.”

“Can you draw? Because if not you’re handing me first prize.”

“Of course I can’t draw but where’s the fun in guessing if it’s that easy? I’ll do my best and we can play for our own points. The more you guess right, the more points I get else I’d just be deliberately bad to win. We can use the easel.”

“OK I’ll just go get us some juice.” As Mark entered the kitchen he felt his throat go dry and his nose itch, he twitched his face to promote a sneeze and became very aware of the colour left splattered in his hand. This wasn’t normal. He was desperate for a cigarette and knew he’d got more stashed under his bed but didn’t want to cause Nicky a cough by going back on his word to quit. He took a deep breath and necked half a pint of filtered water to moisten his throat and returned with the juices, plastering a fake smile on his lips to hide any concern from his already terrified company.  
***

The days seemed to all blend now. It was so dark and dusty outside it looked like a sheet of black snow had settled on the path and cars outside the window. The mist was relentlessly spreading freckles of poisonous particles all around and without the fire burning to reduce the intake down the chimney stack, the lounge was beginning to whiff. They were cold though so by tea time Mark struck up some logs and broke out a bag of marshmallows for them to toast while they huddled in front of the flames for warmth with a cold can of beer to warm their cockles. Cabin fever was taking hold now as Nicky was so used to being out in the fresh air, walking to and from the pub every day. He wasn’t bored as such as his new friend offered constant entertainment but it wouldn’t be long before the lights went out for good. 

Turning his kebab stick of Flumps in the orange light, Nicky stared at Mark’s worried, concentrated glare. “Where you at? Anywhere good?”

Breaking out from his daze, Mark blinked and tutted at the charred side of his burnt mallow. “Sorry, just... Feels surreal. Waiting to die.”

“How you feeling? Are you hungry?”

“Not really but my stomach feels empty. Should probably try to eat something. Not sure how long we have left to use the cooker.”

“Do you think we’ll starve to death first?”

“Not if you like beans on toast. There’s bread in the freezer and plenty of tins we can heat up on the fire. My mam gave me a little rack and camping stove pan.”

“Aren’t you scared?” Nicky knew the answer but Mark was being so brave, he didn’t want to admit it. “When the lights go out I suppose that makes it more real.”

“It’s not real enough for you already?"

“Well yeah but... Every step closer we get, the harder it is to deal with. Everyday something is lost and we don’t know how long we have left. I’m scared shitless Mark.”  
The lump in Mark’s throat grew as his eyes felt heavy, ready to burst. His marshmallow was just a black rock now so threw the stick in the fire and held his head in his hands, sighing. “Of course I’m fucking scared. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to make this easier on you.”

Nicky dropped his treat on his plate to cool and shuffled closer to Mark, wrapping his arms around his slouching shoulders. “Hey it’s not your job to do that. We’re in this together remember. You’re allowed to be as afraid as me. No one really knows what to expect. What worries me most is that I don’t feel any affect from it yet. I was expecting to be projectile by now.”  
“Be thankful you’re not. Considering you were outside breathing it longer than me, you’re doing great. My lungs were fucked in the first place.”

“Have a cigarette. What’s the point in quitting now? I don’t believe for a minute you haven’t got any left.”

“No I don’t want to hurt you.”

“A bit of fag smoke isn’t going to hurt me. Smoke in another room if you want. The extractor fan must be alright to use if it’s sucking air out not in. Don’t give up for me. What difference is it gonna make now? Not gonna die of lung cancer are we?! If it stops you coughing up shit it’ll be easier on you.”

“Are you sure?” he looked Nicky in the eye and thought about his next drag of nicotine. “I’m sorry I’m so weak but the thought of a smoke right now is really appealing.”

“Please, go for it. I’m sorry I let you stop in the first place.”

Mark gave the pretty blonde a thankful smile and leaned in to give him a gentle kiss. “You’re so wonderful Nix. I wouldn’t have touched another without your say so.”

“Who am I to stop you? I’m going to open the whiskey again in a minute so if you’re happy to let me drink, you can smoke all you like.”

“Deal. And for the record, you are someone to me and your opinion matters. If Shane had ever asked me to quit I would have. I just don’t have the willpower to go alone.”

“You don’t have to. It doesn’t matter now. I mean, fuck, if we had a gram of cocaine right now I’d snort the lot. Never tried it before but what do we have to lose right?”

Mark chuckled and kissed Nicky’s temple. “God I wish we had a lifetime together. I think we’d make a great team... I’d get you a job and before long we’d have the money to travel and party like we’re 18 again. I bet there’s never a dull moment when you’re totally happy and in love.”

“Wouldn’t know... Haven’t been totally happy since... Don’t think I ever have and as for being in love...” he shrugged, resting his head on Mark’s shoulder as he watched the flames dancing by his feet. “I’d like to think it feels warm and fuzzy like my toes are right now. But within my heart.”

“That’s part of it.” Mark squeezed Nicky’s waist towards him and nuzzled the blonde’s neck as he spoke. “You feel safe and... At home with the person no matter where you are. You feel like you can take on the world no matter what life throws at you if you have the security, love and loyalty of one person who thinks about you even when you’re not around, even when you’ve had a petty argument or they’ve done something to make you angry... You look at them and they’re just so beautiful, no one else gets a second glance and if anyone goes near them, you freak out and want to snatch them into your arms and claim them... It’s having total trust and faith that that person only wants what’s best for you and that all you want is for them to be happy. The thought of losing them from your life is devastating and the pain you feel inside when they’re gone is something you can never anticipate or explain. Like a part of you has broken or you’ve lost a limb... you don’t function the same without them. Losing someone you love that much just makes you tired and feel hopeless as if there’s no point carrying on. You’ve given your life to them and when they’re taken from you...” Mark caught his breath and let a tear fall from his eyes, soaking into Nicky’s streaks resting on his cheek. “You feel dead inside. Empty.”

“Mark I’m so sorry.”

“Losing Shane is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. It hurts in places I didn’t know existed. My life didn’t really begin until the day he walked into the showroom and then everything felt right. My whole future was mapped out. We were gonna get married and buy the house in Strandhill. Everything was perfect. He was perfect.”

“I’m kind of glad I don’t ever have to feel that pain. No wonder it tipped Shane over the edge. You understand why he did it don’t you?”

“Yeah I get it I just feel angry about it. I’m not really angry with him I don’t think. More so with Simon for making him go early. I just wish I’d known so we could have said a proper goodbye. Hallucinating that he’s here just isn’t the same. He killed himself feeling like he was the last man on earth. It rips me apart to think how desperate he must have felt to do that.” He sobbed, holding Nicky tight for comfort. “I miss him so much.”

“Babe I’m so sorry. I wish I could take his place, bring him back for you. I hate seeing you this upset. I feel so useless.”

Mark pulled away and wrapped his fingers around Nicky’s neck, facing him as more tears slid down his pink cheeks. “You are an absolute angel Nicky. I don’t need him back now. I’ve come this far on my own but now I have you and I wouldn’t change that for anyone. What happened was sick and I know I’m mooing about it but meeting you just makes me realise Shane isn’t the only person in the world that could have made me happy.”

“You really believe in me don’t you?”

“Yeah like... I feel guilty that we didn’t meet sooner. At least as friends so you could feel like you belonged in a circle of friendship where you never had to feel alone. Where Kilian wasn’t needed anymore. I wish Shane had let you in and included you. We’d have had so much fun the three of us and you wouldn’t have felt like a third wheel. We could have spent time together while he was away and been the best of friends. I think that would have been enough to prove to you that there are good people out there and your happiness would have attracted someone amazing and you’d have fallen in love and been able to share that feeling with us. Understand why we were so happy and joined at the hip.”

Nicky grinned and nodded. He loved that Mark was trying so hard to make him feel better. It was cute. “Maybe you’re right. But he knew I fancied him so he probably felt uncomfortable introducing me.”

“Everyone fancied him. It wouldn’t have mattered. He fucking loved the ego boost cause he knew he’d never cheat on me and I wasn’t jealous of him.” 

“To be fair I don’t think we had much in common. But I’ve clicked with you so who’s to say I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you and ruined everything?”

“I wouldn’t have given you reason to believe I was attracted to you in any way. We’d have been friends and maybe if Shane had still gone away early I’d have had you to help me through sooner.”

Nicky stroked the trails of tears from Mark’s face with his thumbs and kissed his nose. “I’d have been here for you the second you knew he was trapped.”

“And I’d have used you. I’d have been angry and used you, breaking your heart before we had chance to lay down and die. You’d have hated me.”

“Bullshit. I’d have loved you and revelled in the fact you only had me left to comfort you. I’d have taken advantage of you in your grieving state because I’m selfish and would have wanted you so fucking badly I wouldn’t have stopped at getting in your pants.”  
Mark raised his brow and chuckled. “How ironic. Here we are and you haven’t touched my cock once.”

Nicky blushed and shied away, dipping his head so Mark could kiss his noggin. “I know... funny how things turn out. I’ve never been this nervous around anyone before. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“It’s adorable. You’re adorable.” Mark smiled, lifting Nicky’s chin with his finger. “You really are the cutest little puppy I’ve ever met. So vulnerable and scared to trust but at the same time, begging to be liked and entertained. There’s no need to be nervous around me Nico. I’m not going to judge you. I like you... A lot.”

“I just want my last chance to be perfect... I know I’ll fuck it up and I couldn’t bear to make things awkward.”

“You won’t. Relax OK... It’s gonna be amazing.” Mark closed the gap between them and slipped his tongue into Nicky’s mouth, reminding him how good it tasted to share themselves. He guided the blonde to lay down on the carpet and ran his hand down the slim profile of his body until he reached for his thigh and hitched it over his own, giving him the opportunity to squeeze the little tushy behind him. “You are so beautiful.”

Closing his eyes to enjoy the moment, Nicky relaxed into the curves of Mark’s body. The heat of the fire was burning his feet and the warmth radiating off the wolf’s belly was causing him to sweat. “You’re so hot!”

“Tell me about it. I need you to undress me.”

“I... Mark...” Too late. Mark’s lips were around his neck again. The sneaky fucker knew how to get him hard now and was persistent in trying for a reaction. “Mmm, you’re a twat.” He wriggled as his semi grew tighter and bigger under his jeans. “Don’t... Ah god.” Bingo. Stiff within seconds. Mark was good at this.

“Nix... I want you to touch me.”

“I don’t know how to... Ah fuck. Please stop.” He was pushing his hips hard against Mark’s now as his throbbing erection begged to be played with. 

“I’ll stop when you touch me. Give me your hand.” Mark felt around for Nicky’s fingers and dragged them down to his waist, opening up the gap between them to slide their hands into place. “Just hold me Nix. I need to feel your hand on me.”

He took a gulp as his hand shook, as if he was a virgin touching another man’s tackle for the first time. Mark guided his palm to wrap his fingers around his shaft, over his joggers to begin with. “God you’re hard.”

Mark sniggered and gently pressed his lips on the nervous blonde’s. “Take it Nix. Tell me how it feels.”

“Good, it... It feels good.” 

“Open your eyes baby. It’s just me.”

Nicky’s sparkling blues sank deep into the brunette’s and he suddenly found the courage to take hold as Mark bit his bottom lip. “Jesus... You’ve got girth.” He sniggered. “Gonna rip me in half.”

“No I won’t. You’ll be surprised how gentle a big lump like me can me... But not now. Just wanted you to feel it.” He rolled his eyes into the back of his head and sucked his lip harder as Nicky’s hands glided up and down the fabric of his sweat pants. “Ah Nix you have no idea how good it feels to have someone else touch me again. Someone new.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long. Don’t know what I was afraid of, mmm...” he was quickly shut up again as Mark’s tongue reached his, deep inside the walls of his mouth, swirling a tornado of lust as he thrust his hips to encourage Nicky’s grip to stroke harder. “God I want you.”

“I want to feel your hand on my skin. I want you to... Ah just like that.” 

Nicky’s hand was already inside his trousers before he could finish begging, his finger tips stretching down to the base before twisting his palm back round to grasp him tight, the tip already oozing with pre-cum. Mark was in heaven. Nicky’s hands were bigger than Shane’s so it took less time to slide it up and down and it somehow made him feel smaller but the sensation of someone else’s hand wanking him off was enough to drive him crazy in seconds. 

“Bite me Mark. I wanna come with you.” 

He didn’t need any genital contact for that, Mark already knew that much so he leaned in enough to nibble the blonde’s neck just where he liked it until they were both ready. The sweat was pouring off Mark’s forehead as he nuzzled into Nicky, his arm pits drenching his hoody and feet burning by the fire. The approaching orgasm was almost too much as he felt like a ball of fire about to explode into a thousand pieces. He thrust his hips as Nicky built up his momentum and bit down hard on his neck, causing a painful screech at the same time as a satisfying groan while Nicky’s body shook, soaking his jeans with spunk from the inside as Mark jizzed all over him from the outside. 

The younger boy collapsed in a slithering wreck of hot, sticky, sweaty mess as he detached his suctioned lips from Nicky’s bruised neck. Trying to catch his breath he coughed and panted and gave the blonde a grateful smile. 

“What the fuck were you waiting for? I can’t even toss myself off that well.”

“Really? That was so hot but my neck is killing.” He gave it a rub back into shape and hissed at the soreness not far from bleeding. 

“Thought you wanted it rough?”

“Thought you were gentle... Felt good though. I’m sweating now.” 

“You are?! Christ, I’m dripping... But thank you. It felt incredible. You had no reason to worry... I can’t wait for more.” Just as he was about to give a gentle kiss, he sprung back and coughed into his fist again. “Sorry, excuse me while I go clean up.” 

Walking to the bathroom, he pulled the hoody over his head and threw it in the wash basket. He sprayed some more deodorant and stared at himself in the mirror. He was relieved not to see Shane stood behind him with a disappointed frown on his face but after another splutter into the basin a frown of his own formed, his lips dropping at the corners as his eyelids lowered to a close.

“Not yet.” He broke, barely a whisper. As he heard footsteps up the stairs, he quickly rinsed the sink and took a swill of mouthwash to mask the disturbing taste in his mouth. “Not enough time for a shower buddy. The water will be off in a minute or two.” 

“I’m going to get changed and take a nap if that’s alright with you? The fire’s made me sleepy.” Nicky watched from the door frame as Mark patted his mouth dry on a towel. “Have a cigarette.”

“Sure thanks. Sleep well.” He kissed the blonde’s cheek as he squeezed passed, making his way downstairs after scrambling under the bed for a new pack of Mayfair. 

Nicky watched in silence as Mark practically ignored him, leaving him alone in the bedroom without another word spoken. “Huh, fuck sake!” he whittled to himself during an inward breath, worried Mark was regretting their moment already. 

He made himself a coffee and sat down to his laptop taking one last scroll through emails of interest. He’d received a goodbye note from his parents wishing him the best of luck but it broke him. It had been sent earlier that morning with the promise his mammy was going to disconnect the internet so they could see out the end the way they grew up. It felt like a dagger to his heart, the cold rush of blood seeping from his veins making him feel light headed. He’d already said his goodbye and love yous but now he’d read the last of the written words it hurt. He really was cut off from his family now and Nicky was all he had left.

He scrolled down his unread list. Line after line of junk from department stores and websites he’d signed up to until he noticed an email dated 5 weeks ago. He swore blind it hadn’t been there back then because he was checking his account daily so he clicked to open the mail from a guy called Tony with the subject matter of Shane’s goodbye. He thought it would be related to the article in the magazine so he went on to read it and came face to face with the truth. 

“What the... 'Good day Mr Feehily, my name is Tony Stockton, I’m a security guard at' blar blar blar... No. No, no, oh god.” Mark’s hands covered his mouth as he read the paragraph stating this man was present at Shane’s suicide and that the following information was up for reading if he wanted to learn the truth. “Oh god.” Boiling tears gushed from his sockets as he contemplated reading on. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to know now. He sniffed and wiped his face on his sleeve and took a moment to compose himself. “Fuckety fuck fuck fuck... I have to. I have to know.” He shrugged and refocused on the page though the screen was glazed by his glassy eyes holding back floods. 

'... security guard at the studio at which your partner Shane spent his last moments. I feel it is my responsibility to send you this information in a hope it reaches you with some answers. As much as I can tell at least. If you’d rather not know the finer details of Shane’s last words and how he took his own life please stop reading now... I don’t know if you’ll get to read the article my colleague is working on, Shane’s last interview, so if you don’t please accept my apologies as I am not aware exactly what was said but I do know their conversation ended abruptly when Shane suffered a breakdown. I found the chap in the men’s and thought I’d managed to calm him down...'

The email went on to explain what was said between them in the restroom and how he’d made the mistake of offering Shane his gun. He was honest and truthful, taking the blame for his part in the incident and profusely apologised throughout the message. He repeated what Shane had said about how he felt empty without Mark and how he needed time to be sure he was looked after and guided before his time came. He told Mark what Shane wanted to say to him given the chance; just close your eyes and you’ll be here with me, look to the stars and I’ll be watching over you. His stomach was in knots. He learnt how the only thing Shane cared about and spoke of before he died was him. His eyes were blood shot as he cried harder than he’d ever cried before. His ribs ached as he keeled over with shattering heart ache, imagining his love desperately contemplating his next move. It was too much to take but he was so close to the end, he had to read the ending.

“Shane no... Oh god you fucking idiot!” he shouted at the monitor as the image of his head blown, broken body of a near fiancé filled his imagination. He swung the laptop round, away from sight and screamed into a cushion to muffle his shrieking cry from waking Nicky. His entire body was shaking as he slid down to the floor, drawing his knees to his chest as his breathing lost control. Soon hyperventilating again, Mark tried to retain his tears as he smacked his head with his knuckles while his fingers formed solid fists. “No, no... Why?! A fucking gun, a fucking gun, you stupid bastard. You stupid... God I love you so much, how could you do this to me? Why did you do this? You were perfect, my perfect Shane... Blowing your smart brains out like that. What the fuck man?” 

Mark’s body was a curled up, shivering ball of tears as he rested his head on the carpet and suffered his panic attack for 5 more minutes, fighting to regulate his breathing again. He wished he’d never read that bloody email now. He wished he’d never been sent it. He’d found his own peace to deal with his loss and hadn’t wanted the gory details but they’d been sent and therefore felt he needed to know. Now the last image of Shane had was going to be his mind’s interpretation of how Tony had described Shane’s splattered shell.  
He hadn’t realised but within moments of calming his breathing, he’d fallen asleep clasping his knees to his chin, in a ball on the floor. His eyes were soaked, drying with a crusty snail trail down his nose and cheek. Nicky hadn’t heard his outburst and when he decided half an hour had been enough to refresh, he thought it was awfully quiet so he crept down the stairs in an attempt not to wake Mark in case he was napping too. He peered into the lounge and saw the monitor still bright with the email open. As he approached and heard snoring he assumed the boy was sleeping on the sofa so he stepped towards the laptop to be nosey but noticed the bundle of curled up wolf on the floor. He thought it was an odd way to sleep so before waking him, Nicky perched on the edge of the seat to discover the truth. 

'In a second I saw him place the barrel in his mouth I knew there was nothing I could do. I begged him not to do it but in a split second he pulled the trigger and the power behind it catapulted him off the edge of the roof and he fell to the ground. I couldn’t look but I heard the screams. I fell to the ground and fractured my left knee cap as I hit the ground in regret. There was a moment where I’d have pulled a bullet on myself had I had another gun. I wanted to die right there and then too. Shane’s love for you was beyond anything I’ve ever felt or heard of myself and I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. I hope he gets his wish to guide you into a peaceful rest yourself and if whatever this is doesn’t get that far, please live on knowing no one can ever love you more than the man that took his life because he couldn’t stand another second without you.’  
Nicky finally took a deep breath as he muffled an outburst of tears into the cuffs of his jumper sleeves. 

“Shit.” He crouched down to Mark’s level and softly stroked his hair. “Mark... Are you OK?”

The sparkle in his eyes had gone, the life and spirit faded from his smile. He adjusted his focus to see Nicky blinking back tears and uncoiled his body to sit up straight against the bottom of the couch. “What’s wrong sweetheart?” he reached his hand to Nicky’s cheek and stared blankly at him. “Why are you crying?”

“Me?! Fuck Mark, I’m so sorry.” His eyes flickered over to the laptop before closing in regret. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What?” Mark looked over his shoulder and realised Nicky had read the email. “I’ve only just found it myself. I think I had a panic attack and fell asleep.”

“Why didn’t you shout me? For fuck sake. You didn’t need to go through that on your own. When did you receive it? Have you been ignoring it all this time?”

“No of course I haven’t. Do you think I’d torture myself all this time wondering if I’d known 5 bastard weeks ago before every fucker else knew? It’s only just shown up. It’s dated the day he did it. The day of the interview Nicky. He didn’t waste another breath without me.” He broke down again, grabbing Nicky’s shoulders to cry on. “How could he shoot himself like that? Just blow his own fucking head off like that. How could anyone do that Nix? Falling into a broken heap of bones, I... He couldn’t breath without me. He loved me that much he... Fucking hell.”

“Shit... I’m so sorry Mark. I’m so sorry.” Nicky wept as he held Mark tight in his arms, his chest feeling the wetness of Mark’s river cascading from his sore eyes. The pair sat for what felt like hours, sobbing at the mental image of Shane’s dead body sprawled across an American sidewalk, traumatising everyone that saw him. “Do you need more time alone?”

“No!” he was quick to reply, grabbing Nicky’s arms tighter. “No please don’t leave me. I need you to hold me... To cuddle me and tell me everything is going to be alright even if it’s not.”

“It will be, I’m here for you. I promise I’m never going to leave you. I promise I won’t go first, I’ll hold on until you can’t any longer. You will never be alone again I swear.” Nicky kissed his head and squeezed him close to his chest as he tried to control his own emotions. Feeling needed and wanted this much was new to him but it killed him that it was over such shitty circumstances. But he was wanted never the less and it made him feel special. 

“Sorry I’m such a mess. It was just a shock ya know?” 

“No shit. It made me cry so it’s no surprise how hard it hit you. How are you feeling about it now you know the full story?”

“Devastated he had the courage to do it. Guilty that he felt so useless without me... I know how much he meant to me but I don’t think I realised just how much he depended on me to keep his head above water. It’s my fault he died Nicky.”

“Don’t be stupid, of...”

“It is! If he hadn’t loved me so much he wouldn’t have done it. I made him think he couldn’t go another day without...”

“No, don’t you dare blame yourself for this. I don’t wanna hear it. You are an amazing person but you did not influence him to do that. It’s not your fault he couldn’t handle another...”

“Of course it’s my fault.” He continued to argue the toss, pulling back to scorn the blonde. “My gorgeous Shane... I made him feel that way. I loved him and took his life into my hands and he... You don’t get it.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a kid Mark. What happened is a fucking tragic, horrible, heart breaking thing but I know it is not your fault. So you loved him and showed him he was everything to you but he died for you, not because of you. Maybe you were right the first time, maybe you did see him again because he brought me here and he’s doing everything he can to ensure you’re never in that position.”

“It wasn’t real. What I saw wasn’t real Nicky. It was just my mind playing tricks on me. I’m never going to see him again. Not now, not when I’m dead... He’s gone and I have to live with that guilt. I can’t... I can’t carry that on my shoulders. I don’t deserve to be happy again, I don’t deserve to care about anyone else or have them love me because I broke him.”

“No, that’s not true. Listen to me, please... Mark, you’re everything to me now. I need you. I want to be with you and let you pour all that love you have for him on me just like you said you would. I want you to save me from feeling hopeless and alone and you’re the best person for the job. It’s your last purpose in life to share your amazing personality and love with me... I’m not trying to make this about me but I won’t let you punish yourself for this and believe you deserve nothing. You made Shane’s life perfect. He might have died scared but he was so happy with you, he couldn’t possibly live a second more without you because you’re incredible. Everything you did for him Marky... I wish there was more people like you in this world because maybe then I’d have found someone to make me just as happy as Shane was.”

Mark looked up at the older boy, being all cute and fluffy again. How could such a broken, lonely boy be so wise and full of faith with kind, warm words at a time like this? “So fucking cute.” He mumbled, breaking a smirk.

“What?... Are you listening to me?”

“How can I not? I love the sound of your voice, I could listen to you talk for hours and never get sick of it. You should be on radio or something. It doesn’t matter what you say it’s always calming... But hearing what you just said Nix... I know you’re right but it doesn’t take away the guilt I feel. I know I’m freaking out and blaming myself because I need someone to blame. I don’t want to be angry with him. I loved him, I don’t want to hate him now.”

“So don’t think about it. It’s done now. There’s no point being angry with anyone because there won’t be any justice for it. No one wins Mark. Everyone has the same destiny and if it wasn’t for that, Shane would still be alive. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. You’re just in shock by the details. You weren’t blaming yourself 2 days ago so why now?”

“I know, I’m sorry.” He huffed and dried his face.  
“Thanks... Just ignore me I didn’t mean to drag you down. Not today.”

“Why not today? What’s so special about today?”

“You... Us.” Mark cupped both of his hands over Nicky’s and smiled. 

“I don’t understand. You mean because I finally pulled my finger out? That was special?”

“It wasn’t for you?! It felt like a pretty big deal to me after the nerves you were having.”

“Well yeah I guess it was a good thing but why are you making it into a big deal? Compared to this it’s nothing.”

“Oh god, I knew this would happen.” Mark regretfully sighed. “Nicky... I’m sorry I broke down over Shane and that fucking email I should have read weeks ago but it doesn’t change everything I’ve spent the last few days telling you... I said you were fucking cute because you are. Hearing that you need me and want me now, that I’m important to you too... That didn’t go unheard ya know. I am here for you and that hasn’t changed just because I’m angry with him. In fact I’m glad you’re here making me see sense. If I’d read that the day I should have got it, I wouldn’t be here right now. I’d be gone already.”

“Like Romeo and Juliet. You’re a hopeless, tragic romantic.”

“Ha-ha, You’re such a beautiful person Nicky and I’d be a wreck without you. Thank you.” He reached one hand to Nicky’s stubbled cheek and softly pressed lips onto his. “Never doubt how wonderful you are.”

“You’re a psycho do you know that?” the blonde sniggered. “You go from anger and self pity to happy and gorgeously sweet talking in the same breath. You’re more crazy than I am.”

“Yeah I know.” He chuckled with a shrug. “Like I say, you’re calming. Anyway, I’m going to have a smoke. I think I need one after that. Can you turn my laptop off for me please, I don’t want to see it.”

“Sure, no worries.” He helped Mark to his feet and made sure he was steady. “You OK?”

“Yeah I’m fine now. Thanks... Nix...”

“Yeah?” he looked up as he stepped over towards the appliance.

“I erm... Just, thanks. I really appreciate your patience. You’re great.”

Nicky grinned as he saw the twinkle begin to shine in Mark’s eyes again. “Anytime.”  
***

The church was almost as silent as the graveyard. Once full of innocent lives, dazed and lingering in the last hours of their fight as they bowed and prayed on bended knee for comfort as they pass. There was no priest now to preach as he lay peacefully by the font having served his last sermon before God in the early hours of that same morning. Samaritans and street folk, slept forever in the pews, many leaning forward in the praying position as they hoped to be sent to heaven, others having begged for forgiveness for their sins in an attempt to avoid hell. Hell couldn’t be worse than this. The sound of gasps as people struggled to take their last breaths in waking states gave shivers to those clinging on through whistling wheezes, just waiting to die. The only smell was now the slowly decaying of the deceased as the front doors of the church remained bolted. Just two people with a matter of hours left, desperate to sacrifice themselves but too afraid of the consequences.

Mark’s cigarettes had never tasted so good. The menthol tip was a refreshing tingle that masked the disturbing aftertaste of blood and phlegm in his throat. It helped to calm him down too but he continued to beat himself up, embarrassed by his outburst. Nicky was right of course. It wasn’t his fault and had he received the details on time, he’d be over it by now. He couldn’t let it get to him now. He had Nicky and he was happy to wrap his arms around the blonde, not because he felt he had to trick him into loving him but because he genuinely liked the boy. Sweet, cute Nicky.  
The rest of the day passed slowly as the couple snuggled on the sofa to watch movies in silence. Mark clung onto Nicky tighter than ever and enjoyed his man’s long fingers stroking his soft, dark hair as he drifted in and out of sleep throughout their movie marathon. He barely noticed the blonde’s constant sniffles after a while, unsure if he was crying or getting a cold. It was just a cold but there was no telling if it was mist related.

Nicky kissed Mark’s head before reaching forward for the toilet roll on the coffee table to blow his nose. “I always get colds, there’s no black dust in it look, I’m fine.”

“Good.” He cleared his throat wanting to throw up himself but didn’t want to give anything away. “Just nipping to the bathroom.” 

He slipped away and closed the door behind him, coughing immediately into a towel to muffle the sounds. It was going to be hard to hide but he scrambled around in the medicine cabinet above the sink and found some cough medicine. Wasn’t much point in taking it but it had soothing qualities which he figured might ease the pain. The water was off now so as he remembered he took to the toilet bowl and hurled up several clumps of dark matter deep from his lungs. This confirmed enough for Mark that it wasn’t the lack of cigarettes bringing up the mucus. It was definitely work of the Black Mist-ery. It had taken hold of him and realising this was the beginning of the end was too much for him. How come Nicky seemed so fine? Was he hiding something too? He looked himself in the mirror and saw the grim reaper on his shoulder. How long he had left he didn’t know. 

Once he was confident his fit was over, he flushed the chain and topped the cistern up with water from the pop bottle he left by the plunger. He was so tired now despite his snoozing but he didn’t want to waste time sleeping when he could be laughing with or kissing Nicky. He was always susceptible to caffeine so he planned to neck a couple of espressos before cracking open a bottle of vodka. Nicky had wanted to start on his whiskey hours ago but he’d resisted so Mark thought it’d be a good distraction. 

By the time Mark made it to the kitchen Nicky was already whipping up some dinner. There was no need to ask if the home owner liked what he was making because he’d been the one to do the food shop so it wouldn’t make much sense if he didn’t like Spaghetti Bolognese. The mince had been in the fridge since Nicky arrived but it’d been fresh so was still in date. They’d heard that the electric could falter by the next day so he wanted their last decent meal to be special. All the right ingredients were there and he wanted no help so Mark sat himself on the worktop close by and watched the man at work. 

“You’re so cute when you’re concentrating.” Mark chuckled at the focused frown on Nicky’s face as he browned off the meat. “Shane barely ever cooked. He enjoyed it and he was good but he either wasn’t here or I cooked for him so he could chill. It’s nice having someone cook for me.”

“No problem. Except I don’t usually allow annoying distractions in my kitchen so think yourself lucky.”  
“Ha-ha charming. It’s my bloody kitchen! How can I help?”

“Get out of my way and shut up.” Nicky grinned, slapping Mark’s hand as he tried to pick up the sauce jar to read. “Just... Get! Bake a cake or something for dessert if you want.”

“May as well make a batch and use as many ingredients as I can while I can, suppose. Gives us something to gauge on later. But first...” Taking Nicky by surprise, Mark grabbed him by his waist and dragged him close to stand between his legs. 

“Hey, it’ll burn!” he protested.

“No it won’t.” He reached across to slide the pan off the hob for just a minute so the mince didn’t spoil. “Nix, you’re wonderful.”

“Thanks. So are you.”

“No I really mean it. The way you described yourself the first day is nothing like you. I don’t know who you think you are but it’s not a patch on the amazingly sweet, thoughtful, caring and wise Nico I already know. I’m really struggling to understand how you’ve been alone for so long.”

Nicky blushed at the compliments being thrown at him. He wasn’t used to it, especially not from gorgeous experienced men like Mark. “Maybe the problem wasn’t me after all. Maybe I just never met the right guys... There’s not many like you free to give me a chance.”

“Shane would have been incredibly lucky to have you on his arm.”

“If he’d been single and interested. But he’s not you. I click with you not him. I’d have broken his heart once I’d found you. Shane was just about the looks and talent for me. But you’re everything Mark... Everything I’ve ever dreamed of and I know I can die happy now because I’ve found that perfect person even if I don’t get to be with him for long.”

How long is not long enough? How long until he’d have to find out?

“When I said I was going to make you fall in love with me I didn’t think it’d be easy. I didn’t even believe I had the time to try.”

“We’ve been in each others pockets for long enough now and I’m not bored yet.” Nicky smiled, rubbing his hands back and forth up Mark’s thighs. “You didn’t exactly have to try hard anyway.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been so up and down. It’s a lot to take in in such a short period of time. I wouldn’t have been any calmer with Shane here so you’re doing a grand job of holding me up. Thank you.”

“I wish I’d been able to help from the start. A month is a long time to manage on your own. I don’t know how I could have made a difference but I’d have tried.”  
Mark stroked his cheek and smiled. “I wish you’d got here sooner too... My angel.”

“Mark you will tell me when you start feeling bad right? I don’t get why I feel fine. Shouldn’t we be coughing up blood by now?”

“I don’t know.” He hung his head with guilt, hiding the fact he did know because he already was coughing blood. “Everyone is going to react differently I guess depending how strong you are to begin with. Like I said, I’m a smoker so it’ll hurt me first.”

“The coughing... You are alright though aren’t you?”

“Yeah of course. It’s nothing to worry about. Come here.” He leaned in to give the pretty boy a kiss and then slid down from the unit. “I’m not going anywhere yet. I promise.” 

It wasn’t under his control but he believed he still had time. The boys had a cuddle for a moment and it felt like they’d been together forever. So comfortable in each others arms, moulding into one figure. Mark may have wanted to marry Shane and never saw his life with anyone else but this blonde, cutie was something else. Now he’d lost Shane and found Nicky he believed had the world not been about to end, he could easily have carried on and been just as content with the Dubliner. Mark was the kindest, most considerate, compassionate, forgiving and open minded person in Sligo and despite not being the best looking, the fittest or the sexiest man alive, physical appearance meant nothing because his personality shone so bright, he was beautiful on the outside because of it. He was cute and cuddly and wasn’t unattractive at all, his big smile that made his eyes dance lit up the room and his strong arms were inviting and comforting which in the eyes of anyone that wasn’t shallow, was the perfect amount of sexy. 

It was midnight and the news channel had bid it’s final farewell to Ireland. A minimal amount of production staff had committed to staying at work for as long as possible to deliver the updates nationwide but it was now time for them to settle back in their own homes to rest in peace. How they’d manage to drive in the conditions outside was anyone’s guess but everything had to come to an end and as a result all digital channels were disconnected and a TV was now just for show or the monitor use of DVDs while the electric power remained. 

The boys had watched as the last broadcast ended and the screen went black. It was the another frightening realisation and neither knew what to say about it. Words failed them as they smiled at each other in silence; Mark squeezing Nicky’s hand as a sign of comfort. 

“Well... That’s that then.” Mark hung his head. “Music?” Nicky nodded in a daze. “I’ve got an old ghetto blaster that runs on batteries for when the Lecky goes. So we don’t have to sit in silence.”

“Cool.” Nicky muttered staring into space. He lifted his glass of whiskey to his lips and paused for a second.  
“Mark?”

“Yeah?” he turned to see the pale skin of the blonde’s cheeks. “Are you OK?”

“I don’t feel right.”

“What do you mean? Sick?” Nicky shook his head. 

“What then?”

He slowly moved his head to look at Mark as he turned the volume up on the stereo so they could hear Black Eyed Peas playing then sat back down to his man.  
“Cold... Empty.”

“You’re probably in shock babe. I’ll get you some water.” Rushing to pour some filtered water into a clean glass he offered it to Nicky but saw him shaking. 

“Breath for me Nix. You might just be feeling the beginning of a panic attack. Do you feel dizzy?” he nodded even though he was sat down on the sofa, his vision was going cloudy and the outside corners of the room were disappearing. “Lay down and take a deep breath. Concentrate on your breathing. In for 3, out for 3, that’s it. Close your eyes if you need to. Nothing is going to happen, I’m right here.”

“Scared... Numb hands.” 

“Yeah I know the feeling... It’s gonna pass. Have you ever had an attack before?” Nicky shook his head. “You’re doing great. Just keep breathing.”

It took 15 minutes for Nicky to power through his first anxiety attack. By the end of it he was completely exhausted and tearful. “Is this what happened to you?”  
“Pretty much. I’ve had two in less than a week. Doesn’t get easier... Suppose it does over time when you learn to control it but it’s still scary. How are you feeling now?”

“I think I’m going to go to bed. I just want to sleep.”  
“Come on, I’ll carry you.” Mark swept Nicky into his arms and carried him to the bedroom where he helped to undress the weary boy and tuck him up under the covers, placing another cup of water on the bedside. “Want me to lay with you?”

“That’d be nice. Will you sing to me?”

Mark chuckled to himself. “You want a bedtime lullaby my little angel?” he joked, taking the piss. 

“Fuck off.” Nicky smirked, turning over to face the middle of the bed. 

Mark wasn’t particularly tired now but he shuffled next to the sleepy blonde and rested his hand on his waist, staring at the droopy, flickering eyelids on the pillow next to him. “I still can’t get over how stunning you are.”

“Thanks. Someone once said I’d make a beautiful woman if I shaved and put on some lipstick.” His nose twitched as the corner of his mouth formed an embarrassed grin. 

“You’d make someone a beautiful bride.” Mark giggled.  
“If only I had the chance.” He whispered a reply, close to tears. 

“I’d have married you.” Mark admitted with a straight face as Nicky opened his eyes in time to see. 

“Whatever.”

“I’m serious... And you wouldn’t be a consolation prize either.”

“Right. Well let’s say I believe you... How would you propose?”

“I’ll have a think about it and let you know.” Mark smiled, moving his hand to stroke Nicky’s cheek, full of colour again. “We’d be so happy together.”

“We are happy together aren’t we?”

“Yeah but, ya know. For the long haul... Buy a better place to live in together, you could work whatever job you wanted, we’d get a dog; a pug and a Labrador, we’d get married somewhere exotic so you could walk around half naked all day and I could stare at you... We’d have everything we ever wanted.”

“Sounds nice... I’d live in a cardboard box if it meant I was with you.”

“You’d want for nothing Nix. I’d give you everything you ever asked for.”

“You already do... Did you ever talk about having kids?”

“Yeah once or twice. Until his career was over there was no point though. He wanted to be a full time dad. What about you?”

“Couldn’t find a husband let alone worry about weddings and kids. Never crossed my mind really but yeah, I’d love to have had a baby some day. You’d be an amazing dad.”

“So would you... And an amazing husband... My husband.” Mark leaned in to kiss Nicky’s nose but he lifted his head in time to catch his lips. “I mean it. I’d never let you go.”

“I wish we had forever.” Nicky rested his forehead upon Mark’s and played with the tuft of hair on the back of the brunette’s neck. “I’m so glad I found you before it was too late.”

“It’s never too late baby and I’m right here now. I’ll never get go.”

“Sing to me.” 

Mark kissed his head and laid back thinking of an appropriate tune. “OK... When the visions around you bring tears to your eyes. And all that surrounds you are secrets and lies. I'll be your strength, I'll give you hope, keeping your faith when it's gone. The one you should call was standing there all along. And I will take you in my arms and hold you right where you belong. Til' the day my life is through, This I promise you.”

“N*Sync.” Nicky smiled. “Love it... When I heard you singing outside it gave me goosebumps. You should have made a duo with Shane. I bet your voices together were incredible.”

“We did karaoke a few times and I helped on a few tracks at open mic night before he was big. I think we did alright... Close your eyes and I’ll sing something else.”

“One of Shane’s? Let me judge who sung it better.”  
Mark chuckled and decided which track to chose as Nicky shut his eyes and nuzzled his head back down into the fluffy pillow. 

“He finds it hard to trust someone. he's heard the words 'cause they've all been sung. He's the guy in the corner, he's the guy nobody loved. But I can't, I can't, can't stop thinking about you everyday. And you can't, you can't, you can't listen to what people say. They don't know you baby, don't know that you're amazing but I'm here to stay, I'm here to stay. When you lose your way and the fight is gone, your heart starts to break and you need someone around now. Just close your eyes while I put my arms around you and make you unbreakable.”

When he looked down at the blonde, he noticed the solo droplet escape his tear duct and roll over the bridge of his nose before falling to the pillow. Without saying a word, he leaned down to kiss his silky locks and climbed off the bed. 

Standing over the kitchen sink downstairs, Mark struggled to hold back his own emotions. The music player was still on a low volume but it was Shane’s debut album now and Mark felt a stab to his guts as he listened to the smooth ballad lyrics. The album had been written with him in mind, the songs gushing about how amazing he was and how much love Shane felt for him. The memories were painful. It was almost as if it had all been a dream. That he’d been imagining the whole thing and suddenly woke up to find a blonde boy in his bed instead. He’d never be over Shane but he had come to terms with his passing no matter how much it hurt to admit. But now he had a beautiful sweetheart falling for him he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He didn’t expect to ever love anyone else especially since learning the world was going to end. How could he find time to get over Shane and fall in love with anyone else so quickly? The last 4 days had been intense and his head was throbbing but he knew how his heart worked and he was confused by it. He was dying now, the evidence was being spat down the plughole again so how could he begin to tell Nicky how he felt when he needed to admit he was sick? He’d promised to tell Nicky when he noticed signs but he was too scared to admit it. What could he say? 'I love you Nicky but I could drop dead any minute cause I’m already dying.’ Angry tears filled his eyes and he resorted to kicking the shit out of the cupboard door to let out some frustration until he was too tired to fight. He slid down the side of the unit and coughed as he cried into his knees, his burning tears soaking his PJs. How many more times could his eyes water before they bled instead?  
***

 

*As the pain sweeps through, makes no sense for you. Every thrill is gone, wasn't too much fun at all. But I'll be there for you. As the world falls down.*

 

When morning broke it was still dark. The bedside lamp had gone off and this could only mean one thing. Nicky’s eyes flickered open to see Mark peacefully snoring beside him. He laid staring for some time before he reached his hand under the covers to check for wood. He could feel his own soldier standing to attention but he wanted to check Mark out. Sure enough the sleeping boy’s cock was awake before he was so he took it in his hand and slowly stroked his hand down the shaft. He’d done this so many times to his ex’s that he knew it usually caused a good response. What man wouldn’t want to wake up to a wank in action?

As Nicky’s hand started to build up a rhythm, Mark stirred with a hum. A smile spread across his face as he shuffled and lifted his hips into the massaging touch. “Good morning!”

“It will be.” Nicky whispered, leaning down to kiss him. 

Mark cupped his hand around the blonde’s neck and deepened their kiss as he groaned in pleasure. “Mmm Nix that feels amazing.”

“Touch me?”

“Wanna fuck you.”

“Later... Just... Mmm.” Mark’s hand was there already rubbing the pre-cum over his bellend. “Bite me.”

“Your neck is black enough already.” He stated, softly kissing the bruises instead. 

“Fingers then.” Nicky bit his lip as he thrust his hips into Mark’s wrist action. 

“Let me come inside you Nix.”

“Later.” He repeated himself, grabbing Mark’s hand off his hard-on to suck his fingers. “Please? Stimulate me.” He guided his hand back under the covers, pulling it past his stiffy, begging for Mark to enter him. Although his spit covered fingers didn’t offer much in the way of lube, Mark circled the tips around Nicky’s hole as he enjoyed the wank he was receiving. “Two, c’mon... Ah, fuck yes.”

“That doesn’t hurt?!” Mark asked, surprised by the friction and tightness around his digits. “You’re so fucking tight.”

“Oh Jesus but it feels incredible. Not gonna last. Come with me.” He built up speed with his hand on Mark and pushed his ass deeper onto his fingers until he could feel the pressure on his prostate. “There, fuck... Kiss me.”

Mark couldn’t help but smile at the way Nicky was finally taking control. It was such a turn on being bossed around by the blonde who’d been so shy before now. The teasing had been sexy but when it came to the action itself, Nicky had been too afraid to make the demands, until now, and he was loving every second. He muffled his moaning in Nicky’s mouth as he began to shuffle, pressing harder inside his arse to indicate he was ready and within 5 seconds they were sighing in relief. 

“Ah Nick, you’re the best.”

“Same.” He panted, collapsing back down onto his back once he was detached from Mark’s hand. “Good morning.” He grinned, flashing his teeth. 

“Ha-ha, it was.” Mark smirked, kissing the sweaty forehead falling inches away from him. “So when you said later... Does that mean...”

“We’re staying in bed today... If you want to?”

“Of course I want to. As long as you’re prepared to have your arse split.”

“Not before I’ve pounded you into next week.” Nicky winked before trying to turn the lamp on. “Oh... Great. We’re at that stage then.”

“It’ll be OK. I’ve got plenty of torches and candles. Come here you.” Mark pushed his cum soaked stomach into the older boy’s slimy belly and grimaced at the sound of sticky kisses. “Gross!”

“Ha-ha don’t complain yet. I’m not wearing a condom when I fuck you so get used to being covered.”

“You’re not wearing a condom? Why?” Mark had never slept with anyone unprotected, not even Shane, not even once.

“It doesn’t matter anymore does it? I mean, if you’re still dead against it that’s fine...”

“No I... Guess it doesn’t matter now. Have you ever gone without before?”

“Don’t be stupid, course I haven’t. But it’d be nice to try now we don’t need to worry about contracting anything. If you feel more comfortable wearing one on me I don’t mind.”

“No, it’s OK. I’d love to do it without... With you.” Mark blushed thinking about being naughty. “Like you say, nothing to lose.”

“Bet you never thought you’d go unwrapped with anyone but Shane.”

“Not even with him. Unless he was here instead of you but he still might have been against it. Although saying that he rarely bummed me anyway so I’d be the one without.”

Nicky chuckled and gave Mark a cheeky grin. “Can’t wait.” He snuggled into the crook of the brunette’s neck. “I hope you have plenty of baby wipes for when the water stops. If I keep unloading on my tummy I’m not wasting water every 5 minutes to wipe it off.”

“Ha-ha you’ll just have to cum in my mouth instead then. Less mess.” Mark kissed Nicky’s crown and held his arms around the blonde’s back to keep him warm. He coughed a little in his mouth and cringed as he swallowed the evidence, wincing as his sore throat stung. “Have any good dreams?”

“I did actually. You proposed.”

“Wow I didn’t even have time to plan it in my own head. What happened?”

“I’m going to keep this one to myself. Just know it was perfect... Just like you.”

“Nix... Why were you crying last night before I left the room?”

“I wasn’t.” He quickly denied. “I was listening to your gorgeous voice then you got up and left.” He’d heard the commotion downstairs of Mark breaking the door from its hinges but he didn’t want to mention it. 

“I saw you... I erm... I had a bit of a fit when I went downstairs.” He admitted, knowing it was best to be honest in case Nicky heard and worried he wasn’t being open about it. “Not a panic attack, just a hissy fit I suppose... Nix...”

“I heard. I’m sorry if I had anything to do with it. Not like you need me as a burden on top of everything else.”

“Shut up you idiot. It was about you but not because you’d upset me... Guess I was still angry and... Huh, I don’t know how to say this.”

“Not having any regrets are you?” Nicky sat up to look at him for an honest reply. 

“No! Chill... I just...” he turned on the torch beside the bed to fill the room with a bit of light and shuffled up to bed to sit up against the headboard. As he was about to admit he was suffering he looked at his boy and noticed something alarming. 

“What’s that look for? Have I got a something on my face?”

“Fuck... Your nose has been bleeding. There’s dry blood on your nostril.”

“What?! I’ve never had a nose bleed in my life.” He felt his face to check and peeled the crusty, dry blood from above his lip. “Shit. Does this mean...? But I feel fine.”

Mark shrugged and closed his eyes in dread. “Check the pillow.” He did and saw the fear in Nicky’s eyes as he opened his own. “Nick?”

“Erm, yeah. There’s a pretty big stain. Oh god. I’m dying aren’t I?” A cold rush showered over him, draining the colour from his entire body. “Mark? Tell me the truth. Tell me this is an after effect of a panic attack.”

Mark shook his head with eyes ready to burst. “I’m so sorry Nicky.”

“Fuck.” He sniffed and sat staring into the duvet in utter shock. “It’s bleeding out of me? I’m crumbling inside aren’t I?”

“Don’t... Don’t do this. Don’t panic.”

“Don’t panic?!” he sniggered and licked his lips, biting down hard as he tried not to cry. “Argh. I’m such an idiot. Of course I’m not fine. What made me think I was going to be OK?”

“Nico, please, it’s alright...”

“No it isn’t.” Panicking was all he could do. “It’s not alright for me. I’m fucking bleeding out. It might be alright for you but...”

“No it’s not alright for me.”

“Really?! Cos I don’t see your insides plastered all over your pillow.”

Mark shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing as his bottom lip trembled. “I was about to...” he coughed. “about to tell you...” he coughed again, causing Nicky to listen.

“Mark? Mark! When?” Once he’d finished his coughing fit and spat in his hand, Nicky grabbed his fist to see for himself. “No... You lied to me didn’t you?” Silence. “Didn’t you?!” he yelled. 

“I’m sorry. I was scared... It was yesterday. I found blood and dust in the sink. I didn’t know how to tell you but I was about to right now, I swear.”

“Right... so when you promised to tell me when you knew, you were lying to my face? How could you do that?”

“You were terrified and I was emotional myself. I wasn’t sure at first...”

“Liar! You told me it was because you’d not had a cigarette but you knew... I can’t believe this.”

“Why are you being so melodramatic? I’ve said sorry and told you I was about to tell you. Yesterday was fucked up enough for me without having to face the fact I’m choking to death and I have to tell you too.”

“So letting me know you’re sick wasn’t a priority? The only person left in your life didn’t deserve to know the truth the second you knew?” Nicky was within his right to be upset but he really was being a little over dramatic but who wouldn’t be when they discover they’re finally on their last legs? He rubbed his hands over his face and hair before shaking his head at Mark in disapproval. “I know I’m not as important to you as Shane was but he’s not here Mark, I am. And although I totally understand why you freaked out, I just don’t get how you think it’s OK to put my feelings last.”

“Last?!” Mark shook his head and chuckled. “You think I put your feelings last?” Climbing to his knees, he sat in front of Nicky and held his neck tight, unintentionally gripping his sore spots. “You did not come last do you hear me?”

“Could have fooled me.” The blonde ruffled his nose and gave the dirtiest look he could while almost chewing his own tongue.

“Nicky don’t you understand how scared I was? Everything else that happened yesterday was magnified because I knew that was it for me and I knew how terrified you were of losing me... I didn’t know what to say. I’m sorry... Telling you was the hardest thing to deal with. I didn’t want to hurt you or scare you and the truth is... I don’t wanna lose you and by admitting I’m on my way out, it means you’re losing me and if you feel the same way as I do, I... please forgive me Nix.”

“We’re both on our way out now so I suppose it doesn’t matter. It’s just the principle Mark. I thought I could trust you to be honest.”

“Fuck sake, I’m sorry, I thought I was doing the right thing. This isn’t me Nicky. My head is completely wrecked right now, I’m not thinking straight but at the time I genuinely thought it was best and clearly I was wrong.”

“Fine. It’s fine... I’m used to it.” Nicky fell back into his old habits and tugged Mark’s hands off his injuries, hissing as he sat aside to rub the circulation back into his neck. 

“No, don’t do that, that’s not fair. Don’t play the fucking victim and make out I’m like all the arseholes you’ve ever known. I am not trying to hurt you, I’m trying to protect you.”

“Well hiding something this serious isn’t protection alright? I’d rather know the truth and be upset than end my life as a lie like the pathetic, empty, fake life I’ve always had.”

“Calm down for god sake! How many times do you want me to say sorry?”

“I don’t want you to be sorry about anything that’s the fucking point... Jesus!” Nicky took a deep breath and flopped down face first into his pillow, groaning at the stupid argument that hadn’t been needed in the first place. “Just forget it, it doesn’t even matter.”

“Nicky please don’t be mad at me. I don’t know what to do.” He sighed which was followed by a coughing fit, forcing him to the bathroom to spit. 

There was no change in the consistency of Mark’s mucus but the sensation up his throat was razor sharp and the splats of blood in the bowl were thicker. His eyes watered as he tried to sip from a glass in an attempt to sooth the raw pain. Nicky had it easy, he didn’t even know he’d been leaking in the night and once the blonde got up to witness the mess in the basin, he was thankful for it. Waiting in the doorway to take a piss, the blonde regretfully watched Mark hurl his guts up. It wasn’t pretty and he felt ashamed of himself for giving him a hard time. 

“Mark I’m sorry. Are you OK?”

“Do I look OK?” Mark snapped and took a deep breath, finally having cleared his lungs for now. “Bathrooms all yours. Please fill up the cistern bottle when you’re done.” He shoved passed Nicky, grabbing his dressing gown on his way downstairs to light the fire so they could boil some water for a coffee. 

Nicky rolled his eyes and sat on the edge of the bed, picking dirt from under his finger nails as he replayed the argument in his head. Of course he understood why Mark hadn’t immediately told him the truth, it was painful to hear and had he discovered the blood on his own face and pillow himself, he probably wouldn’t have been so quick to admit it either. But it was real and it was happening. His lungs were rotting and his heart was breaking. He was one of the lucky ones not to be vomiting violently, curled up in bed as his head pounded but the silent symptoms scared him even more. He’d always suffered with poor circulation and bruised easily; despite never remembering a nose bleed before he knew the reason behind this one. And worse of all he’d ruined the mood so the day he’d hoped for, finally shagging the wolf man was now in jeopardy. 

'What did he mean by, if you feel the same way as I do?' The blonde frowned overthinking everything that had been said. 'It only hurts so much because I care so much. Who wouldn’t care that this perfect man is dying? I can’t die first. I have to be strong for him.’

The mood had definitely taken a dip by the time Nicky had cleaned himself up and joined Mark in the living room for camp coffee and chargrilled toast. It was bitter sweet as the room was filled with scented candles to offer them some light while Mark shone the brightest torch he had towards the fireplace so he didn’t burn himself. He hated falling out with Nicky and desperately wanted to wrap his arms around the boy but he’d apologised enough and knew it was his turn to wait for things to calm down. 

Just as he finished buttering his slice of bread he heard Nicky’s footsteps. Unable to resist a bitching, Mark spoke without turning his head. “Finished wallowing yet?” he grumbled, holding out a plate of beans on toast. 

Nicky ignored his tone and thanked him for breakfast. “Not bad for someone that hates camping.”

“Boy scouts still came in handy for something.” He broke a smile in an attempt to cheer up. “Not gonna get much better than this I’m afraid.”

“Just as well there’s plenty of cake then.” 

The boys sat quietly for 15 minutes as Mark toasted some bread for himself and tucked into his beans. His throat was sore but he was starving and knew he needed to keep his strength up even if he was to sick it back up in an hour. The Titanic soundtrack tinkling away on the portable stereo wasn’t the best background music to lighten the mood but it calmed them in some way. 

“Nix... I’m scared too ya know?” he said, opening a conversation now they were fed and watered. He was sat by the flames still as Nicky sat on his feet on the sofa. “Nothing we do or say will make this easier but the last thing I want is to blame each other for the way we deal with it. We’ve known each other 4 days, we can’t be expected to get everything right. But I’d never intentionally upset you or do something to hurt you.”

“I know... I’m a jerk for blowing up like that. You’re the one suffering not me. I didn’t have a clue I’d been bleeding so for you to see that... It must have been hard.” He dipped his chin to his chest but looked up through his lashes to see the sadness in Mark’s eyes. “It’s pretty much how I imagined it to be. Dark, cold, silently breathing into a rack of ribs encasing a bloodstained heart... Just bleeding and breaking from the inside out. Waiting to close your eyes and never wake up...” Nicky’s lip trembled as the corners of his eyes dribbled. “I sat on the bed going over all the mistakes I’ve made and how I could change things if I had another chance... I’d find my parents and spend my whole life making up to them for the grief I caused them. They might not have been innocent either but it was me that pushed them to it... I’d learn to love myself and trust more. Stop suffocating the people that want to enjoy time with me, build my confidence to get back in that sports hall and be an inspiration to all those kids and be proud of who I am. Because it’s OK not to be OK. It’s OK to be gay and it’s OK to be independent and unmarried. I wouldn’t be a failure to myself or my family. Everyone would be proud of me and I’d find inner peace... Because the only person who can love me for who I really am is me.”

Mark raised his brow and nodded as he bit his cheek. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. I think you’re an inspiration. You’re passionate and a fighter Nico. You never gave up hope of eventually being happy. You didn’t just settle for some dickhead, you followed your dreams. Only the best was good enough for you and that doesn’t make you a failure.”

“If that was true then why did I only find comfort in a glass of whiskey? I’ve not been living, I’ve been existing... Yeah I didn’t settle for a prick but I didn’t do anything about attracting the right people either. I’m not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself now but that’s just the way it is and I can’t change it now.”

“Don’t you think that despite not building bridges and getting back to work that there’s at least one thing being offered in the end? One thing you can be thankful for?”

Nicky shrugged as tears dribbled into the gap of his lips, post-nasal drip sticking to his ginger ‘tashe. “I don’t know how I feel anymore. What’s the point in caring?”

“I care... I care that Shane left me, that he killed himself, that he made me realise he’s not the only man on earth worth caring about. I care that you and I have lived totally different lives but that in the end we’re in the same boat, sinking together. I care about who I spend the rest of my life with when I was happy enough to see it through on my own... If I didn’t care about you then why would I have been so fucking scared to tell you I’m dying?”

“I care about you too... I know it’s circumstantial but you’re the only thing I care about now.” Nicky licked his lips and stared at the distraught brunette holding back a fountain of emotion. “I don’t know how I can be strong for you. I’ve only just found you and already I have to prepare to say goodbye. I don’t think I want to feel this way after all. I was better off being ignorant to love. It’s meant to feel good.”

“It does. When you’re not focusing on the negatives.” Mark smirked, feeling his work was done but that Nicky was too afraid to admit how he felt. “Of course it hurts because it feels so good in the first place. You only feel deeply hurt by the people you care about the most. There’s a fine line between love and hate.”

“Yeah I suppose... I guess that’s why I was so pissed off earlier.”

“Because someone you love let you down?”

Nicky stared at Mark. The golden reflection of the fire was glowing on the side of the brunette’s face. A gorgeous picture forcing Nicky to smile. “Can’t stay mad at someone as gorgeous as you can I?”

Mark blushed and chuckled. “This is going to be the hardest thing you’ll ever have done... Watching you break is already killing me.”

The blonde wiped his face on his sleeve and bit his bottom lip as he gazed at Mark. “At least now I know how it feels to be with someone that wants to stick around for me.”

“I want to go together Nix. I can’t handle losing you and being alone again but I hate the thought of going first and leaving you with nothing again. There has to be a way to just... Lay together knowing we’re both safe and... Leaving together.”

“I have no one waiting for me on the other side Mark. If you leave me I’m right behind you.”

Mark crawled across the floor to hug his boy. He wrapped his arms tight around his shoulders and kissed his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere yet. We still have time to enjoy being together. I still need to blow your mind in the bedroom remember.”

“No fear of disappointment there.”

“Ha-ha, I hope not. You’re making me nervous about it now. I don’t want you to think I don’t put you first because everything I do is for you. Remember that.”

“You’re amazing Mark.”

“I fucking adore you right? So get out of your ditch and kiss me so I can take you back to bed and show you just how good love feels.”

“I already know it hurts, you don’t have to shag me to prove that.” Nicky sniggered, moving his hands to stroke Mark’s hair. “But it’s a pain I want to feel with you because I know it’ll be worth it.”

“I’ll be gentle baby. I promise.” He softly kissed the blonde’s purple neck. 

“You’re gonna break my heart I know it.” Nicky whispered, closing his eyes to enjoy the cushions pecking his skin. “God, you make me so hot.”

“I’m gonna make you sweat and beg for it to end. It’s gonna feel so good you won’t be able to control yourself but I’ll carry on until you can’t take it anymore. Time will stand still and we’ll be the only two people on earth.”

“Mmm, need you... Love me.”

Mark had to bite his tongue from saying it but he knew for sure now and he was about to show it, taking Nicky to bed to make him feel on top of the world, covered in sweat, lube and spunk with a heart full of confidence that someone really could love him the way he’d always wanted.  
***

3 hours later the boys laid in bed, sticky as expected following their passionate play time. The intense session had knackered them both out but they’d both continued until every hole had been filled and they couldn’t cum again if they’d tried. Mark starfished in the middle of the bed, still trying to catch his breath as Nicky fell to his side, cuddling up to his naked frame.

“That was incredible.” Nicky said, stroking his finger tips around the sweaty hair on Mark’s chest. “Never felt anything like it.”

“The sex in general or my cock?” Mark laughed, bending his chin down to kiss Nicky’s greasy hair. 

“Both, ha-ha. It was perfect. Thank you.”

“Wish I could do that to you every day, forever... was the best I’ve ever had too.”

“You don’t have to say that...”

“It’s true. Maybe because it might be the last time but... I dunno. It just felt different. Right and... The perfect fit all round. I didn’t want to stop.”

“Me neither... But if I drift away right now and never wake up just know it was the most perfect thing in my life.” He stopped circling his fingers suddenly when he realised his nose felt wet. His body tensed as his breath hitched but Mark noticed. 

“Nick? You OK?” 

“Um, yeah.” He sniffed and prayed he didn’t smell blood but he was disappointed. “Fuck... Mark?” he stayed suctioned to the boys torso and stared across the room into darkness. “I need to tell you something.”

“Are you feeling alright? You seem tense.”

“Bleeding that’s all.” He sniffed again. “But that’s not what I wanted to say.”

“Look at me... Nicky, look at me.” He tried to peel the boys arms from his belly but he was refusing to move. “Hey, come on, it’s OK... Nix, please.”

The blonde huffed before shuffling up the bed to draw his knees to his chest. He turned his head to Mark and let tears fall. “I’m so sorry.”

“What is it honey?”

“You win... You fucking win.” He sobbed through a smile. 

“Win what?! No one’s a winner.” He sat up against his pillows, pulling his feet to his bum, to wipe Nicky’s wet cheeks and blood drops from his nose. “What’s up beautiful?”

“You were right that’s all... About how I’d feel once you... Once that happened.”

“You mean sleeping together? What did I say?”

“Oh come on man... Do I really have to say it out loud?”

“I want you to because if it’s what I think it is then I need to hear you say it.”

“You complete me Mark... I ache inside because it’s taken this long to find out what it feels like to be touched like that by someone that... Someone that proves to me that not all guys are the same... I’m crying cause I’m happy.” He chuckled. “You... You’re the one person I’ve wanted my whole life and in 4 days you’ve managed to understand me and protect me... Just by being you, you’ve... Fuck.” 

Mark’s heartbeat was racing faster than he could keep up with. He could see Nicky’s heart breaking as he poured out his feelings and although he knew what he was trying to say, he listened to every word as he waited on bated breath to hear him say it. “More fool me for thinking it’d be difficult. It wasn’t even a chore.”

“I know you thought it was just a challenge to begin with. A job to please Shane and make me believe what I wanted to believe... But I know it’s not about that. You told me you’d be with me if we had a shot of living and I believed you.”

“Its true. None of this is fake.”

“I know that now. That’s why I can say this and know I’m not being laughed at.”

“I’d never laugh at you Nix.” 

“Just shut up and let me finish.” He grinned.

“You talk too much!” Mark rolled his eyes and kissed him. “I know alright. I know because last night I felt it too and I cried my heart out... Nearly broke my toes first like.” He chuckled, pressing their foreheads together. 

“So why doesn’t it feel good? Why does it ache in places I didn’t know I...”

“Because we don’t get to show the world we found each other. We don’t get to hold to hands in public and laugh at our own crazy dance moves in the club. We don’t get to sign a mortgage or stand in front of our friends and family making a commitment to always fight for each other to be happy... We don’t get to go on adventures and make amazing memories to cherish or look after each on a rainy day.”

“I think we’ve got that one covered at least.” 

“But we know... We feel it and get to leave this crazy world knowing that...” Mark took a deep exhale in through his nose and licked away the tears seeping into his mouth. “I never thought I could feel this way about anyone else after Shane... But here you are. So incredibly beautiful and... Intoxicating... I won alright. I won you.” He broke down even harder now, unable to catch his breath as he nuzzled Nicky’s stained nose, his chest juddering and crackling as he needed to cough. “I can’t even say it.”

“See, not fucking easy is it?” Nicky smiled and kissed Mark’s soaking top lip, tasting his own blood. 

“I’m gonna comfort you babe and make sure this is the easiest way out for you.”

“Mark... You’re perfect.”

“So are you.” Mark tilted his head and pressed their lips together. Both of them were trembling but the embrace calmed them. “My angel.”

“Mark...”

“Don’t... Don’t say it. I can’t... It hurts too much.” Mark was a mess of broken huffs, tears and snot as he grit his teeth and closed his eyes tight. 

“I love you.” Nicky whispered in an outward breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Fuck... I love you too.” 

“Ah, thank god.” Nicky flung his arms around Mark’s neck and forced a real kiss on him, his jaw prizing open his mouth to taste Mark’s tongue on his own. He climbed back on top of his wolf and didn’t let go until they were gasping for air. “Let me show you how much I love you. I need to be inside you again.”

“Oh Nix... You’re determined to make me suffer aren’t you?” he laughed. “Can we at least grab a drink first? I don’t think I have the feeling back in my arse yet.”

“Ha-ha, alright... Lets go finish that Jager so I have the energy to bend you over the couch. I wanna break you.”

“You’re gonna fuck me rough aren’t you?” Mark grinned with a sparkle in his eyes. 

“Too fucking right I am... Hair ripping, nail digging, teeth biting, cock fuckingly rough and you’re gonna scream into the cushion while you cum in my fist. It’s gonna make your nose bleed!” 

“Sounds harsh but I trust you... Got to experience dominance once in your life.”

“You’ve really never had hard, rough sex before? Like, you never fucked Shane after he’d pissed you off?”

“No... I’d have split him if I was rough.”

“Right, well I best teach you a thing or two then cause I want you to crush me and make my neck bleed. I want you to punish me.”

“For what?”

“For breaking you... For cuffing you to the sofa against your will? For being the best fuck you’ve ever had that you can’t breathe afterwards. It’ll be worth it, I promise.”

Mark raised his eyebrows at the proposition and smiled into a brave nod. It wasn’t his style to be rough in the slightest but he enjoyed going vampire on Nicky and loved the blonde’s sex face and the noises he made when he was feeling euphoric before an orgasm. So what if it hurt a bit? His insides hurt already but he wouldn’t have to suffer much longer so the thought of Nicky ripping him to shreds suddenly turned him on. If it was Nicky’s last fantasy to restrain the first man he felt such feelings for, who was Mark to let him down? He was in for a painstakingly good afternoon, and he’d be sore by bed time.  
***

The clock read 7.38pm but it could have been 2am yesterday or 3pm tomorrow for all they cared. Mark threatened to take the batteries out of the ticking device again as they snuggled under the blanket in their drunken, shagged out state. He was hand feeding Nicky lemon sponge cake, picking off a bit at a time while the blonde wrapped his arms and legs around him, his back against the cushions of the sofa. No point in showering. The water was black now anyway even though it was flowing the last time they checked. Not now though. Wasn’t worth infecting the air with the particles gushing out the tap. They stank sweaty and dirty but neither of them cared. They often got a whiff of a scented candle to delight what was left of their senses. They were peckish now though and cake wasn’t really filling them up. 

“My jaw is aching, stop feeding me cake!” Nicky laughed. 

“You’re the one that wanted choking. Told you I couldn’t come anymore.” The 69 had been enjoyable but they were so dehydrated there was very little saliva in Nicky’s mouth and definitely no semen left in Mark’s testicles to orgasm an end to it. “You were trying for a long time after I’d finished you off.”

“You were on the bottom, you had better access to my arse.”

“Ha-ha, so? Sorry I just couldn’t manage another drop. You’ve exhausted me you fucking nympho.”

“Dude, I could die any minute of heart failure. If I want your dick in my mouth while I take my last breath is that such a bad thing?” the cheeky blonde grinned. 

“Erm, rather not have my dick inside a dead body thanks. There’s a law against that shit.”

“Ha-ha, you think I won’t fuck you one last time if you die first?” Nicky’s joke caused a concerned and disturbed frown on Mark’s face. “Christ, I’m joking, relax. Fucking hell, I know I’m sick in the head but I’m not a necrophiliac.”

“I hope that’s true, Jesus... Weirdo.” Mark sniggered and kissed his man. “I wonder how alone we are. Like, how many people on this street are already sleeping or alive, wondering who else is still fighting.”

“Not sure what’s more comforting. Knowing we’re alone or the first to go”

“I hope we’re the last. It means I got to spend the optimum amount of time with you.”

“How are you feeling? You sound a bit wheezy.”

“Yeah... Feels like a cold without the blocked nose. My chest is quite tight. How about you?” Nicky shrugged. All he could taste was blood in the back of his throat from sniffing too much. “Scary thing is... You don’t feel bad so you can’t predict how long you have left.”

“Just promise me you’ll tell me when it gets too much. I need to know if you don’t think you’re gonna wake up.”

“I promise. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Nicky smiled, holding back fearful tears as he rested his head down on Mark’s chest to hear the snap, crackle and pops coming from his lungs between his shallow breathing. “Sounds like you’re already slipping away.”

“Laying down doesn’t help.” He coughed, spitting a ball of red and black gunk into an empty cup beside the couch. “Argh that one hurt. God my throat is so sore.” He hissed, wincing at the pain. “Hope to god I’m not sick again. Feels like I’ve swallowed razor blades as it is.”

“There must be something you can take to sooth it?”

“The medicine upstairs works but that means moving.”

“I’ll go get it. Bathroom cupboard yeah?”

“Yeah but I’ll go it’s fine. I’m getting cold now so I need to get dressed. As much as I’d love to lounge around all night, stark bollock naked with you, my lungs can’t take the pressure of being cold too. I’ll grab you something too.” As soon as Mark sat up he felt a sense of relief on his chest. His airways seemed clearer when he was vertical so he kissed his naked boyfriend and scuttled off to wipe away more sex sweat with a baby wipe and get wrapped up in his Chewie onesie. 

Sifting through his underwear drawer for socks and boxers for Nicky, his hand grazed the velvet box he’d tossed aside to forget about. He pulled it from its place and opened the lid, staring at the beautiful ring. He would have been due to fly over to America in a couple of days but now he had another use for it. The gesture was pointless but he didn’t want the jewel to go to waste. It wouldn’t mean the same thing but he wanted Nicky to have it. Was no good for his chunky fingers, he’d already accepted that. He took the ring and squeezed it onto his little finger, tight enough half way down for it not to fall off. 

“I love you Shane.” He sighed, staring at his reflection in the shine. “But you left me Nico and he deserves this. If we’re not reunited after all then... Just know it was you that gave me life and the strength to carry on. The courage to go on and let myself fall for such a sweetheart who apparently wasn’t good enough for you... Thank you for being a part of me. I miss you.” 

Nicky poured a bag of dry pasta into the largest pan he could use to boil on the fire. Any left overs could be thrown away without a care so he didn’t worry much about his inability to ever measure the correct amount. He was starving anyway. As Mark re-entered the lounge he saw the blonde trying his best to put together a meal. It made him smile that he wasn’t giving up, he still wanted to live to the best of his amenities and show Mark how much he appreciated him. 

“Tuna pasta alright? Figured it’s quite filling. Probably take half hour though.”

“Brilliant, thanks. I’ve bought you one of Shane’s fleeces to wear. You need something that fits against your skin to keep you warm.”

“Cheers... Ha, I’ve seen that jumper before. Where have I seen it before?” 

It was a distinctive style. Charcoal grey on the breast and back, black arms, a diagonal zip that stretched from the left of the neck down to the chest which was more for decoration than practical purposes and it had a shirt style collar. It was kind of trendy but fleece and fleece was never exactly considered sexy but it had looked good on Shane during the music video to his Christmas single a year ago. 

“He wore it in the Last Christmas video... Looks good on you too.”

Nicky looked at himself and nodded. “Not bad. Shame he’s not the same shoe size. Wanted to try those cowboy boots on.”

“They cost a fortune. If they’d have fitted I’d have made you wear them on your death bed. Think he wore them 3 times in 4 years. Fucking waste of money.”

“What’s the point of having money if you can’t indulge now and then? Cut him some slack.” Nicky grinned. 

“Hmm. Bet you’d be a right snob with money in your pocket.”

“No I wouldn’t. I’d just not deny myself an expensive splurge now and then. Topman is good enough for me. A nice pair of jeans and a Gucci watch maybe but I’d be saving for a Porsche so clothes wouldn’t matter.” 

“I was written into Shane’s Will ya know... I’d have received his weight in royalties and access to his bank account and trust me, he had a few bob saved for the house. Probably wouldn’t have touched much of it though. If he’d died under any other circumstances I’d have given his family a share and stayed living here I guess. At least til I found something different.”

“Money means nothing to me. Even when I had the teaching job. When I had it I spent it on what I needed not what I wanted. Just as well, my savings came in handy when I went on the sick. Now it’s worthless. Cant take it with you though I guess so I understand people living in luxury.”

“Same. Shane was really humble, happy to live here while he worked. Still, made a happy wage myself so you and I would have been alright.” 

“I love you for your looks not your money.” Nicky laughed. “How ya feeling now?” he asked, giving the pasta a stir. 

“Happy... Gutted at the same time but I feel better when I’m sat up straight... I um, I want to give you something.”

“Again?!” 

“Ha-ha, no! Something more important. I’m not gonna get all soppy and romantic over it either. There’s just no point. The gesture alone says enough.”

“What is it?” he sat up on the sofa next to Mark. 

“Close your eyes. Now hold your hand out.” Luckily for him Nicky chose his left hand. “Turn it over. No peeking.”

“Mark...”

He held the unsuspecting boys hand and smiled, though Nicky couldn’t see his face. “In less than a week I’ve fallen in love with you. It may have been a quick process because of the circumstances but I know if we’d had years to work on it, I’d still feel the same. You’re incredible and I’m so lucky to have you...”

“What happened to not being mushy?”

“Shut up... I want you to imagine we have a life to lead. That a couple of years down the line we have a beautiful house, those doggies running around... Pushing 40... It’d be more your style but I’m improvising here...”

“What are you going on about?”

Mark pulled the ring off his little finger and held it at the tip of Nicky’s engagement digit. “We’d be somewhere dead romantic and it’d be a huge deal and amazing memory but I can’t do that now. I just want you to know, my heart belongs to you now and that you can die a very happy man knowing... Knowing that you’d have made a perfect husband. To me... I want you to have this.” He slipped the ring down Nicky’s finger causing him to gasp and open his eyes. “As a promise that one day you’d have been Mr Feehily too and we’d have everything we ever wanted and needed.”

“But... Mark this is crazy.”

“You saying you don’t want to marry me?” 

“No of course I would. Thank you. This means so much to me. It’s Shane’s ring and it’s not even proposal day for him yet.”

“Just as well I asked you first then. I know it’s stupid but I want you to have it as a symbolic gesture. I want the universe to know you were loved and cherished when you left this life. I love you Nico.”

“I love you too Mr Feehily-Byrne.” Nicky lunged forward to wrap his arms around his fiancé’s neck and kissed him. “You’re so thoughtful, I love it. Thank you... Just doesn’t seem real. I know all this is insane but for you to give me this ring, it means everything to me.”

“You deserve it. I just wish we could see it through... You in a pristine white suit, me in a black tux, your parents, my family, watching us sweat our arses off as we get married on the hot sands of Hawaii. Obviously the second the service was over I’d strip down to my shirt and then I’d carry you down to the sea and kiss you in the crystal waters as everyone saw how incredibly happy we are.”

“Sounds amazing. Is that our wedding or...”

“Purely imagined for you and me yeah. Absolutely nothing like what I had in mind for Shane. It might be the same ring but it definitely isn’t the same future.”

“Not wrong there.” 

“Hey, come on, don’t do that... I know it’s just a dream but it’s nice to know it could have happened right? I think we’d make a gorgeous wedding couple.”

“Of course we would. You’re gorgeous on your own. Inside and out.” As Nicky smiled he felt his nose drip. “Great.”

Looking at the frustration on the blonde’s face as he huffed over a dribble of blood, Mark licked his thumb before gently smudging it away down his lip then kissed him. “Red suits you. You’re the little red riding hood to my big bad wolf.” He chuckled which was followed by a cough. 

“Oh yeah, the big bad wolf who coughs hair balls and has vampire tendencies. Twilight would have been a different story with you in it.” 

“Ha-ha, you’re the one that always asks me to decorate your neck. I’d rather be sucking something else.”

“If I could leave the house there wouldn’t be a mark on me... Not that kind of mark anyway.” He winked and stared at his pretty jewel, shimmering in the candle light. “It’s gorgeous and it fits perfectly.”

“Good. Now you can stop complaining you’re unlovable and worthless.”

“Fair enough... I love you Wolfie. So much more now.” Nicky stroked Mark’s cheek and settled in to a loving, romantic kiss as the fire crackled, the pan bubbled and the candles flickered. 

“Love you too angel.”  
***

News channels around the world were reporting on the fall out in Europe. There was speculation that the outskirts of Ireland might not be suffering as much as the rest after closer studies had shown a difference in devastation on the west coast of America compared to the east but they couldn’t see land for the cloud mass so they didn’t know just how wrong they were. Every country was preparing, finalising their bunkers to fight for their lives when it was their turn. They had no idea how intelligent the mystery demon was but held out hope they could defeat it before it left no stone unturned. 

The water had stopped running altogether now which was no great loss as it’d turned to sludge already. A cupboard full of cartons and bottles was more than enough for the boys though. They had far more than they needed. Tea had gone down a treat, filling their bellies until they were bloated but after a trip to the toilet Nicky was faced with the shocking flow of red urine. He was losing colour in his face as his nose persistently dribbled but there it was in the toilet. A waterfall of blood spraying into the bowl. It had made him feel dizzy but he’d managed to make it back downstairs to break the news to Mark. Both boys were splintered and they knew it just a matter of hours already. No chance of days, maybe just one more night. 

It was warmer downstairs by the fire but more comfortable in bed so they collected what they needed and settled upstairs under the duvet. The grey bags under Nicky’s eyes were haunting. His face was gaunt but the ginger tones in his beard were glowing, a sharp contrast against his blue iris but he looked ill. His nostrils were sore and crusty but he took some paracetamol to ease his headache with little faith that it’d touch the sides. 

Mark’s chest was heavy and tight. He was wheezing with every exhaling breath which was musical. It felt like his lungs were shrinking, a deep breath was almost impossible, painful and sore. He sat with his back against the pillows, Nicky tucked under his arm. 

“Doesn’t waste its time does it? Here we were thinking we had a couple of weeks.” Mark croaked, kissing Nicky’s head.

“Wishful thinking. No one really knew what to expect. Being on the immediate receiving end of it moving over probably didn’t help.”

“I know but once it finds you it strangles you pretty quickly. Like Risen.”

“Do you think we’ll wake up in the morning?” Nicky licked the blood trickling down his nose to stop it forming a pool on Mark’s chest. “I feel so weak and dizzy.”

“I know baby... Me too.” He spluttered, trying not to spit over the blonde. “Honestly?... I don’t know but I feel suffocated as it is.”

“I’m so scared... I can’t bear the thought of waking up to you not breathing.”

Mark felt something wet on his skin but couldn’t tell if it was clear or red, tears or blood. The blood didn’t bother him but he hated that it was seeping from Nicky’s body like a dodgy tap. “Me too... But don’t worry if I wake I won’t move... I’ll never let go while you’re in my arms... Just gonna lay here forever.”

“My head is killing now. My sinuses are pounding.”

“Bleed on me, I don’t care. Just don’t let go.”

“Don’t think I’ll be rushing to the bathroom again. Nearly fainted when I saw blood in my piss... It hurts.” He cried, squeezing Mark tight. “My arms are tingling.”

“Fuck.” Mark’s body jolted as he broke down, struggling to breathe through burning tears. “Don’t go yet. You have to stay awake OK? Talk to me Nix... I need to hear your voice.”

Sniffing as his chest rattled and his legs shook, Nicky began to sing. “When I am down, and, oh, my soul, so weary. When troubles come, and my heart burdened be. Then, I am still and wait here in the silence, Until you come and sit awhile with me. You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up to walk on stormy seas. I am strong when I am on your shoulders. You raise me up to more than I can be.”

Mark’s heart shattered, what was left of it. Nicky’s sweet but rusty voice shot bullets through his chest. He felt a coldness shower him and sobbed into the blonde’s hair. “You’re so beautiful.”

Nicky looked up at his man but his eyes were black. “Looking like this?” he sniggered. “I don’t think I’m gonna make it... My toes are frozen Mark... I’ve never been so scared in my entire life.”

“No point being scared. You’re not alone anymore OK? But I think this is it for us... I love you so much.” 

“Tomorrow isn’t coming is it?” Nicky’s eyes were glazed over as he stared into Mark’s. “Thank you for making these last few days bearable. Today’s been perfect. Feeling every part of you... Wearing this ring... You’re perfect.”

“You’re freezing Nix.” 

“I know.” He smiled, wiping his eyes on his shoulder. “I can’t say goodbye but I know there won’t be another good morning... Another day to spend with... With you... Dying in your arms is an honour and if there is no afterlife then... At least we had this time and if there is... Then you better talk Shane into that spit roast.” He laughed, making Mark smile through his aching cheeks. 

“About to drop dead and still making jokes. Amazing.” He chuckled. He leaned down and pressed his lips onto Nicky’s, holding them there until he couldn’t breathe. “Aren’t we gonna feel foolish in the morning if we wake up?!”

“Chance would be a fine thing.” Nicky shook his head. “I don’t think I have the strength to even talk much longer let alone wake up.”

Coughing up a ball of blood and mucus into his fist, Mark hissed at the excruciating pain in his throat. Every hurl was worse than the last but this time he felt more damaged. It took him a moment to be able to speak. “Nix... I’m sorry... We have to... Accept it... Now... I can’t...” he panted short breaths as his pulse slowed down. “We need to... To sleep now baby... I can’t... Argh it hurts.”

“No... No this can’t be it Mark... Don’t go. Don’t you dare leave me yet. It’s too soon.”

Mark nodded at Nicky and forced a smile before kissing him one last time. “Settle down... I need you now.”

Nicky’s stomach knotted as his nerves reached his gut. He could see the sparkle in Mark’s eyes darken as he fought to breathe. “Don’t go... Please... Don’t leave me.” Tears were pouring down his face as he turned to rest his head back on Mark’s slow rising body. “I love you.”

“Love you too... Sweet dreams Nico... See you... You there.”

“Sleep now... I’m right here... Right behind you. Goodnight love.” Nicky closed his eyes and didn’t sniff again. If Mark was going to stop breathing before he could fall asleep, he didn’t want to hold back a single drop. 

With the last words spoken, they both knew their time was up. It had come around so fast, taking them by surprise but they’d been fools to believe they’d handle it like a common cold. The room dark and chilly; the sound of Mark’s wheezing and Nicky’s heartbeat, both only noticeable to the blonde. He closed his eyes and clung onto Mark’s hand, linking their fingers and resting them on Mark’s heart in front of his face. 

It took all of 5 minutes for Mark to drift off to sleep but the rising of his chest gave Nicky comfort. He hadn’t flown away yet. He was holding on, giving Nicky time to float into his own dream state. A peaceful cloud on heaven where he sat waiting to be welcomed through the gate. Over the following half hour, the blonde’s circulation was giving up rapidly. His legs were numb, he could no longer feel his hand in Mark’s, as if he had no limbs. Just a torso of blistered organs, failing to work. 

The bedroom was lit with several flickering tea lights, the curtains drawn to hide their embrace from the outside world, the duvet pulled up to Nicky’s chin as he dribbled pink saliva. The CD player on a low volume, soothing their wrecked minds as they fell deeper into their resting states. The air was cold and but the boys were colder, their bodies giving in as their hearts touched and made a commitment. 

“Spend all your time waiting for that second chance. For a break that would make it okay. There's always one reason to feel not good enough and it's hard at the end of the day. I need some distraction, Oh beautiful release. Memory seeps from my veins. Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight. In the arms of an angel, fly away from here. From this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear. You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie. You're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here. So tired of the straight line and everywhere you turn. There's vultures and thieves at your back. And the storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lie that you make up for all that you lack. It don't make no difference escaping one last time. It's easier to believe in this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees. In the arms of an angel, fly away from here. From this dark, cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear. You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie. You're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here. You're in the arms of the angel... May you find some comfort here.”

The music stopped. The last track serving an end to the lives of two innocent men, accepting their sudden calling. Almost in unison, one last beat pushed the last exhale of light carbon dioxide from their still bodies, the last droplet of blood falling to the stain on Mark’s onesie. As if on que the candles extinguished leaving the room in pure darkness. Blue lips and black fingertips resting on soaking fabric, a forever sleeping wolf under them sinking deeper into the cushion of the mattress as their heavy bodies froze as one. It was over. Where ever they were heading to now was anyone’s guess but whether Shane was waiting for Mark or not, one thing was for sure... Two aching hearts had come together to kiss goodbye to earth and they’d flown away hand in hand, less scared than they would have been had whatever force not chosen them to step into heaven together, proving it’s never too late to find true love. 

 

*Makes no sense at all. Makes no sense to fall. Falling... As the world falls down.*

 

Shane stood by the end of the bed staring at Mark’s still body propped up by the pillows beneath him... Alone!

“Looks like we did it.” The singer smiled, resting his head on the blonde’s shoulder. “Not quite what I had in mind but he didn’t think he died alone so it worked.” 

“What happens now?” Nicky asked, still new to this afterlife malarkey. 

“He’ll join us in a couple of hours and be none the wiser. Thank you for being there for him. Still can’t believe I didn’t realise you were already dead when you were both on the couch the other day.”

“Can’t believe I pulled it off. Here’s me thinking poltergeist and ghosts don’t exist. Never thought it’d be this easy to make him believe I was really there.”

“If you’d been looking where you were going on the way round here I wouldn’t have had to give him the blackouts to dream up half of it. He likes his food, if he knew all those meals you’d cooked weren’t real he’d be gutted.” Shane sniggered.

“I can’t cook to save my life. I’d burn lettuce given the chance. All the talking was nice though. Got a lot off my chest... How fucked up in the head must he have been to feel it was genuine?”

Shane smiled and sat his bum against the vanity table, still fixated on Mark’s lifeless limbs. “Doesn’t really matter what was in his dreams and what he was awake for. You did what you could. Even if you were a little shit sometimes.” He chuckled. 

“Didn’t quite realise I was dead at first. Wasn’t until I got inside the house that I realised I didn’t know how to pick things up... Him passing me your engagement ring was the first test. Didn’t think it was possible.”

“Amazing right? I stayed out the way in the window so he couldn’t touch me. Didn’t want him to question my ability to stick around when I thought you were really there.”

“Shane... What exactly happened to me? How did I die?” Nicky was devastated when he realised he was already dead. Been as Mark had answered the door to him there was no indication he wasn’t in full mortal form and up until Mark had drifted away, the angels hadn’t spoken. “I was so confused like, asking myself how he could see me if I was dead. I think part of me believed I wasn’t just so I could let myself fall for him... It wasn’t even real. It takes more than 4 days to fall in love with someone.”

“Nicky it was still real. Sure the emotions were exaggerated for Mark’s benefit and some stuff only happened during his blackouts but you were still there in his dreams, living out your part, feeling your emotions. Just from another realm that’s all.” Shane reached out to hold the blonde’s hand. “It was a car accident 2 blocks away. You were rushing over to the house after seeing the bulletin on the news about me. I posted the paper through your letter box and guided you but there was a car tearing down the street. It was dark and it didn’t stop. You stepped into the road and it hit you... It was instant. You didn’t suffer.”

“Wow... How come I was able to make it here then?”

“I called in a favour. You get one each to use on the living but I bent the rules. Asked for you to continue the job. I needed Mark to feel he wasn’t alone. He deserved to be happy.”

“So... You were never trapped? You could have just come back yourself and done the exact same thing I did?”

“No I wasn’t trapped but I didn’t know at the time that I could be around for it to work. I’d already invested in you because you were still alive. I didn’t want him to see me if I couldn’t stay. You were amazing Nicky... Anyway he’d already grieved for me and I wanted him to know there was always somebody else out there for him. To prove what a great guy he is... And you deserved to be that guy. I’m sorry you didn’t make it for real but you still felt it right? It wasn’t all an act?”

“Course not. But I felt so guilty, knowing he wanted you, to please you while he waited to die. He’s an easy character to love. You did good finding him... So what now? Should I leave you to it or...”

“Don’t be daft. We’re friends now right? I don’t know how he’ll feel about you when he joins us but it doesn’t matter up here. Sex isn’t a thing between 2 spirits. You only felt something with Mark because he was alive. As long as he’s by my side in this world, it doesn’t matter who he loves. I just don’t see the point in going our separate ways now when we got on so well in this dimension. Life is more fun in here. We have so much control over the living, we can go wherever we want, spook whoever we like... Mark was right Nix, us 3 could be great friends and relationships beyond that don’t matter.”

“Do you know who’s in control of the Mist-ery?” Shane shook his head. “Is it someone from this realm?”

“That’s what the guardians of the galaxy are trying to find out.” He laughed, clearly joking. 

“So there’s no stopping earth from being obliterated? Where do we go from here?”

“Who knows. But if you’re up for it we can guard the needy in other countries. I’m sure you can enjoy a few more blowjobs by meeting some sexy unsuspecting Italians.. make your way across the globe until it’s over.” Shane grinned, nudging the older boy with a wink.

“Ha-ha, you didn’t see us at it did you?” Nicky was embarrassed now. 

“No way man. Why would I want to watch another man fucking my Marky? I might have listened in on a few conversations but that’s it... So what do you reckon? You, me and our gorgeous fiancé move overseas and comfort a few more souls between us.”

“Why not... Sounds like a gas to me.” Nicky smiled at the singer and thanked his lucky stars that his new existence seemed much more exciting than his time on earth. 

It wasn’t long before Mark transitioned; surprised to see his two favourite boys chilling and laughing in his lounge as he appeared in the darkness. It didn’t seem dark to him though. Light and dark didn’t really exist in the afterlife. Everything looked the same, day and night. There might not have been any way of stopping the Black Mist-ery from taking planet earth but for now they were together and their powers were extremely exciting. A new form of existence where they couldn’t be harmed, finally invincible... A trio of friends ready to become the next guardians of earth, comforting the lonely and never looking back in anger. 

There was so many unanswered questions regarding their ability to appear real to the living and still the question of who or what was inflicting the mist but it was a fantasy where worlds collided and anything was possible. What lied ahead for the boy’s future was a mystery in itself but one thing was for sure, they were gonna have plenty of fun finding out.  
****


End file.
